#1
Basically, I made some music, its sounded sad, then I thought about some words, as I continuously listened to the song. Thus, I titled it, "Something Sad." So, read if you'd like, crit for crit, though I can't promise a response from me right away, I am a busy man. Just leave me links and I will get to your stuff even if it takes me forever.


"Something Sad"

Everything seems to be alright,
Lonely as I imagine
This is why my friends are made of air
And not just with your sand
I wish I knew what was wrong with me
Only if I could imagine

All you are is something sad
But all you were is what I…

Sometimes I like to think things are ok
Somewhere in your dreams
Now my lowly friends are silhouettes
And never ending waves
I wish I knew what was wrong with me
Just let me have my dreams

All you are is something sad
But all you were is what I…

(Spoken)
Sorry, I’m sorry, just…just forget me

All you are is something sad
But all you were is what I had
anybody wanna put anything here just let me know
Last edited by societies_worm at Jan 31, 2008,
#2
Bumped for now. I definitely owe you a crit after the feedback you gave me. I'll get back to this.
#3
Quote by societies_worm
"Something Sad"

Everything seems to be alright,
Lonely as I imagine
This is why my friends are made of air
And not just with your sand This is the only line I personally would change. It just sounds a bit abrupt/harsh
I wish I knew what was wrong with me
Only if I could imagine

All you are is something sad
But all you were is what I…

Sometimes I like to think things are ok
Somewhere in your dreams
Now my lowly friends are silhouettes
And never ending waves I think these two lines are the best two
I wish I knew what was wrong with me
Just let me have my dreams

All you are is something sad
But all you were is what I…

(Spoken)
Sorry, I’m sorry, just…just forget me I was surprised to see "forget", I was expecting "forgive"

All you are is something sad
But all you were is what I had


The two verses sit well together. I like the flow and the bleak atmosphere you paint.
I like the reiteration (or whatever the proper name is) of imagine and dreams in the two verses. This is just my personal view and I'm pretty new to this critiquing thing.

Here's one of mine that I'm desperately after some crits for. I'll certainly take look at any others you post in future.
Last edited by osbourd2 at Feb 1, 2008,