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#1
Ok, so basically just throw out your stories of bad, sad, and down right gross intimate experiences. I'll start.

I was playing a gig up in Phoenix about a year back. After the show I got a few numbers (most girls for some reason become total sluts if you have a guitar, bass or drum sticks in your hand, you know? wood), but one was from this chick who was eyef*cking me the whole show. Anyways, later that week I got really bored so I called her and she said she might come over to watch a movie and smoke later, so I gave her my address. Well, I have this thing where I don't want to wait for women, so I went over to Best Buy and buy an Xbox-360 expecting that she would probably chicken out, but no. While I was killing zombies (dead rising, hell yeah) I get a call asking for me to open my gate, she is already outside. F*ck. I think to myself, Video Games>Women? Women>Video Games? I had to give in, so I open the gate and she pretty much jumps on me, so we go inside and things start to happen. This is fine and all but while I'm doing it, I can't help but looking at the 360. So I position her (I think reverse cowboy and doggie style worked best) and started playing 360 while she was facing the other way. But damn man, what do you know, she wants to do missionary......f*ck....as she is telling me that she sees the control. Let me just say, Game Over.

Moral of the story: women and video games don't mix.

Any strange experencies like that?
Gear
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#2
Quote by SoulFallsVoice
Ok, so basically just throw out your stories of bad, sad, and down right gross intimate experiences. I'll start.

I was playing a gig up in Phoenix about a year back. After the show I got a few numbers (most girls for some reason become total sluts if you have a guitar, bass or drum sticks in your hand, you know? wood), but one was from this chick who was eyef*cking me the whole show. Anyways, later that week I got really bored so I called her and she said she might come over to watch a movie and smoke later, so I gave her my address. Well, I have this thing where I don't want to wait for women, so I went over to Best Buy and buy an Xbox-360 expecting that she would probably chicken out, but no. While I was killing zombies (dead rising, hell yeah) I get a call asking for me to open my gate, she is already outside. F*ck. I think to myself, Video Games>Women? Women>Video Games? I had to give in, so I open the gate and she pretty much jumps on me, so we go inside and things start to happen. This is fine and all but while I'm doing it, I can't help but looking at the 360. So I position her (I think reverse cowboy and doggie style worked best) and started playing 360 while she was facing the other way. But damn man, what do you know, she wants to do missionary......f*ck....as she is telling me that she sees the control. Let me just say, Game Over.

Moral of the story: women and video games don't mix.

Any strange experencies like that?


damn man... thats pretty ****en awesome.

I pretended to fall asleep ontop of a girl while i was in... She was all like "What the ****" and then when i started snoring obnoxiously loud she just cracked up... then i was like "oh sorry i just got really bored" then continued to ****.


Also never try to **** in a really small shower... it doesn't work very well. The angles just weren't right.

Quote by The Virtuoso
Yes, you sir win the internet!


Quote by saphrax
To put it crudely, every hole is a goal.


#3
Well, having sex in a shower, here's some bad things that can happen:

Girl complains about the heat
Girl Passes out
Girl regains consciousness
Girl throws up all over bathroom
Girl passes out again.


On vacation from modding = don't pm me with your pish
#4
Quote by meh!
Well, having sex in a shower, here's some bad things that can happen:

Girl complains about the heat
Girl Passes out
Girl regains consciousness
Girl throws up all over bathroom
Girl passes out again.




I don't usually say this, but lol.


My worst is simply when me and my gf have gotten hideously drunk together and basically fallen asleep on eachother whilst doing it.
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I developed a thought experiment to explain why you can't remember anything before you were born:
#5
also one girl i know supposedly slipped and injured herself while giving head. don't forget that. it can happen.

EDIT: oh and it happened while she was in the shower.

Quote by The Virtuoso
Yes, you sir win the internet!


Quote by saphrax
To put it crudely, every hole is a goal.


Last edited by bootyguard at Dec 10, 2007,
#6
lets just say a smart car is not really the best venue for great sex
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#7
Quote by bootyguard
damn man... thats pretty ****en awesome.

I pretended to fall asleep ontop of a girl while i was in... She was all like "What the ****" and then when i started snoring obnoxiously loud she just cracked up... then i was like "oh sorry i just got really bored" then continued to ****.


Also never try to **** in a really small shower... it doesn't work very well. The angles just weren't right.


ha. nice skills.

once i was at the gym and this girl i knew came over and sat on my face while i was benching. she was a pretty decent girl, so it's not like i was being absorbed into someones fat folds. but as i struggled for air i blew a lungful up her vajayjay.

why didn't she just sit on my lap? why oh why?
A good friend will come bail you out of jail.....
A true friend will be sitting next to you saying "Damn.... We fucked up."
#8
Once I was eating out my girlfriend and I decided I would blow in her pussy as a joke(blow job lolzorZ!1!1) a bit later while I was still doing it, I suppose the air came out...*pussy fart* right in my face, needless to say, I launched myself off of the bed and hit my head on the while behind me

Needless to say...

Mood = killed
#9
Quote by Negative_Creep7
Once I was eating out my girlfriend and I decided I would blow in her pussy as a joke(blow job lolzorZ!1!1) a bit later while I was still doing it, I suppose the air came out...*pussy fart* right in my face, needless to say, I launched myself off of the bed and hit my head on the while behind me

Needless to say...

Mood = killed



Jesus, calm down man, haha. It's hardly life threatening.
On vacation from modding = don't pm me with your pish
#10
i farted once. really loud. that definitely killed it. lol
I love my...

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#11
Quote by meh!
Jesus, calm down man, haha. It's hardly life threatening.


Well the shock did it to me, I thought she actually just farted
#12
Quote by cloudlife
ha. nice skills.

once i was at the gym and this girl i knew came over and sat on my face while i was benching. she was a pretty decent girl, so it's not like i was being absorbed into someones fat folds. but as i struggled for air i blew a lungful up her vajayjay.

why didn't she just sit on my lap? why oh why?


Woah, nice dude...has anyone tried to hide stuff up there to **** with her? I put a few dimes up there before...my friends called her "ATM" for a while...heh
#13
everything was going great, then she woke up, really killed the mood.
#15
Quote by SoulFallsVoice
Ok, so basically just throw out your stories of bad, sad, and down right gross intimate experiences. I'll start.

I was playing a gig up in Phoenix about a year back. After the show I got a few numbers (most girls for some reason become total sluts if you have a guitar, bass or drum sticks in your hand, you know? wood), but one was from this chick who was eyef*cking me the whole show. Anyways, later that week I got really bored so I called her and she said she might come over to watch a movie and smoke later, so I gave her my address. Well, I have this thing where I don't want to wait for women, so I went over to Best Buy and buy an Xbox-360 expecting that she would probably chicken out, but no. While I was killing zombies (dead rising, hell yeah) I get a call asking for me to open my gate, she is already outside. F*ck. I think to myself, Video Games>Women? Women>Video Games? I had to give in, so I open the gate and she pretty much jumps on me, so we go inside and things start to happen. This is fine and all but while I'm doing it, I can't help but looking at the 360. So I position her (I think reverse cowboy and doggie style worked best) and started playing 360 while she was facing the other way. But damn man, what do you know, she wants to do missionary......f*ck....as she is telling me that she sees the control. Let me just say, Game Over.

Moral of the story: women and video games don't mix.

Any strange experencies like that?

Lmao thats funny man. Well for me its probably when I was 14 and her older brother came home.
#16
hmmmm lets see.

A. bitchy girlfriend that just lays there like a corpse and wont be on top
B. friends stoping by unexpectedly
C. talking to your friend while your in the bathroom getting a Bj from your girlfriend
D. haveing idle hands while your girlfriends mom, grandma, sister are all in the room watching a movie.
E. haveing your girlfriend be pissed at you cus you didnt tell her you were almost there and blowing right in her face lol.....i liked that one, it was all worth it
#17
Oh wait, of course there's the mandatory

"My dad walked in on us cause he came home early..." Story.

My dad just said "Condoms, yeah?" and I said "I'm not retarded" he said "yeah, but I wouldn't be doing my job if I dind't ask". "Ok then".... "ok"

end of
On vacation from modding = don't pm me with your pish
#18
I was riding this really fat chick and she bust my foreskin (you know how its connected on at the bottom..well the skin ripped). After that it was like that famous slayer song...
#19
Quote by 12.Gauge
I was riding this really fat chick and she bust my foreskin (you know how its connected on at the bottom..well the skin ripped). After that it was like that famous slayer song...



...

*shudder*
On vacation from modding = don't pm me with your pish
#20
Quote by GuitarFreak1387
D. haveing idle hands while your girlfriends mom, grandma, sister are all in the room watching a movie.
I sort of did that one. I was groping this girls leg I liked at my friends house, infront of my friends parents, siblings and my friend himself. She didnt realise, and me thinks she enjoyed it . Little did I know my other hand was groping my friends younger (alot younger) sister. I moved so fast when I realised.
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#21
Quote by cloudlife
ha. nice skills.

once i was at the gym and this girl i knew came over and sat on my face while i was benching. she was a pretty decent girl, so it's not like i was being absorbed into someones fat folds. but as i struggled for air i blew a lungful up her vajayjay.

why didn't she just sit on my lap? why oh why?


are you trying to mock or complement? I can't tell. either way theres not much to mock or complement in the information I disclosed.

Oh and nice blowjob skills!

oh and she didn't because she really wanted your attention... and maybe some girls dared her too.

Quote by The Virtuoso
Yes, you sir win the internet!


Quote by saphrax
To put it crudely, every hole is a goal.


#22
Quote by demonofthenight
I sort of did that one. I was groping this girls leg I liked at my friends house, infront of my friends parents, siblings and my friend himself. She didnt realise, and me thinks she enjoyed it . Little did I know my other hand was groping my friends younger (alot younger) sister. I moved so fast when I realised.


I THINK SHE ENJOYED IT!
Move over pedobear... here comes demonofthenight!

EDIT: Didn't mean to double post.

Quote by The Virtuoso
Yes, you sir win the internet!


Quote by saphrax
To put it crudely, every hole is a goal.


#23
Hmmmm, I suppose I have 2... I suppose bad for them and "haha" for me.

I am sure this happens a lot... doing girl doggy pulled out go back *drunk or something related and you get the... "OW **** NOT THERE!" teehee hee whoops? take it bitch.

Or the cum in the eye is always funny. and you use the excuse... Mmmm sorry babe, I tought you didn't like the taste.....
-=| Ownage |=-
#24
so me and the girlfriend were in her room and she was blowin me.. well.. we hear her sister coming and so we stop and cover me with a blanket.. her sister moves to take the blanket off and i zip up just before she does, she steps back and goes 'whoa did you just zip up?!'


/phail
Jesus wouldn't give you the sweat off of his balls if you were dying of thirst.
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that's right,you certainly are UG's only moron.


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Read the moron's posts, ironically enough he knows what he says.
#25
Quote by bootyguard
I THINK SHE ENJOYED IT!
Move over pedobear... here comes demonofthenight!

EDIT: Didn't mean to double post.
Well it was her fault, why the **** would she sit so close to me? I could understand the older, closer to my age girl sitting so close
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#26
Quote by SoulFallsVoice

(most girls for some reason become total sluts if you have a guitar, bass or drum sticks in your hand, you know? wood)


This is one of the worst music cliches I've ever heard in my life.

Being a musician does NOT score you as much pussy as you want and it never will. It may have been the case back in the 60's and 70's because all classic Rock is meaningless shit.

How many of you picked up your guitars because this?
Put them down.
Poor advice.
#28
This is one of the worst music cliches I've ever heard in my life.

Being a musician does NOT score you as much pussy as you want and it never will. It may have been the case back in the 60's and 70's because all classic Rock is meaningless shit.

How many of you picked up your guitars because this?
Put them down.Well your right. They might think "wow your hot" whilst your playing the guitar but five seconds later they will forget all oppinions of you.

Guitars=/=chicks

Anyway, there are easier ways of getting girls than playing guitars. Try being nice to them
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#29
This is one of the worst music cliches I've ever heard in my life.

Being a musician does NOT score you as much pussy as you want and it never will. It may have been the case back in the 60's and 70's because all classic Rock is meaningless shit.

How many of you picked up your guitars because this?
Put them down.

dude. he wasn't even referring to it like as in that stuff gets you free pussy everywhere... but obviously if you're in a band and you play a good show theres probably gonna be some people interested. Besides, the fact that they payed to go to your show and they were watching you on stage means that if they did think you were cute or good looking or anything on stage that they now can go up and ask you about the music world and all as a cover to just wanting to know about you.

He wasn't saying take up guitar, drums, and bass cause they will get you pussy... Although if you do REALLY PLAY one of the above, and I mean not just know how to play American Idiot or whatevers the new trend, people will like that especially if you play a show and you have charisma and act like you know what you're doing on stage.

Honestly man, lay off the pussy patrol-musicians military brigade and realize that just because we mention pussy and guitar in the same sentence doesn't mean we're saying "play guitar cause it'll get you laid"

EDIT:

Anyway, there are easier ways of getting girls than playing guitars. Try being nice to them


Actually try not being nice to them... I don't mean be an asshole to them but don't treat them like they're your complete priority. remind them that they need to earn it from you unlike every other guy out there who surrenders his heart to a girl because "shes beutiful" or some other bull crap. If you want to get girls to fell attracted to you, you gotta be somewhat of a dick and let them understand with your actions and attitude that they aren't that important to you, and if they don't like it and wanna complain... they can step in line.

Quote by The Virtuoso
Yes, you sir win the internet!


Quote by saphrax
To put it crudely, every hole is a goal.


Last edited by bootyguard at Dec 10, 2007,
#30
Quote by demonofthenight
Well your right. They might think "wow your hot" whilst your playing the guitar but five seconds later they will forget all oppinions of you.

Guitars=/=chicks

Anyway, there are easier ways of getting girls than playing guitars. Try being nice to them


That said, I was at a small gathering of people recently (5 or 6 of us for my girlfriend's birthday). Anyway, she was sitting on me quite happily (in a neutral way, in a room full of people :p).

Anyway, she was a bit tipsy and there was a guy who played guitar there he played along to the i-pod for a bit and kept trying to make me take it, cause he knew I played. I kept refusing cause: I can play for crowds fine, but little groups make me feel like it's an exam.

Anyway, eventually I took the guitar and I was basically just holding it, playing it so quietly (it was an unplugged mint green strat) and about 20 seconds later I literally had to hold my girlfriend away from my neck and the rest of me for the sake of decency.

Obviously it's not really the same, ie. we already go out, but I thought i'd share that vaguely relevant story.
On vacation from modding = don't pm me with your pish
#31
Quote by 12.Gauge
I was riding this really fat chick and she bust my foreskin (you know how its connected on at the bottom..well the skin ripped). After that it was like that famous slayer song...


You have got to be joking. If not then that probably wouldn't feel very good.
"My strength is my determination" - Randy Rhoads (1956-1982)

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art rock? isn't all rock art?
#32
Quote by stellar_legs

How many of you picked up your guitars because this?
Put them down.


You are completely right, people shouldn't pick up the guitar because they want ass, but if that is the motivation that started something great, who cares? Quite a few major bands start out because they just wanted to look cool.
Gear
American Fender Stratocaster (SCN pups)
Gibson Les Paul: Custom
Samson Q6 Mic
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#33
Quote by HedBanger24/7
You have got to be joking. If not then that probably wouldn't feel very good.


Actually it would probably hurt a ****ing lot. It already hurts if a chick bites it or pinches it... imagine getting circumcized and being able to remember it.

Quote by The Virtuoso
Yes, you sir win the internet!


Quote by saphrax
To put it crudely, every hole is a goal.


#34
Quote by HedBanger24/7
You have got to be joking. If not then that probably wouldn't feel very good.
I dunno, it actually sounded quite sexy. A bit of pain, a chunky girl... I almost got aroused.

This reminds me of another story, a pretty hot chunky girl was hitting on me at my deb. She touched my balls once (I had pants on), my arse a couple of times and my thigh countless times. Anyway, she did all this infront of her boyfriend. This made me uncomfortable. What made me even more uncomfortable was that he wanted to join in...

EDIT: dont know about you guys, but I dont like 3 way relationships.
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Last edited by demonofthenight at Dec 10, 2007,
#36
Quote by bequickorbedead
I'd say 50 or 60% of this thread is complete bullshit...



I dunno, most of it sounds pretty plausible so far.
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#37
Quote by bequickorbedead
I'd say 50 or 60% of this thread is complete bullshit...
Which ones in particular?
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#38
Eh, last time a 3-way knocked, me and my girlfriend got sick and the other bitch drank all the half bottle of absinthe I was saving
Quote by raise_the_dead
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#39
Quote by SoulFallsVoice
You are completely right, people shouldn't pick up the guitar because they want ass, but if that is the motivation that started something great, who cares? Quite a few major bands start out because they just wanted to look cool.



NITRO!
Quote by raise_the_dead
I wouldnt be surprised if the first thing Varg did was sign up for WoW so he could kick some Judeo-Christian ass.


Final Fantasy

Cid Highwind of the Final Fantasy Elite - PM me, Ichikurosaki, Gallagher2006, or Deliriumbassist to join!
#40
Quote by meh!
That said, I was at a small gathering of people recently (5 or 6 of us for my girlfriend's birthday). Anyway, she was sitting on me quite happily (in a neutral way, in a room full of people :p).

Anyway, she was a bit tipsy and there was a guy who played guitar there he played along to the i-pod for a bit and kept trying to make me take it, cause he knew I played. I kept refusing cause: I can play for crowds fine, but little groups make me feel like it's an exam.

Anyway, eventually I took the guitar and I was basically just holding it, playing it so quietly (it was an unplugged mint green strat) and about 20 seconds later I literally had to hold my girlfriend away from my neck and the rest of me for the sake of decency.

Obviously it's not really the same, ie. we already go out, but I thought i'd share that vaguely relevant story.



I think gf's just are really proud and they want everyone to know you are there so they like yeaaah.

same with my gf after i had a gig saturday.
she was like yeah.
but REJECTION.
burnt her good.
now im sad cause im not going to see her for a week.


but i have none because i am uncool.