#1
Do you hate it?
C4C

Why I was fired - an excerpt from the diary of a clown


I used to exhibit a blissful act of an infant. I made people laugh but with intent to fulfill my hidden agenda .Every time, I used to step on the stage and stand under that bright spotlight. I used to feel like a vehicle that was a showpiece under the dim light and was dying to kiss the dirt of the road, to thrill someone, to greet someone and to kill someone. I was a victim of a cheap choreography. It had no theme, no moral but it served the purpose that audience had bought with their change of 1-dollar: Smile or fake a smile.

No one used to take me seriously. I do not blame them. If you paint your face with a white background for a fake smile and a compressible nose. You are a living entry in “famous book of stereotypes” .Every girl in town thinks you are retarded. Your neighbor thinks that you are pathetic. Only 4-6 year old kids wants you and when they grow up, they just want to hurt you. The whole business of laughter gets violent with time both mentally and physically.

In order to earn some respect for myself. I decided to break the clown’s oath. I decided to share my emotion with everyone in audience and make them realize. Behind every smiling face, a clown cries. I yelled,

“World’s circus will always go on but you and I won’t be there to perform on it. From the ocean of life, our drop will be evaporated. Every fool is taken seriously in life one day but a clown is labeled as a joke and remembered as a joke. Every act of us that makes you smile is cliché in our business but you do not get sick of it. No one makes us smile. No one even tries too. You all will die and go to hell but we’ll go to heaven because we made you laugh and you made me cry”.

I started weeping in front of them .Every intelligent person faked a clap while children stood stunned. My owner congratulated me and said, “Circus stage will always be there but we don’t want you to perform on it”.
Hi
Last edited by abhishek21 at Dec 10, 2007,
#2
I didn't like 'exhibit' in the first line. I quite enjoyed the vehicle metaphor, great flow there. Wasn't too fond of 'victim of cheap choreography'. I enjoyed the rest of that stanza.

Didn't like the first line of the second stanza, it didn't read fluently and it was pretty bland. The second line there confused me at first: 'I do not blame them if you'; I had to read that twice to get it right. Maybe add an article in front of "famous book..". I thought the girls/neighbour lines were quite bland. Another thing that annoyed me was '4-6' year old. The wording was weird there; you should say 'only a 4-6 year old kid' or 'only 4-6 year old kids'. I quite liked the last line here.

Why did you put a full stop after 'myself'? It doesn't make sense. I like the message here, makes me want to read on to know what he yelled.

I thought there was some pretty bland and cliché stuff in the fourth stanza but I quite liked the message and the ideas you had here. 'you made me cry' was a bit too bland for me to like though.

I liked 'my owner', it's really adds to the clown feeling useless and you really made him just a thing instead of a person by saying 'owner'. I quite liked this ending. Nice work

Check mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=730462
#3
All the bland stuff in there is to stress . How boring this clown is exactly? . some of the changes that u suggested were typos . Thnx for your time . I will get to yours later tonight
Hi