#1
This is the first song that I have actually completed. I'm graduating this year, and I wrote this song about my friends and the past few years because we're all gonna miss each other a lot next year. So, any comments are welcome, but constructive criticism only, no 'this sux', or, 'ya, this is good, look at my stuff!' Actually comment please!

Verse 1
Lookin' back through these past few years.

All thoughts of my hopes and my fears,

Have been washed away by

memories of

times I've spent with you.


I won't let this moment go.


Chorus
'Cuz no matter what I do I

know you're standing right beside me,

even when I'd have expected you to leave.

And no matter where I go I

know you'll always follow me.

You're the greatest friends that anyone could be.


Verse 2
Tomorrow we'll wake up, the sun will rise.

We'll rub the tiredness out of our eyes.

The same eyes that we

shed tears from when the

world we knew had gone.


I won't let this moment go.


Chorus
'Cuz no matter what I do I

know you're standing right beside me,

even when I'd have expected you to leave.

And no matter where I go I

know you'll always follow me.

You're the greatest friends that anyone could be.


Bridge
All for one, and one for all,

I've been with you guys through it all.

I never want any of this to change.

But change is houndin' down on us.

No time allowed to breathe because

That would be time not spent talking to you.


It's time to seize the day.


Verse 3
24 more hours come to an end.

I've loved my time together with my friends.

But this train has left,

and that ship has sailed.

It's time to cut our losses and move on.


Chorus
'Cuz no matter what I do I

know you're standing right beside me,

even when I'd have expected you to leave.

And no matter where I go I

know you'll always follow me.

You're the greatest friends that anyone could be.


Outro
I won't let this moment go.


Oh, another thing, if anyone could possibly brainstorm a slightly more creative or more catchy title, that would be appreciated, 'cuz at the moment my title isn't exactly that exciting. Thanks!
TheInfringement
#3
Quote by restless_thrash
The day after?


Ya, basically. There's a few parts that are kinda looking into the future, but thats the main idea.
TheInfringement
#4

Verse 1
Lookin' back through these past few years.

All thoughts of my hopes and my fears,

Have been washed away by

memories of

times I've spent with you.


I won't let this moment go.

The second line doesn't flow very well, maybe change it to 'I think about my hopes and fears' or something with a syllable or two more. But then I guess you would have to change the next line as well, something like 'All washed away by'?


Chorus
'Cuz no matter what I do I

know you're standing right beside me,

even when I'd have expected you to leave.

And no matter where I go I

know you'll always follow me.

You're the greatest friends that anyone could be.

Reading this, it sounds a little weird ending the lines with 'I' but I'm guessing that it fits with music. The last line doesn't really make sense so I would change 'be' to 'have', even though it doesn't rhyme, which I think was the purpose of have 'be' in the first place..


Verse 2
Tomorrow we'll wake up, the sun will rise.

We'll rub the tiredness out of our eyes.

The same eyes that we

shed tears from when the

world we knew had gone.


I won't let this moment go.

This is a nice stanza, really smooth flow, especially in the first two lines. Rhyming doesn't sound forced.

Chorus
'Cuz no matter what I do I

know you're standing right beside me,

even when I'd have expected you to leave.

And no matter where I go I

know you'll always follow me.

You're the greatest friends that anyone could be.

Again, change 'be' to 'have'

Bridge
All for one, and one for all,

I've been with you guys through it all.

I never want any of this to change.

But change is houndin' down on us.

No time allowed to breathe because

That would be time not spent talking to you.


It's time to seize the day.

I don't really like the second line, it sounds kind of like what a little kid would say. Also, the flow isn't that consistent in this stanza.

Verse 3
24 more hours come to an end.

I've loved my time together with my friends.

But this train has left,

and that ship has sailed.

It's time to cut our losses and move on.

This is alright, nice internal rhyme in the first line, semi-smooth flow.

Chorus
'Cuz no matter what I do I

know you're standing right beside me,

even when I'd have expected you to leave.

And no matter where I go I

know you'll always follow me.

You're the greatest friends that anyone could be.

Outro
I won't let this moment go.


This is pretty good for you first song, but a few of the phrases are a little overused. Keep writing and you'll definitely be able to write something really good.