#1
hey this is my first attempt at song writing. Can you let me know what you think of it. It's a slow acoustic song.


Already missing you and your not yet gone
But girl it happens everday
When your gone
I'll try to move on
Knowing theirs a long road ahead

Chorus:
As I walk down this road
I remeber all that's gold
So I keep my spirit high
Although there is no end in sight

Tears fall from my eyes
Like rain from the skys
I'm missing you
Knowing their is a long road ahead

Chorus:
As I walk down this road
I remeber all that's gold
So I keep my spirit high
Although there is no end in sight

As I end my journey
It becomes night
This roads at its end
Although I lost a friend
#2
i think its a bit short. song will last about a minute. and i think its a bit to poetic because it short and ryhmes in such a pattern. cant say much about the meanin cause its so short
#3
hey man nice job with your first song.. i have to say its much better than my first one haha but here is a full crit


Already missing you and your not yet gone
But girl it happens everday
When your gone
I'll try to move on
Knowing theirs a long road ahead

(aright to be honest i think you could have opened alot more strongly, i didnt like the rhyming of "gone" and "gone" and i dont think "knowing theirs a long road ahead" kind of stops the flow, so overall this is my least favorite stanza in the piece"

Chorus:
As I walk down this road
I remember all that's gold
So I keep my spirit high
Although there is no end in sight

(i quite liked this, good chorus, catchy and rythymic but maybe make the first to lines a little longer so they flow a little better, other than that great)

Tears fall from my eyes
Like rain from the skys
I'm missing you
Knowing their is a long road ahead

(ok, this is ok but the whole stanza is kind of just one big cliche and once again i dont think "knowing there is a long road ahead" fits well)

Chorus:
As I walk down this road
I remeber all that's gold
So I keep my spirit high
Although there is no end in sight

As I end my journey
It becomes night
This roads at its end
Although I lost a friend

(i like what you are going for here in the end, i just dont like the wording, it seems kind of jumbled so maybe once again make the lines a little longer and maybe it will fit better, a trick i always do with my stuff is read it out loud, not sing it but read it to see how much rythym it has, a lot more is noticed that way)

overall it was a decent first song and i think you have potential as a writer you just need to avoid cliches and try to make the rhymes not sound forced

good day