#1

In the end we're all boxes
packed and unpacked and
used.

Sometimes they put me with other boxes,
through no choice of my own -
but it never worked out
They said I held too much,
held on to too much,
to do them any good.
I told them their boxes are too big and
no one wants them
and that's why they're bitter.

They wrapped me in tape
shipped me off around the world.
Other countries.
I never changed.
No matter how much tape there was, I could
never stick to other boxes but

Then

I started to drink.
I became
waterlogged.
But at least now other boxes stick to me.




love is a dog from hell.



#2
Quote by we have sound

In the end we're all boxes
packed and unpacked and
used.


First line really grabs your attention . Next lines after that are simple and predictable. It can be me though . I have no life at all . Repetition of "and" really bothered me .
I didn't like whole use of "packed and unpacked" . You can associate something else to the boxes like "empty , packed or used" .I guess it's a personal choice anyway.



Sometimes they put me with other boxes,
through no choice of my own -

didn't liked "through" just didn't liked it

but it never worked out
They said I held too much,
held on to too much,
to do them any good.
I told them their boxes are too big and
no one wants them
and that's why they're bitter.

ending is not as good as the rest of it .

They wrapped me in tape
shipped me off around the world.
Other countries.
I never changed.
No matter how much tape there was, I could
never stick to other boxes but

In the above stanza you are missing some sort of a personal reference like "They taped me from the wrong side maybe thats why you could never stick yourself to the other boxes" Just a thought . Also the whole condition of box remains same bit is
really childish . You can write something like in between the travel you've been handled roughly sometimes but nothing inside you has broken.


Then

I started to drink.
I became
waterlogged.
But at least now other boxes stick to me.

ending is nice.


Not your best but nice anyway.


Andy
Hi
#3
Beautiful metaphor, but you took the repitition of boxes too far. It started to get irritating towards the end.

The ending was quietly heartbreaking.