#1
Tell me what u think


Broken bottles spike my memory's of ticking clokcs and passing dreams I'm looking passed the old oak tree watching times of you and me

the sun dont shine so bright anymore and the children dont laugh so loud anymore...

Well times change and places they aint the same Neighbors move and numbers change

After all soft rains come and wash away the worries of yesturdays crimes

where i go ....i don't know maybe someplace i can call home and im still watching the times of you and me im found my feet walking on dead palm leaves and coury shells...

The sky sky just aint so blue nomore and the wind so strong anymore ...the stars they dont shine

After all soft rains come and wash away the tears of yesturday and maybe even tomorrow

i still remember that old oak tree watching it burn to the ground now she's 2,000 miles away and those memorys you know they fade away....
#2
Thats really good man alot of people come on here and post up there ****ty ass lyrics that make you want to kill yourself. But these are really good man. If you can add instruments it will be really really good. Tops effort
#3
here's my problem with this. the lack of punctuation makes it hard to read. that's an easy fix. when you rhyme words with the SAME word, it gets annoying. you handle the cliche topic well, you just need to work on the rhyming. could you crit 25 cent rings? (sig) thanks.
#4
Broken bottles spike my memory's of ticking clokcs and passing dreams I'm looking passed the old oak tree watching times of you and me

I'm not quite sure what the "broken bottles... passing dreams" part is about, but perhaps I'm not symbolically inclined

the sun dont shine so bright anymore and the children dont laugh so loud anymore...

Well times change and places they aint the same Neighbors move and numbers change

After all soft rains come and wash away the worries of yesturdays crimes

I really liked this part. (minor correction: yestErday's) The last line doesn't seem to quite flow, but it isn't awful

where i go ....i don't know maybe someplace i can call home and im still watching the times of you and me im found my feet walking on dead palm leaves and coury shells...

It's pretty good, but the beach imagery at the end seems to come from nowhere. Why are you on a beach? Where did the oak tree go? I don't know if those are important questions or not (probably not), but it's questions that I find myself asking.

The sky sky just aint so blue nomore and the wind so strong anymore ...the stars they dont shine

After all soft rains come and wash away the tears of yesturday and maybe even tomorrow

i still remember that old oak tree watching it burn to the ground now she's 2,000 miles away and those memorys you know they fade away....

Good ending. The stars thing is a tad cliche, but really, who cares? Overall, I'd say this is a decent piece, probably a 7.5 or 8 out of 10. Some good music to back it could probably bring this up to a 9 even Good stuff. Just to clarify: I'd be satisfied with this if I'd written it. Kudos.
Last edited by theoneandonlyq at Dec 9, 2007,