#1
You can't "break" my heart,
for in order for that to be possible
the heart must be in a solid state.
Not some odd, plasmatic consistency
like it is right now.

Don't you know anything about the laws of matter?

However, you can shred it,
blend it,
tear it, rend it,
grind it down into a pulp,
then take a bendy straw and slurp.
And I'll return the favor.

We'll dismember each other's hearts
and we'll like it.
There's only one girl in the world for you
and she probably lives in Tahiti.
#3
great idea.

wasn't too sure where this was going at the start, but "Don't you know anything about the laws of matter?" is absolutely brilliant.

next bit was cool, but i disliked the end.

"And we'll like it"? That didn't go down well for me, I was expecting a little more.

Awesome writing though, loved it.
#4
I'm going to agree with Skagitup here... this is an awesome take on a cliched idea... but the ending sucks. I'd say work on the ending... and you'd be set!
what comes up comes out
#5
i love the image of sucking up someone's heart with a straw.
also, i disagree with everyone else about the ending being weak...

one thing i would change is "for in order for that..." to "in order for that..."
#6
I love this whole idea and delivery but I don't like ending it on "and we'll like it".