#1
A punk song I wrote about the war. Meant to be symbolic of what happens to our young kids here in the nation. USA! USA! USA! Hoo-rah!


Punk In Pakistan

They locked me up in juvi
Swore they'd kill me there
Said I wasn't groovy
With my fifteen inch long hair

They chopped it off and told me
"From here you'll go to war"
I swear those barbers rolled me
Right on out the door

So here I am
In Pakistan
With a 'nade in the left
Sweatin in my hand
So here I am
In Pakistan
With a heart full of lead
And a mouth full of sand

Looked on to my left
Saw a private dying
Tried to patch his wounds up
But man the sun was frying

So I carried him behind me
Looked back to see him dead
There was a man beside me
And this is what he said:

Here I am
In Pakistan
With blood on my face
Bullets in my hand
Here I am
In Pakistan
With a picture of my kid
Before he was a man

I glanced down at the child
Sitting on the stool
The soldier then went wild
And ran off like a fool

I heard it in the distance
The sounding of a bomb
Then came reminisence
As I cried out for my mom

Here I am
In Pakistan
With dust on my boots
Weaponry unbound
Here I am
In Pakistan
Protecting my whole nation
From a future underground
If your life was a song, would you sing my name?
#2
i liked it, but you should have called it "Punkistan"
This is my signature. There are many like it but this one is MINE.
#3
dude, I only read the first couple stanzas but phenomenal job. definitly put some chords to it and youll have a hit (at least with your friends.)
#5
dude, this is awesome.
i found the chorus to not fit in perfectly with the way it was playing through my head, but everything sounds amazing other than that
Quote by metaldud536
Because there is a bomb in the lasagna!


Quote by Kid_Thorazine
make loud howling noises and throw your feces at them whenever they bring it up, I suggest that your GF does the same.
#7
Quote by meltfireisland
the war is in iraq


the war's pretty much wherever the **** bush wants it to be...
If your life was a song, would you sing my name?
#8
Quote by sixstringsteve
i liked it, but you should have called it "Punkistan"


haha, that would be awesome. not in a punk band, but **** man, what would be more fun than being that plaid shorts torn up sneaks guy who has liberty spikes? warped tour isnt even warped tour without punk. its the base of almost everything rebellious
If your life was a song, would you sing my name?
#9
Quote by MordancyRhythm
haha, that would be awesome. not in a punk band, but **** man, what would be more fun than being that plaid shorts torn up sneaks guy who has liberty spikes? warped tour isnt even warped tour without punk. its the base of almost everything rebellious


Eh?
#10
Great song. I don't know if its just the way I am singing it but a couple parts don't flow to well but like I said its really a great song.
#11
One word.............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................. AWESOME!!!!
With an irresistible blend of reggae induced hip-hop and catchy pop-punk hooks, Half Chance Heroes captivates audiences with their unique sound and energetic stage show. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8bSU0u8uvM
#13
Unless you're in Fugzai, don't ever write political Punk songs.

There's not a "political" Punk band in the world right now who has any idea what the fuck they're talking about. The war IS in Iraq, not Pakistan. And it's not "Wherever the fuck Bush wants it to be" because the only place it's IN is in IRAQ. This isn't hard.

What are you even ranting about? All I get out of this is that punk's don't like barbers cutting off their spikes and that the sun is really hot. Images of dead soldiers and pictures of your kids aren't political statements.

It's like going to a NOFX show and seeing a moron on stage wearing a Bush mask. It's not a political statement, it's political parody, and not good parody at that. This is a juvenile attempt at presenting knowledge on something.
Poor advice.
#14
Definitely with Stellar on this one. This was juvenile at best. Shows general lack of knowledge (as you are off base, plus fueling this entire song with what the media presents). Your rhyme scheme was overly simple... and grated on my nerves. Sure, you are entitled to free speech and opinion... but this was poorly thought out and honestly would be the type of song I would turn off three words in.

-zC
#15
Unless you're in Fugzai, don't ever write political Punk songs.

There's not a "political" Punk band in the world right now who has any idea what the fuck they're talking about. The war IS in Iraq, not Pakistan. And it's not "Wherever the fuck Bush wants it to be" because the only place it's IN is in IRAQ. This isn't hard.

What are you even ranting about? All I get out of this is that punk's don't like barbers cutting off their spikes and that the sun is really hot. Images of dead soldiers and pictures of your kids aren't political statements.

It's like going to a NOFX show and seeing a moron on stage wearing a Bush mask. It's not a political statement, it's political parody, and not good parody at that. This is a juvenile attempt at presenting knowledge on something.

If I could warn you for ignorance I would.

You're wrong, wrong, wrong. There are other bands than the ones known to your godly self.

Also,

http://www.suntimes.com/news/world/762636,CST-NWS-terror28.article

If you don't have anything to say regarding the piece itself, please refrain for posting, as it is spam. Thank you.


Edit : on with the actual piece, now.

Threadstarter, while your piece does seem a little juvenile, don't get discourage from writing about whatever the hell you want. It's easy to say how cliché/bad political songs are when 95% of the people writing now write about their personal lives and stories they've lived, things they saw... It's good to see that you're actually interested in something else than your own damn person.
/rant

When I say juvenile, it's just that the writing could be developed in such a more mature way. Stanzas like this ;
I glanced down at the child
Sitting on the stool
The soldier then went wild
And ran off like a fool

,with such a forced rhyme aren't of much value. They don't add anything to the piece, besides making it sound silly.

Also, here's a tip. When you write about something, you have to know it. You have to research it upside down. This is another reason why political songs are often frowned upon ; Half of the time, people don't really know what they are complaining against. You're talking about the war in Pakistan? What are the causes of that war? How long has it been undergoing? How many victims? Maybe place the setting in a specific town of Pakistan. Just prove the reader that you actually know what you are talking about and it'll be much better received.

I encourage you to keep writing about whatever you want, especially politics, if that's your thing. It'll give you another good reason to keep yourself well informed too. Please don't mind the people here telling you not to write in a specific genre.
#16
I mean, I understand there anger and how they view it "stupid." But I do know where the war is, what its about. I've studied every conspiracy inside out and have had to take news of soldiers dying in family. What the point of this song was is to PRESENT the punk aspect, that punk is stupid as hell. I love punk. Do you think people would have called the rhyme "stool" and "fool" juvenile if the Ramones made it a long time ago? Not that I discourage that statement, but yea, thanks for reassuring me what I can and can't write about. Besides, (this is for stellar and the other guy), how many people in this country listen to punk to learn a message? How many people listen to punk because they want to know the truth? Almost 0% because punk is loved for the way it is, not the way its said.
If your life was a song, would you sing my name?
#18
What I was trying to say is what circular.parade said. I meant Juvenile in the sens of the writing. God knows I don't like punk or writing about politics, but I also know it is some peoples Shtick. But, it bothers me when people write about it in an immature and not well thought out way. You are taking on something that everyone can make a very personal matter... how the world is run, and if you do so in a way that is undeveloped you come off looking dumb and like an asshole. I didn't get the asshole out of this piece, but I did feel (when I was done reading) like you hadn't done your research... like you had watched 20 minutes of CNN and then gone on a rant. Thus my negative feelings about the piece.

As to the Ramones comment... don't even get me started on teh ramones. I can't think of any band I dislike more than the Ramones, but that is personal preference so we won't argue it here. And sure, punk is loved because it is punk... but if you are posting lyrics on a lyric and writing forum, we are evaluating hte writing and message not the "punk-ness" thus we are going to look into how it is said.

All that being said, I'm sorry if I came off as an asshole. But that is the way I feel.

-zC
#19
Quote by ZanasCross
What I was trying to say is what circular.parade said. I meant Juvenile in the sens of the writing. God knows I don't like punk or writing about politics, but I also know it is some peoples Shtick. But, it bothers me when people write about it in an immature and not well thought out way. You are taking on something that everyone can make a very personal matter... how the world is run, and if you do so in a way that is undeveloped you come off looking dumb and like an asshole. I didn't get the asshole out of this piece, but I did feel (when I was done reading) like you hadn't done your research... like you had watched 20 minutes of CNN and then gone on a rant. Thus my negative feelings about the piece.

As to the Ramones comment... don't even get me started on teh ramones. I can't think of any band I dislike more than the Ramones, but that is personal preference so we won't argue it here. And sure, punk is loved because it is punk... but if you are posting lyrics on a lyric and writing forum, we are evaluating hte writing and message not the "punk-ness" thus we are going to look into how it is said.

All that being said, I'm sorry if I came off as an asshole. But that is the way I feel.

-zC


I understand ya then I guess.
If your life was a song, would you sing my name?
#21
I didn't like, but I am not into the whole political war song thing, even though, Metallica is one of my favorite bands. But they just kick ass. Anywho, I will tell you this, with the suggestion the first comment made on naming this "punkistan" and with the write music, you will have yourself a hit, unless the mainstream undergoes a complete revolution. Not really a crit, just letting you know to jump on this ****, and make sure the music is perfect. Cause it most definitely would be a hit. But nothing I'd listen to, but a lot of my friends would!
anybody wanna put anything here just let me know