#1
Leanna rubbed her hands against the burgundy interiors of the elevator walls.
A small chandelier hangs from the roof and soothing Eastern lounge music
plays from the speakers.
Fancy for an elevator.
Calming.
Once the doors opened it had become obvious that the elevator was probably
built with a very large amount of grant money, as it seemed that no extra
expenses were spent updating anything else in this shithole.
The baige hallway walls were cracking and the marble on the floors were stained.
Like crossing into Arkansas from Brighton.
Leanna shuffled her questionaire cards and took a seat in the waiting room.
A hand rested on her shoulder and she stood up.
This must be him.
He was in his mid 20's.
His hair was greasy and you could put groceries in the bags under his eyes.
His paramedic's uniform was crumpled.
"Are you....Yoni?"
"Yeah. And you're here for the jobshadowsing stuff, right?"
"Mmhmm."
"Well, I'm on the clock so we're going to have to do this on-call in the cab."

At 7 a.m. the hospital parking garage was completely empty except for Yoni's
lone amulance cab, which was parked dead center across three spaces.
He never looked her in the face.
"This is for, what, a college assignment?"
"High School. Managing Resources class."
"What's your name again?"
"Leanna. Leanna Gutekunst."
"Ho now, wait, are you Dr. Gutekunst's daughter?"
"Mmhmm."
"Well why didn't you shadow him? That sounds like an easy grade, I mean,
I'm sure you know enough about surgeons growing up with one in the family
and such."
"I didn't want to job shadow a surgeon. I wanted to do a paramedic."
"Fair enough."
Yoni opened a new pack of cigarettes, threw the linolium on the floor
and lit up.
"There's no smoking in hospitals, right?"
"I smoke when no one can see me."
Their footsteps echo up through each level.
Every nuance of every sound is inteligible.
"By the way...Do you think you can leave out a description on how I look today?
I look like seven kinds of shit this morning."
"It's not that kind of interview."
Once to the cab, Yoni opens the passengers side door for her and she crawls in.
"Oh hey, do me a favor and don't touch anything. I hate to treat you like
an infant but an elementary school had a field trip to the hospital last week and we
gave them a tour of the cabs and I'm still kind of realing from that nightmare."
"I won't, sure."
Yoni pushed away unopened mail and fast food bags to make a spot for
Leanna to sit.
As he turned the key in the ignition, an 87 Sierra screeched from around the corner
and right into a pillar.
"Oh, shit! Goddamn...Should we do something?"
"It's a hopsital, someone will take care of it."
They pulled out of the garage and onto the streets.

"Can I begin?"
"Um...wait......Eh, yeah. Sure."
"Question one: Why did you choose to be a paramedic? Did the bleak and morose
nature of the field somehow mirror your own nature and outlook on life? And why -"
"Wait, shit, what kind of question is that?"
"Do you want me to skip it?"
"Yes."
"Ok, question 2: Describe your job as a paramedic."
Yoni shuffled in his seat.
"Um, well. I guess you could say my job is similar to a maid."
"How so?"
"I clean up people's messes. Someone gets hurt, I'm their to solve the problem.
Most accidents aren't accidents and can be prevented. Two people get in a knife
fight over someone's 'baby boo' and cut each other up and I'm there to take
care of what's left. Things like that. Like a maid."
"So what, you get no satisfaction from your job?"
"Well, it never starts like that. Your first month, although hectic, is rewarding.
You see shit you never get to see anywhere else. Here's a story:"

This couple comes into the ER. Dressed up.
The guy is in a nice suit and the girl's wearing a sexy light blue dress.
Now the man is holding a rag on his groin, completely soaked in blood, and
the girl is holding a rag to her head.
The story is that the two were celebrating their anniversary at The Continental,
that restaurant off of 75 on Keowee St.
They're both getting hammered off of wine and champagne and after about an
hour or so, the girl goes under the table to give her man a nice blowjob.
And as she has his stuff in her mouth, she lapses into a seizure.
You know what happens during a seizure, right?
Your body locks up.
Every muscle tightens.
Her jaws lock on his cock and she's ripping it around like a rag doll.
He leaps from his table with his girlfriend on the end of his dick and
he's screaming and she's ripping and ripping and he starts to draw blood.
In the midst of all of this panic he's searching for a way to get her off.
So he grabs the fork he was eating with, food still stuck to it, and starts
stabbing her in the head with it.

Leanna puts down her cards and stares at Yoni.
Yoni starts to laugh.
"Id've never seen something like that if I were at home watching television."
"So you traffic in other people's misery as a form of entertainment?"
"No, I'm just saying this job sort of has it's perks. Priceless moments like that.
Other than that, let everyone clean up their own fucking messes.
But as long as an accident can sustain some form of entertainment like that then
I'll gladly sacrifice three days of sleep to lie on a small lounge room
couch in the ER, and I'll be the first one in the cab."
Leanna puts her cards away in her bag, and it's then that she
notices that only half of Yoni's face is shaven.
Poor advice.
#5
Humorous yes. There seemed to be a lot of filler? Parts that seemed unnecessary. It could have been funnier if it were a bit shorter, I guess, without some stuff that is there, seemingly, to give it more length.

If you want more crits, maybe you should crit more of my things...It may just work, ha. ha. ha.
#7
content wise, there's not much to say about this. it's not spectacular, but its good. it reminds me of something, though. i feel like i've seen/heard of similar situations. maybe with a different job, or a different setting, but the same idea. it was presented in a new way, though, with the whole **** biting story. so i guess that makes up for it.

there seem to be quite a few spelling errors. maybe go through and do a really thorough proofread of it.

that's all i got.
loveray
when birds flap their wings do the make believe they're really arms?
#9
Quote by stellar_legs
One reply?

I've peaked!

May as well bump this since I have nothing left to do around here.


You haven't critted a piece in two days. Of course you've got no replies.

Closed.