#1
Well, one thing I've noticed about myself for the last few years (15) is that I don't get what I want in all areas of my life. I take initative when it comes to things like school, playing the guitar, but in social situation I'm kind of a pussy. Especially when it comes to relationships (this isn't directly related to the thread, so don't point me in that direction). When I want something, I tend to wait, and by the time I get the balls to take advantage of it, it's too late....Girls, other specifc situations, think of your own.

I am relatively confident in myself for the most part, but I can't generally take the initative 'manly' stand on many things because in most situations that leads to be a jerk, a form of arrogance, and generally what i despise (a lot of what i've observed). I also tend to over analyze things a bit, and therefore I try to be careful of what I do, and say, but because of this, I let oppurtunity slip through my fingers.

A specific example of this is right now, there is a girl that I like, but I've never had much of a chance to talk to her, but on the slim occasion I do, I never take advantage of it, I worry about what can happen, and I'm not sure how to go up and openly start a conversation with someone I don't know, is this lack of balls? It's not confidence, because I think once I get past the 'hey, whats up', im a charming person, it's the first step that I always seem to stumble on.

I'm curious, is there something that you can do to become a more 'forward' person? Something you can tell yourself, etc...?
Anyone else this way? And if so, add some things (theories), etc..as to why you might be this way, enlighten me.

Sorry for that wall, but for all of you illeterate pricks that don't have the patience to read it, then proceed to post 'wall of text, noob', **** you in advance.
#2
Also, I've always been curious why I tend to second guess myself, when I'm sure that I'm doing the right thing?

Concifdence issue, personal...? hmmm
#3
Quote by silverbursts
Also, I've always been curious why I tend to second guess myself, when I'm sure that I'm doing the right thing?

Concifdence issue, personal...? hmmm


+1. For me, it tends to be confidence. I don't have much of it and am always down.
It's gonna be a blue day
#4
......you just described me..... no lie.... the thing about the girls and everything exactly my current situation.


sorry about that^ took me a minute to regain my footing in my mind.

anyway obviously i have the same problem so i can't give you advice other than this. Meet this girl maybe at a party, general sport (football volleyball) if there is an empty seat next to her take it. but first ask "can i sit here for a minute?" offer to get her something from a vending machine/concession stand. "im goin to the *previously mentioned* do you want anything?"

after one day of hangin out you're in. but as you said you might let it slip through your fingers... happened to me and it broke my heart because i asked her out too late...
i can't help you much but i would also appreciate any given help.
Last edited by whatadrag at Dec 10, 2007,
#6
I think partly I tend to second guess myself because of my previous experiences in life. It was never terrible, but nothing was ever certain, and I was shot down. Was more of social outcast up till about 8th grade, and that kick my confidence level in the balls, and I guess now I;m try to compensate for it, but having more trouble that I thought. This issue affects my life in many ways, not just girls, it's universal throughout my life, and sometimes it gets pretty bad, but I think it's getting better.

Dont't get me wrong, I'm not a depressed kid, just emotions I can't express, but I think I deal with my lack of confidence quite well, I just wish I could give it a little boost.
#8
I always ask myself, so what's the worst thing that can happen? Then I find myself doing whatever I was hesitant about, cause the repercussions aren't that bad. And temporary, too.

And don't ramble. Ask yourself, "how does this sound from the other person's perspective?"
#9
Quote by whatadrag

anyway obviously i have the same problem so i can't give you advice other than this. Meet this girl maybe at a party, general sport (football volleyball) if there is an empty seat next to her take it. but first ask "can i sit here for a minute?" offer to get her something from a vending machine/concession stand. "im goin to the *previously mentioned* do you want anything?"

after one day of hangin out you're in. but as you said you might let it slip through your fingers... happened to me and it broke my heart because i asked her out too late...
i can't help you much but i would also appreciate any given help.


Ya that was an issue with my previous gf, I waited too long, for some odd reason I couldn't seem to ask her. I am also a more reclusive person, and would prefer to more private about certain affairs, which was a contributor to why, but not the main reason. I can't be as publice about personal things as some people can.

One thing that most guys that get the girls do that astonishes me is...they don't offer to be nice, or do anything remotely polite to the girl, infact go as far as to say they treat them like dirt. The girl always comes back too! You'd think being the nice guy would be the 'right' solution, and get you somewhere, but it does, but only for so long, or we tend to be too nice.

I have recently come into some things that will help me talk to the girl, I just wanted a good excuse to talk to her, making it look less desperate, and cliche, but more real, and increasing my chances, worked on my last gf, but I've learned a few things, so hopefully I can change the outcome of this potiental relationship.
#10
Quote by blu_flame34
I always ask myself, so what's the worst thing that can happen? Then I find myself doing whatever I was hesitant about, cause the repercussions aren't that bad. And temporary, too.

And don't ramble. Ask yourself, "how does this sound from the other person's perspective?"


Ya I've pretty much had to convince myself this in my mind, and lately it's been a little bit better. Now or never kind of situation. And ya, things are never as bad as the preconcived illusions we create.
#12
Lead, follow, or get the hell out of the way. Ya I'm pretty much a type "A" personality.
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#13
explain a little more, your mindset in depth when approaching specific situations, i understand your mindset on the surfrace, but what is really going on..?
#17
Normally I don't care what other people think and I just fuck around all day and do what feels right. If I happen to make a friend then all the better.
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#18
*note to ts - you bump a lot*

but yea, I have a lot of the same problems, basically if I don't really know someone I'm uncomfortable around them and think I'll say something stupid.... and it seems like after every time I say something i think of something else I should've said....

once I've been around someone a while, and feel like I sorta know em, I don't feel uncomfortable. then I'm fine..... in fact, I only have one really good friend, and I've known him since I was little, all my other friends I still sorta get uncomfortable talkin to em.... the only time I'm not is when I'm talking about music or something I'm really interested in, I can't just make casual conversation.

of course, since I have so much trouble even talking to people I've never had a girlfriend, I've never gotten to know a girl good enough..... there have been a couple that I might could have, but it takes me so long to feel comfortable with someone that by that time I'm stuck in the just-friends section, which makes that a lot harder...

anyways, I guess I can't really help much. with me, I've tried to examine myself and see what was causing it (no luck) and look for particular things I could change. for example, i noticed that I didn't really make eye contact with people I'm not comfortable around, when I looked at someone I just kinda looked in the direction of their face, not really focusing or making eye contact. when I noticed that I started making a conscious effort to meet people's eyes, and that helped some.
Last edited by The4thHorsemen at Dec 10, 2007,
#19
i'm 100% with you on this whole thing. when i get to know people i'm rather outgoing, but i still cannot start conversations or friendships for my life. i never have anything to talk about, and it annoys me. i'm just a shy person i guess.
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#20
I have a lot to talk about once I get to know them, just choosing one, specifically for approaching girls is the hardest part of it all.
#21
yea i have the same problem.
i really liked this person once. we've been friends for a while.
i was this close to asking them when they got taken.
now its all awkward between us and im starting to feel really bad about not asking.
i still like her but i think its too late now
Jackson DXMG -> Vai Morley Wah -> Korg Black Tuner -> (Need a delay) -> Maxon OD808 -> BBE Sonic Maximizer -> ISP Noisegate -> Mesa Boogie Mark IV
#23
I let other people do stuff for me and procrastinate/asskiss as much as possible. Then reap the rewards.
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#24
Quote by silverbursts
explain a little more, your mindset in depth when approaching specific situations, i understand your mindset on the surfrace, but what is really going on..?

A million things. Analyzing options. Predicting outcomes. All on the fly as I am hellbent on achieving whatever it is that I set out to do. Modifiying my actions as I proceed towards my goal. Convincing people that what I want will benefit them as well. Figuring out the best way to avoid the crash and burn. Surviving the crash and burn. Picking my ass up and doing it all over again. Don't take no for an answer. Don't accept maybe as an answer. Doing it all by saying "please and thankyou". People that like you go out of their way to help you. Not accepting mediocrity from myself. Not accepting mediocrity from the people around me. Doing whatever it takes to get it done.

I asked my wife to marry me. She told me no. We have been married for 26 years.
Ya I crashed and burned the first time. The second and third time as well.
I have a reputation at work as the guy you want to go to when everything is going to shit. Some times it does. Do it again. And again. Never give up.

I was an Airborne Infantryman. I pissed my pants everytime I jumped. I jumped 872 times. Scared the shit out of me everytime I got in the door. Did it anyways. Read my sig. Truly what is the worst that can happen.
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#25
Quote by Jackal58
A million things. Analyzing options. Predicting outcomes. All on the fly as I am hellbent on achieving whatever it is that I set out to do. Modifiying my actions as I proceed towards my goal. Convincing people that what I want will benfit them as well. Figuring out the best way to avoid the crash and burn. Surviving the crash and burn. Picking my ass up and doing it all over again. Don't take no for an answer. Don't accept maybe as an answer. Doing it all by saying "please and thankyou". People that like you go out of their way to help you. Not accepting mediocrity from myself. Not accepting mediocrity from the people around me. Doing whatever it takes to get it done.

I asked my wife to marry me. She told me no. We have been married for 26 years.
Ya I crashed and burned the first time. The second and third time as well.
I have a reputation at work as the guy you want to go to when everything is going to shit. Some times it does. Do it again. And again. Never give up.

I was an Airborne Infantryman. I pissed my pants everytime I jumped. I jumped 872 times. Scared the shit out of me everytime I got in the door. Did it anyways. Read my sig. Truly what is the worst that can happen.


I have to tell you man, you are a huge source of motivation for me, and I really take it to heart when you say things like this, because I know you're a BTDT.

You really help me out
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#26
Quote by Jackal58
A million things. Analyzing options. Predicting outcomes. All on the fly as I am hellbent on achieving whatever it is that I set out to do. Modifiying my actions as I proceed towards my goal. Convincing people that what I want will benefit them as well. Figuring out the best way to avoid the crash and burn. Surviving the crash and burn. Picking my ass up and doing it all over again. Don't take no for an answer. Don't accept maybe as an answer. Doing it all by saying "please and thankyou". People that like you go out of their way to help you. Not accepting mediocrity from myself. Not accepting mediocrity from the people around me. Doing whatever it takes to get it done.

I asked my wife to marry me. She told me no. We have been married for 26 years.
Ya I crashed and burned the first time. The second and third time as well.
I have a reputation at work as the guy you want to go to when everything is going to shit. Some times it does. Do it again. And again. Never give up.

I was an Airborne Infantryman. I pissed my pants everytime I jumped. I jumped 872 times. Scared the shit out of me everytime I got in the door. Did it anyways. Read my sig. Truly what is the worst that can happen.

Heh. Good post.

I'm almost exactly like you TS.
#27
^ Thanks man. You seem to have enough motivation for both of us.
Just remember, when you're freezing your ass off in a hole full of water, that I said "fuck this shit" and continued to freeze my ass off in a hole full of water.
Quote by SomeoneYouKnew
You should be careful what you say. Some asshole will probably sig it.

Quote by Axelfox
Yup, a girl went up to me in my fursuit one time.

Quote by Xiaoxi
I can fap to this. Keep going.
Last edited by Jackal58 at Dec 10, 2007,
#28
Quote by Jackal58
A million things. Analyzing options. Predicting outcomes. All on the fly as I am hellbent on achieving whatever it is that I set out to do. Modifiying my actions as I proceed towards my goal. Convincing people that what I want will benefit them as well. Figuring out the best way to avoid the crash and burn. Surviving the crash and burn. Picking my ass up and doing it all over again. Don't take no for an answer. Don't accept maybe as an answer. Doing it all by saying "please and thankyou". People that like you go out of their way to help you. Not accepting mediocrity from myself. Not accepting mediocrity from the people around me. Doing whatever it takes to get it done.

I asked my wife to marry me. She told me no. We have been married for 26 years.
Ya I crashed and burned the first time. The second and third time as well.
I have a reputation at work as the guy you want to go to when everything is going to shit. Some times it does. Do it again. And again. Never give up.

I was an Airborne Infantryman. I pissed my pants everytime I jumped. I jumped 872 times. Scared the shit out of me everytime I got in the door. Did it anyways. Read my sig. Truly what is the worst that can happen.



*clap* that was great, these things seem so obvious when you think about them, but to hear someone else tell you, really puts it all in perspective...im going to take some of that to heart..
#29
that's basically me too man.

I've tried to start being a more talkative and active person and such, but i think its just our personality type that keeps us from being really outgoing.
As for girls, the best advice i can give is, when breaking the ice, try not to keep all of the attention on you or her, and it tends to lighten the mood and relieve tension.

For example, you see a cute girl, and you want to talk to her. Instead of making direct conversation, like "hey what's up i'm ____ "
try to casually start a conversation. If there is something interesting happening in the general area, point it out and try to work off of it. It's hard to explain, but it works... hahaha
but who knows, it might come with age. i'm just 15, so maybe i'll learn to be more outgoing over time

good luck dude
#30
I get discouraged when things don't go my way too, lets assume for example that happens quite often..

I'll be talking to a girl, regardless of whether I like her or not...some other guy walks up and the attention of the conversation changes, and he has swept it up. It's really pretty pathetic, but its frustrating, and as opposed to the 'include everyone idea' i feel like it's more of a personal insult...hmm wow thats more weird in text than in my head. anyway im pretty sensitive, but i try to get over it...

but my personality type doesn't allow me to change greatly, but i try