#1
Hello, I was looking over some old songs which I started to write. I chose this one on top, because I sense I can do somthing with it, and I've already chosen rythm and everything for it. Here's what I have written to it so far, tell me if you think I should finish it, or if you think it's crap.

Note: This is a rock song, tempo is alot like Godsmack's music. All in all, I like it so far.


(Verse one)
Today was the day,
I was supposed to break free,
but somthing is holding me down.
My insides say go for it,
my mind is telling me to stay.
Right here...oh yeah..


(Chorus)
Somtimes I feel like,
just breaking.
Fighting the world,
and it fights back,
still I'm not giving in!!

(Chorus two)
Everyday I see,
the side of you I want to never keep.
You always try to bring me down,
i'm not giving into you.
You may say you breathe into me,
still I'm not alive, ahh yeah.
Last edited by Acoustismack at Dec 8, 2007,
#2
Your subject matter is tired and you having nothing here that will excite people. The basic message I got out of this was:

"I'ma be free! Oh yes! I don't like you no more! Because I'm free! ALL the time! But not with you! FREEEE!!!"

This has been done millions of times before, and there's no point in critiquing something that brings nothing new to the table, like this. But hey, you said it's like Godsmack, and I'm sure someone like Sully Erna would appreciate this vague piece of no emotion.


Sorry if that was a bit...harsh, but hey, if it's honesty you want, it's honesty you'll get.
Have a great day.
Poor advice.