#1
My english teacher assigned us a project, as to which i am to write a poem on my philosophy on life. I threw it together in about ten minutes, and figured i could share it with UG. and i realize that there is no meter or ryhme scheme, but i argued with my teacher that poetry doesn't have any rules to follow to be poetry. He didn't buy it but i still write like this anyway:

at one point in time
a blank canvas said to a paintbrush,"
"paint me"
"how so?" said the paintbrush"
"paint me who i am" the canvas said
a confused paintbrush replied with
"who do you want to be?"
"i want to be a painted canvas,
painted with the image of fun
with the carelessness of what people think
aaccompanied without the fear of death
with the will to do whatever makes life fun
with love
with who i am"
the paintbrush said
"but people won't like you"
"what does it matter?" asked the canvas
"it doesn't", replied the paintbrush


enjoy
"it is better to be a part of beauty
for one instant and then to cease
to exist than to exist forever
and never be part of beauty"
-Don Marquis

Quote by nebraskan
People who are racist are probably the most ignorant alive.

A serious sig? WHATTT?
#3
i like it, and i dont know why...i think im too tired to get what it means

maybe your teacher was too
TheBurningFish wrote:
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#4
Wow! i really like this. Its deep. keep up the good work. not to mention your teacher is an idiot. this is poetry and very good for that matter
#5
Yea, this is good stuff... And your statement about your teacher only cements my opinion that teachers have no idea what they are talking about
Quote by sickman411
S-Gsus wept
#6
Thanks you all!

My teacher isn't a bad guy at all, he just didn't agree with me there. It's my goal to change his mind before the end of the year.
"it is better to be a part of beauty
for one instant and then to cease
to exist than to exist forever
and never be part of beauty"
-Don Marquis

Quote by nebraskan
People who are racist are probably the most ignorant alive.

A serious sig? WHATTT?
#7
I have a couple of things. First, nice work, it's very simple, and very well put. That said, consider a few minor changes. For starters, if it were me, I'd just take off the first line. It feels totally unnecessary to me. Try changing "Paint me who I am" to "Paint me as I am", or even simply "Paint who I am." The first doesn't sit right. Now, the middle section was the weakest. Usage is off (''carelessness" being an example), which messes up the ideas, and that's no good, because that part is the whole point of the piece. "Fun" sounds too juvenile, especially used twice like that, so try changing that word. I also think "I want to be a painted canvas" should be it's own idea (i.e., a period should go there). That would make it hit harder, in my opinion. Generally, that part is just a little sloppy, clean it up a bit, come up with a really solid way of presenting those ideas.
The ending is great.
I like it a lot, overall. Good luck.
(Take a look at mine, if you like. I'd appreciate it.
http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=770564 )
#8
Quote by DETote
I have a couple of things. First, nice work, it's very simple, and very well put. That said, consider a few minor changes. For starters, if it were me, I'd just take off the first line. It feels totally unnecessary to me. Try changing "Paint me who I am" to "Paint me as I am", or even simply "Paint who I am." The first doesn't sit right. Now, the middle section was the weakest. Usage is off (''carelessness" being an example), which messes up the ideas, and that's no good, because that part is the whole point of the piece. "Fun" sounds too juvenile, especially used twice like that, so try changing that word. I also think "I want to be a painted canvas" should be it's own idea (i.e., a period should go there). That would make it hit harder, in my opinion. Generally, that part is just a little sloppy, clean it up a bit, come up with a really solid way of presenting those ideas.
The ending is great.
I like it a lot, overall. Good luck.
(Take a look at mine, if you like. I'd appreciate it.
http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=770564 )


Ahh thanks dude!
"it is better to be a part of beauty
for one instant and then to cease
to exist than to exist forever
and never be part of beauty"
-Don Marquis

Quote by nebraskan
People who are racist are probably the most ignorant alive.

A serious sig? WHATTT?
#9
I like it. The only thing I'm not real fond of is the double use of the word fun.

painted with the image of fun
with the carelessness of what people think
aaccompanied without the fear of death
with the will to do whatever makes life fun - try another word here to replace fun maybe exciting,