Page 1 of 252
#1
This is the Only Relationship Thread. Given that this is a perpetually recreated sticky, it has a few rules.
  • Do not spam. This is fairly self-explanatory, and is a sitewide rule anyway. This includes posting in a blog-like manner. If you have a problem, ask a question. Posts must be on-topic.
  • Do not be an asshole. Again, relatively self-explanatory. Even if you disagree with someone's post, be respectful. If you wish to discuss a point make sure you do it in a mature manner. Name-calling is not productive. This is not a thread for personal vendettas.
  • Post detailed information. When you have a situation, post as much detailed information as possible. Be sure to use paragraphs as to avoid a wall of text. The more details you provide, the better advice other users can give.
  • Sex questions go in the Sex Thread. Here is a link: http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=543236
Last edited by SilentDeftone at Jan 24, 2008,
#2
Now, nobody is the end-all be-all of knowledge on relationships. However, there are a few things that the participants in this thread know. I admit that the following will reflect my personal views, and you are of course entitled to your own.

Frequently Asked Questions:
  • I like a girl. What do I do?
    The first thing to do is to establish some sort of rapport. Cold approaches sometimes work, but your chances are much higher if you create attraction before asking her on a date.

    Once establishing an initial rapport, you ask her on a date, and/or for her phone number. The initial rapport does not have to take days on end. It can be as little as a few minutes.

    It is most effective to communicate in person. I know texting and instant messaging seem like convenient, brilliant forms of communication, but for dating they are terrible.

    Do not tell her you like her.


  • I don't like my girlfriend anymore. Help?
    If you don't like your girlfriend anymore, you should break up with her. It is not fair to either of you to perpetuate a false relationship.


  • I'm friends with my ex and it's causing problems!
    Responses generally vary on this, but I don't think being friends with an ex is a good idea. You can be polite and civil without being friends.


  • My girlfriend wants to take a break.
    No, she doesn't. She just dumped you. If she truly wanted to be with you, she would!


  • Am I in the friendzone?
    The friendzone is a term to describe when a member of the opposite sex (or same sex if you're a homosexual, I suppose) views you as "just a friend." There is little chance you will ever be in a sexual relationship with someone who has put you in the friendzone.

    To avoid the friendzone, you must express yourself as a sexual being.


  • How do I get over my ex?
    I believe that cutting contact is the most effective way to get over an ex. Focus on something else, whether it be meeting new girls, a hobby, whatever helps you. Pretending to be friends will only prolong your feelings.


Furthermore, there are plenty of other resources about the topic of attracting women. One that I have encountered is The Book Of Pook:

It is a compilation of the ideas of a poster on another forum. There are quite a few worthwhile ideas.

Any amends, other successful viewpoints, etc. are open to discussion for addition to this post.

-SilentDeftone
Last edited by SilentDeftone at Jan 13, 2008,
#3
good job, and i can understand, but if it's well thought out and executed I think you can make her happy, unless she's a total bitch, which it doesn't sound like.

hmmm, i recently found out she took a vacation and I haven't asked her about that or...how her break was, I want to start it with a topic that can lead to other ideas and keep it interesting, hmmm, im think of how i can lead it to the #, it will flow naturally, but im gonna plan it out a little more than on a whim, else i might get too nervous or something...haha


EDIT: cool first post baby! epic thread.
Last edited by autechre) at Jan 13, 2008,
#5
dont plan things too much at the moment of truth you will get nervous and your plan will go to hell plus you might end up talking to much or making an ass of yourslef, thats why its better improvise and be cool if you keep things cool and you're confident no matter what the result may be you will still leave a good impression in her
#6
alright, i got some problems with this girl

we were a couple for a while, for only about a month and a half, and one night, after a date she told me she didn't really know how much longer she'd be able to date me. since she was getting busy with college stuff and field hockey (she's a senior and i'm only a sophomore. dunno if that means anything special). she didn't want to get too busy and have it end badly. she was also scared of really liking me, apparently. i think she might have some attachment issues, but i'm not sure. i think she's kinda running away because she's scared, based on things that have happened since.

after about a month of not really talking, she called me one night and apologized for being so unreasonable and didn't want to make me feel bad or make me not like her or anything like that. i think she mainly called me was because she had done some things to upset me and she finally realized that.

the next day, one of her best friends, (also one of my friends) talked to me and told them that the two ended up making out when they were hanging out one night about a week ago. he told me it was a mistake and all that kind of stuff. but he also told me that while she was mad at him, she was more mad at herself. he said that she felt like she was 'cheating on me' somehow.

do you think that means anything? should i try and talk to her about it?
I like sports and music.
#7
what do i do about a girl im completely in love with that lives a thousand miles away? the feeling is mutual and we talk all the time... but im afraid to strain how great we are right now by asking her to be in an official long distance relationship.... HELP ME! (oh yeah... i actually do know her. she used to live in az and go to my school but then she moved to texas. not some random myspace thing.)
#8
Autechre: Why aren't you asking her about her vacation? it will get her to talk about herself and you can find out her interests to make it easier for you, and don't plan any little monologue to get the number as there are a thousand different possibilities for the conversation path, so if you try and work to one specific one it will seem forced, so just slip it in somewhere.

Tudiosgriego: Why not play her a song? wether its one you made yourself or one she likes, i'm sure she would appreciate that, and get her something sentimental as well maybe, and the dinner idea is good too as material things come and go but a good memory will last forever (unless you get alzheimers).

EDIT: to the guy above, sorry i forgot your name, it seems to me as if she still have an attatchment to you but it can't happen because as she said, shes busy with all her stuff, she went to you after a month of not talking and now feels as though she can't do anything with anyone else, so either she still feels for you or she didn't want to complicate things with her friend.
WHOMP

Think of that next time you are not allowed to laugh.
Last edited by donender at Jan 13, 2008,
#9
Quote by SilentDeftone
Maybe you'll ask her out sooner next time.

And you really don't mind being just friends? That's like settling for second place (or 3rd, 4th… who knows how low?).

-SD


I Like spending time with her so i guess its better than nothing.

And nice Anaolgy(or metaphor or whatever, i forget English class)
#10
Quote by whosamerica
what do i do about a girl im completely in love with that lives a thousand miles away? the feeling is mutual and we talk all the time... but im afraid to strain how great we are right now by asking her to be in an official long distance relationship.... HELP ME! (oh yeah... i actually do know her. she used to live in az and go to my school but then she moved to texas. not some random myspace thing.)

Honestly I'd just find someone closer. Move on.

-SD
#11
Quote by whosamerica
what do i do about a girl im completely in love with that lives a thousand miles away? the feeling is mutual and we talk all the time... but im afraid to strain how great we are right now by asking her to be in an official long distance relationship.... HELP ME! (oh yeah... i actually do know her. she used to live in az and go to my school but then she moved to texas. not some random myspace thing.)



how old are the both of you?
#12
lolz at nubs who don't know who silentdeftone is/was

and i never noticed that book i'm gonna check it out for sure... i r fail with the ladies
Member of the "Marty Friedman > You" Club. PM apocalypse13 or altronataku to join

Gear:

ESP LTD DV8-R
Squier SG (Specs Unknown)
Kustom KGA-10 Ten watt practice amp
Marshall TSL 602

My JEM Build
#13
Quote by TimEastonRules
do you think that means anything? should i try and talk to her about it?

No. Just leave her alone. You're broken up, her emotions are her own problems. If she wanted to be with you, she shouldn't have dumped you.

-SD
#14
If one of my best friends has a gf who has a thing for me, would it be bad to do stuff with her?
Are You a PROG-HEAD? I am.


We raise the Vibratory so high
That all untruth will fall of its own dead weight
#15
Quote by donender

Tudiosgriego: Why not play her a song? wether its one you made yourself or one she likes, i'm sure she would appreciate that, and get her something sentimental as well maybe, and the dinner idea is good too as material things come and go but a good memory will last forever (unless you get alzheimers).


and then it all goes to hell lol. any way yeah i will go with the dinner and i wrote her a letter last week i will also give it to her. The playing her a song thing is a good idea but as being a bass player and not having an idea of how to play the song on guitar it would be a problem but i may try it and see what happens
#16
Quote by seek_&_destroy
lolz at nubs who don't know who silentdeftone is/was

and i never noticed that book i'm gonna check it out for sure... i r fail with the ladies

I'm only about 2/3 of the way through it. Some of it I disagree with but his perspective is wonderfully refreshing.

Quote by incarnation
If one of my best friends has a gf who has a thing for me, would it be bad to do stuff with her?

Yes. Bros before hoes. If she makes a move on you you should tell your friend.

-SD
#18
Quote by tudiosgriego
and then it all goes to hell lol. any way yeah i will go with the dinner and i wrote her a letter last week i will also give it to her. The playing her a song thing is a good idea but as being a bass player and not having an idea of how to play the song on guitar it would be a problem but i may try it and see what happens

Ah right, well i guess you could make a slap funk oddysee and dedicate it to her , unless you aren't really into that kind of thing, then you are kinda stuck.
WHOMP

Think of that next time you are not allowed to laugh.
#19
Quote by whosamerica
im 17, shes 16. we've known each other for 3 years.



Drive to get to her?

But i strongly advice against LD relationships....

It won't work, especially in that age.....
#20
Mkay, so here's my situation:

I have a best friend who I like a lot. I can't tell if she likes me, but we hang out basically every other day and do EVERYTHING together. And we flirt, or at least do things that most guys would consider flirting... pillow fights, poking, shoving (in a friendly way)... and to make things more complicated, she has a boyfriend. They are a terrible couple and she is well aware of it, but they have been together for almost 6 years and she's got the whole "nobody could replace him" attitude. She knows I like her. Last time I checked, she was in the whole "I like you too but we are such awesome friends I don't want to **** that up" phase, which I completely agree with... but still.

Then there's the other girl. We have history... oh boy do we have history. She's totally into me... problem is, she's an idiot. Not in the academic sense. She could make straight As in honors classes if she wanted to. But she just lacks common sense a lot of the time, and it really gets on my nerves. She's also the "call every two seconds" type. But nonetheless, I'm quite attracted to her... not as much as the first girl, but enough to go through (yet another) relationship with her.

But, YET ANOTHER COMPLICATION. The first girl has known the second girl longer than I have, and I've known them both for pretty damn long. She thinks that the second girl would use the crap out of me. Which I could see happening... but... gah.

So, to sum it up: first girl = amazing person, very attractive, incredibly smart, we have EVERYTHING in common, in my eyes we would make a perfect couple... yet she is virtually inaccessible unless I do something drastic.

Second girl = one of the hottest chicks I've ever seen, definitely into me, I could have her in an instant... yet she's a social retard and emotionally unstable.

So... can anyone tell me what the best thing to do here is?
Heads will roll. Throats will be slit. Blood will flow like springs of water.
#21
lol i may try it you never know the effect a song can have on a lady.

i may ask a freind of mine to teach me a song she likes and then play it to her or maybe dedicate a song of my band on our next show
#22
Quote by mafropetee
So, to sum it up: first girl = amazing person, very attractive, incredibly smart, we have EVERYTHING in common, in my eyes we would make a perfect couple... yet she is virtually inaccessible unless I do something drastic.

Second girl = one of the hottest chicks I've ever seen, definitely into me, I could have her in an instant... yet she's a social retard and emotionally unstable.

So... can anyone tell me what the best thing to do here is?

Date a 3rd girl.

And I'm not so sure about this "friendship" you have with the first girl. I don't think it's healthy when one is attracted and the other isn't.

-SD
#23
*despammed, and properly edited with the old one*
Populus vult decipi. Decipiatur.

Quote by Mistress_Ibanez
It's can be a contraction and genitive case.

Quote by Mistress_Ibanez
If you cut down on these costs students won't learn so well, effecting the "quality"...
#24
Well the other one has a boyfriend and the other one you don't like. Find some new women. Easier said than done i know, but i think thats better than whats going on right now
#25
Quote by mafropetee
Mkay, so here's my situation:

I have a best friend who I like a lot. I can't tell if she likes me, but we hang out basically every other day and do EVERYTHING together. And we flirt, or at least do things that most guys would consider flirting... pillow fights, poking, shoving (in a friendly way)... and to make things more complicated, she has a boyfriend. They are a terrible couple and she is well aware of it, but they have been together for almost 6 years and she's got the whole "nobody could replace him" attitude. She knows I like her. Last time I checked, she was in the whole "I like you too but we are such awesome friends I don't want to **** that up" phase, which I completely agree with... but still.

Then there's the other girl. We have history... oh boy do we have history. She's totally into me... problem is, she's an idiot. Not in the academic sense. She could make straight As in honors classes if she wanted to. But she just lacks common sense a lot of the time, and it really gets on my nerves. She's also the "call every two seconds" type. But nonetheless, I'm quite attracted to her... not as much as the first girl, but enough to go through (yet another) relationship with her.

But, YET ANOTHER COMPLICATION. The first girl has known the second girl longer than I have, and I've known them both for pretty damn long. She thinks that the second girl would use the crap out of me. Which I could see happening... but... gah.

So, to sum it up: first girl = amazing person, very attractive, incredibly smart, we have EVERYTHING in common, in my eyes we would make a perfect couple... yet she is virtually inaccessible unless I do something drastic.

Second girl = one of the hottest chicks I've ever seen, definitely into me, I could have her in an instant... yet she's a social retard and emotionally unstable.

So... can anyone tell me what the best thing to do here is?


kill one then do the other at the funeral.


hahah... no. in any case i say get with the retard. truthfully it would probably be a great time killer till girl 1 ends it with guy 1. sometimes you just gotta stop being played and be a player. first off by showing girl 1 that she doesn't have complete control over you.
#26
Quote by FrenchyFungus
*despammed, and properly edited with the old one*

Thanks.

Quote by whosamerica
hahah... no. in any case i say get with the retard. truthfully it would probably be a great time killer till girl 1 ends it with guy 1. sometimes you just gotta stop being played and be a player. first off by showing girl 1 that she doesn't have complete control over you.

I wouldn't date someone I didn't like.

-SD
#27
Quote by incarnation
If one of my best friends has a gf who has a thing for me, would it be bad to do stuff with her?

yes very bad. remember bro's before hoes dude
edit- SD said it before i did
#28
Unless you're looking for a 'quick ride' stay away from no.2

From what i've gathered she'll get on your nerves or cheat on you faster than a mouse eats cheese.

And as long as no.1 is with him, you can't do anything.

Besides, if she wanted to be with you instead of him, she would have broken up with him already.

I'd say find a no.3 to be with.....


VÅDEDIT

This is the 4th time i'm posting this, UG freezes all the time, what the hell Frenchy? :p
#29
Quote by rtbsmgsmf
yes very bad. remember bro's before hoes dude
edit- SD said it before i did

Alright, just checking
Are You a PROG-HEAD? I am.


We raise the Vibratory so high
That all untruth will fall of its own dead weight
#30
I like both of them, and I'm pretty sure both like me. It's just... one would take a lot more work to get to, and the other I would probably end up regretting later on.

And I've been trying for the past few months to find someone else. If I do then I'll leave the current situation where it stands. But so far, nothing but failure in the search for another decent woman.

*sigh* If only I was satisfied with just my hand and the internet. But sadly, I'm not.
Heads will roll. Throats will be slit. Blood will flow like springs of water.
#31
Quote by mafropetee
I like both of them, and I'm pretty sure both like me. It's just... one would take a lot more work to get to, and the other I would probably end up regretting later on.

You've already recognized red flags in the second girl. If you're willing to put up with those, then date her. If not, don't.

The first girl is a lost cause, I think.

-SD
#32
Quote by mafropetee
I like both of them, and I'm pretty sure both like me. It's just... one would take a lot more work to get to, and the other I would probably end up regretting later on.

And I've been trying for the past few months to find someone else. If I do then I'll leave the current situation where it stands. But so far, nothing but failure in the search for another decent woman.

*sigh* If only I was satisfied with just my hand and the internet. But sadly, I'm not.


But even though no.1 likes you, she likes her current bf more.

That's just how it is skipper, nothing to do about that....
#33
Incarnation: Yes, it is, put yourself in your friends shoes, she is off limits to you until they break up and he is ok with it.

mafropetee: Hmm, well the one with the boyfriend, again is off limits as you well know, and you are very good friends with her, maybe she is attracted to you but more so to her man, he may be a bad boyfriend but there must be a reason she is with him after 6 years, i would say go for the other one or find another girl alltogether as waiting for the first girl is a dead end for now.

Ok, so my problem is ongoing, for anyone who dosen't know, i know a girl who i have liked for a while who is now with my friend, we recently fell out bigtime as she thought i was trying to break them up and all that, we haven't talked for a month. Now, there are a few problems with this, he has recently popped her cherry and now she talks about their sex life quite openly, and a few days ago a friend told me inside info that she does it on purpose to annoy me, and later said to me "do you ever get the feeling you know you are gonna end up with someone, i don't mean you and her", and it seemed when we came round to that topic there was something he kept leaving unsaid.

Another problem is in a little over a month there is a college trip for about 5 days, only 5 of us from our class are going, including her and her boyfriend, now, my lecturer told me he has noticed the tension between me and her and wants us to make up before the trip, because hes thinking of putting everyone whos going from our class in the same room, now, the problem is i don't particularly want to make up with her as i know that if (or when) i do i am gonna be getting the inside scoop on what her and her boyfriend did yesterday, but i know if i don't make up with her it will make the trip very awkward as i don't particularly talk to the other 2 who are on the trip (they are also a couple) i do know a few other people who are going but i would like to be with my friend (who is going out with the problem girl) as he is one of my best mates and is a good drinking buddy (or at least he was until he became kind of pussy whipped).

So what do i do about this whole situation? why is she trying to make me jealous? (keep in mind at one point we were very close and pretty flirty, and we had a little moment on another trip).
WHOMP

Think of that next time you are not allowed to laugh.
#34
Quote by whosamerica
kill one then do the other at the funeral.


hahah... no. in any case i say get with the retard. truthfully it would probably be a great time killer till girl 1 ends it with guy 1. sometimes you just gotta stop being played and be a player. first off by showing girl 1 that she doesn't have complete control over you.


It doesn't seem like its worth hurting someone just to make a point, whether you care about her or not, and on top of that she is "emotionally unstable"
#35
Quote by donender
)wall o' text.


More paragraphs please :p

Also, ditch that bitch.

She is obviously trying to mess with you, so leave her to her own sh*t....
#36
Woo Hooooo 2nd page! hahaha. And as to avoid the spam warning:

Quote by donender
Incarnation: Yes, it is, put yourself in your friends shoes, she is off limits to you until they break up and he is ok with it.

mafropetee: Hmm, well the one with the boyfriend, again is off limits as you well know, and you are very good friends with her, maybe she is attracted to you but more so to her man, he may be a bad boyfriend but there must be a reason she is with him after 6 years, i would say go for the other one or find another girl alltogether as waiting for the first girl is a dead end for now.

Ok, so my problem is ongoing, for anyone who dosen't know, i know a girl who i have liked for a while who is now with my friend, we recently fell out bigtime as she thought i was trying to break them up and all that, we haven't talked for a month. Now, there are a few problems with this, he has recently popped her cherry and now she talks about their sex life quite openly, and a few days ago a friend told me inside info that she does it on purpose to annoy me, and later said to me "do you ever get the feeling you know you are gonna end up with someone, i don't mean you and her", and it seemed when we came round to that topic there was something he kept leaving unsaid.

Another problem is in a little over a month there is a college trip for about 5 days, only 5 of us from our class are going, including her and her boyfriend, now, my lecturer told me he has noticed the tension between me and her and wants us to make up before the trip, because hes thinking of putting everyone whos going from our class in the same room, now, the problem is i don't particularly want to make up with her as i know that if (or when) i do i am gonna be getting the inside scoop on what her and her boyfriend did yesterday, but i know if i don't make up with her it will make the trip very awkward as i don't particularly talk to the other 2 who are on the trip (they are also a couple) i do know a few other people who are going but i would like to be with my friend (who is going out with the problem girl) as he is one of my best mates and is a good drinking buddy (or at least he was until he became kind of pussy whipped).

So what do i do about this whole situation? why is she trying to make me jealous? (keep in mind at one point we were very close and pretty flirty, and we had a little moment on another trip).


Just make up with her, and then forget about her if you want. If she's just trying to torment you, avoid her.
#37
Quote by donender
Another problem is in a little over a month there is a college trip for about 5 days, only 5 of us from our class are going, including her and her boyfriend, now, my lecturer told me he has noticed the tension between me and her and wants us to make up before the trip, because hes thinking of putting everyone whos going from our class in the same room, now, the problem is i don't particularly want to make up with her as i know that if (or when) i do i am gonna be getting the inside scoop on what her and her boyfriend did yesterday, but i know if i don't make up with her it will make the trip very awkward as i don't particularly talk to the other 2 who are on the trip (they are also a couple) i do know a few other people who are going but i would like to be with my friend (who is going out with the problem girl) as he is one of my best mates and is a good drinking buddy (or at least he was until he became kind of pussy whipped).

So what do i do about this whole situation? why is she trying to make me jealous? (keep in mind at one point we were very close and pretty flirty, and we had a little moment on another trip).

It's none of your lecturer's business. I wouldn't "make up," there's nothing to "make up" about. Be civil and don't initiate.

Just deal with it. Being a 3rd wheel sucks sometimes, but it can also rock other times - like when you see a hot girl on the street and can go talk with her. Focus on the trip and not the drama.

-SD
#38
Quote by donender
Autechre: Why aren't you asking her about her vacation? it will get her to talk about herself and you can find out her interests to make it easier for you, and don't plan any little monologue to get the number as there are a thousand different possibilities for the conversation path, so if you try and work to one specific one it will seem forced, so just slip it in somewhere.


That's what i meant, and im not gonna pretdetermine it, but i am going to have some questions atleast.
#39
To the guys who are telling me to leave her: That would be easy in theory but the thing is, she tries to get the class to revolve around her and i have made some good friends, and so it is hard to avoid her seeing as she is normally right there in the middle of the group. Plus, we will be on this trip, staying in the same room, its hard enough that there will probably be a make out session or more every night, without us two hating eachother.

To the guys saying make up: That would also be hard as i will end up probably liking her again, before it was easy as i could take them kissing eachother but now it will be quite hard, plus when we had this falling out she said she dosen't want to talk to me unless she has to, and we have tried to keep it that way since.

EDIT: Yeah, SD, i know but i mean, its gonna be hard as me and her used to be really close and have a good laugh together, and on the last 2 trips we were on me and her were very close, so its gonna be wierd with it being so different on this one, plus as i said, her boyfriend and i are very good friends and drinking buddies but it will be hard for me if she is there.

I am usually civil with her but she is the one who tries to rope me into an argument, and my lecturer is alright, but he said he just dosen't want to make it any harder for anyone as its difficult enough as it is organizing the trip without having to think about 2 people not getting on.
WHOMP

Think of that next time you are not allowed to laugh.
Last edited by donender at Jan 13, 2008,
#40
Quote by donender
To the guys who are telling me to leave her: That would be easy in theory but the thing is, she tries to get the class to revolve around her and i have made some good friends, and so it is hard to avoid her seeing as she is normally right there in the middle of the group. Plus, we will be on this trip, staying in the same room, its hard enough that there will probably be a make out session or more every night, without us two hating eachother.

To the guys saying make up: That would also be hard as i will end up probably liking her again, before it was easy as i could take them kissing eachother but now it will be quite hard, plus when we had this falling out she said she dosen't want to talk to me unless she has to, and we have tried to keep it that way since.


Just be cold?

Can't you put up a decent facade of uncaringness against her?

(eg like hide your emotions away and just be...normal to her?)