#1
In life everyone come across challenges and decisions must be made. It is my personal belief that in life we have to do not what is logical, but that which creates the best story. It is in that spirit that i submit to you this story of my recent... painful... predicament.

It all begins with free milk. You see a tenant down the hall was going out of town, and as such he asked if i wanted some milk he had in his fridge that would expire before he returned. Nothing bad there, I'm a cheap college student and free things are always good. However, over the next two days that was about all i drank. Well, anyone familiar with human digestion may realize that improper hydration and a high lactose intake isn't exactly the key to good digestion. In short i was constipated. That was the point at which i had to make a decision.. well most people would think of something like laxatives, stool softeners, or possible medical intervention... not me. You see a bleeding rectum tends to impair ones cognitive abilities, that's when i knew i had to do what created the best story. Immediately i wiped my ass pulled up my pants and walked down the hall. As i knocked upon the door of an African American gentleman i was acquainted with i contemplated my next move carefully. He answered the door and i spoke "Um... dude... can i borrow your lube?" (I was aware he possessed lubricant for sexual porpoises) The young man stared at me oddly and looked around. I could tell he was checking to see if i was with a woman, noting i was alone he queried "**** man, why do u need that?" I answered promptly "Well, i need to take a massive shit, any more ****ing questions?" The gentleman though for a second and then went back into his room, retrieved the lubricant and handed it to me. Returning to the restroom i put the lubricant to use, and to spare you the gory details it did the trick. I gave birth to a large, bloody, chocolate-mudbaby. For those of you wondering it was a Type 2 on the Bristol Stool Chart, coiled thrice, and weighed an ESTIMATED 2.3 courics.

On that my friends i leave you, although painful i felt the pit needed to hear this tale. Lord knows my friends would have posted something to the extent without me anyway. No doubt glorifying the lubing of my ass. So i felt i should deliver this message. And I wish you all the sweetest of dreams, and after this story nightmares. Good day.
#3


I must say my good sir. Your post is quite disturbing to say the least.

You sir have problems
You are now blinking manually
#6
Congratulations on your epic dump...


...theres really nothing else i can say...

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THE ASTRAL PANDA σƒ τλε τρπ βπστλεπλσσδ

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Last.fm
#7
dis-gusting!

you "borrowed" his lube? did you return it?
Quote by archerygenious
Jesus Christ since when is the Pit a ****ing courtroom...

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#8
O.o

You what?
Co-President of the 'Guitarists Born In 1991' Club. PM Me, gdm09 or blues_rocker to join.
#9
my question is... how exactly did you know that that guy had lube?

and he used it sexual purposes?


maybe that was first hand knowledge, hmmm??
#11
Quote by Walkenbot
(I was aware he possessed lubricant for sexual porpoises) .


Wait... this guy fucks dolphins?
Co-President of the 'Guitarists Born In 1991' Club. PM Me, gdm09 or blues_rocker to join.
#12
Quote by <CJ>
You what?


You heard me.

Quote by diablo_man
my question is... how exactly did you know that that guy had lube?

and he used it sexual purposes?


maybe that was first hand knowledge, hmmm??


He was black. j/k Actually i knew him from beforehand and due to an awkward series of events the subject had come up. But seriously, if i was gay would i really have had trouble getting things in and out of my ass?


(The pourpises thing is italicized because it's an intentional spelling error. he does not have sex with dolphins. However, i felt like typing it.)
#13
Quote by Walkenbot
(The pourpises thing is italicized because it's an intentional spelling error. he does not have sex with dolphins. However, i felt like typing it.)


Why would you do that? I like you man but you're crazy.
Co-President of the 'Guitarists Born In 1991' Club. PM Me, gdm09 or blues_rocker to join.
#14
Quote by <CJ>
Why would you do that? I like you man but you're crazy.


Sir, you having read my story i find it odd you feel that my intentional and italicized spelling error is the crazy part. However, i will not attempt to refute you assessment of my mental state, as it is probably accurate..... and i liek you too.

Edit: BTW i felt like sigging you.
#15
Huzzah!

That is quite an extensive vocabulary you possess. Anywho, congratz on the monster ****.
Co-President of the 'Guitarists Born In 1991' Club. PM Me, gdm09 or blues_rocker to join.