#1
He said "let's do a shot
then kiss
then do another shot."
And I was like
sure why not?
And we did.
He had a tongue ring
and it was weird.

and I didn't really need it
you know like, physically,
but, idk, it was fun.

I'm going this weekend to get my clit pierced.
love dead like a crushed fly

for those of you who said you'd be interested in hearing my lyrics put to music- I started work on recording an album, if you get in touch with me pm or otherwise I'd be more than happy to fill you in
#4
wow. It's shocking.

I actually rather liked it. It had a good flow, and I think that for what it says, you've done a good job. You've picked out the right choice of words.

Not much more to say, since it's really short.
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#5
Interesting. I liked it, in a weird sort of way. I wouldn't have used 'idk', but I can see why you would type it that way. Funny...


A clit piercing would be terrible...
#8
hey I'm not really sure how seriously you want this to be taken, but either way:
He said "let's do a shot
then kiss
then do another shot." what a classy proposition
And I was like
sure why not?
And we did. i'd use 'so' rather than 'and' here, just a personal preference, but then you'd lose the whole 'and' repetition you
He had a tongue ring technically there sound be a comma here lol, anyway, cool line
and it was weird.

and I didn't really need it
you know like, physically, I'm not sure the 'like' is necessary
but, idk, it was fun. ...was it fun or was it weird? This gets reeeeally colloquial here lol, but it fits. I do like this piece, though without the title it's totally weird. I wouldn't agree that this is where romance is headed at all, just where some people have decided to take it, or maybe where they've taken it for the time being - in their own lives. I'm certainly an optimist, and this is odd for me to read because it seems so pessimistic, but at the same time embracing, accepting, curious, and interested, even though you sort of set it up as a negative thing.

I'm going this weekend to get my clit pierced. being rather clueless, i'm not even sure if this's part of it, though i think it is, which supports my idea of the acceptance bit. I don't really know how much I want to comment on this, sorry. If you could tell me what inspired it, i'd be interested, and what your thoughts on that experience were, otherwise there isn't a whole lot to say - unless you want me to randomly throw my opinion at you about sexuality and meaningful relationships etc - because you said so little. Anyway, I hope that helped you even a little bit? Thanks for the interesting read

Iain
To see a World in a Grain of Sand
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
And Eternity in an hour
#9
The title is perfect, the characters in the poem are perfect. I believe just as you do that this is definitely where romance is heading, and its a sad thing. Love just isn't what it use to be, nor is sex, passion or any of that stuff that belongs in romance. I just feel you left out one thing, that is your attitude towards where romance is headed. Of course we see that the speakers are ignorant or whatever, they are just doing it, for the sake of doing it, and are completely ignorant to what it is they are really doing, about what love truly is. But I didn't see your side of things. Maybe you are for their actions, maybe you aren't who knows. I just feel that you should include something in this piece that shows your side, unless you wanna keep it a mystery. I mean, I can kinda get your tone in the title, as disgusted. But just add one more thing, to show me that, again its what I think. Maybe just a one liner in italics, to show what it is you advocate. But either way, its a very surprising piece, very true, and I really enjoyed it. Great stuff.
anybody wanna put anything here just let me know
#10
Quote by iain4444
hey I'm not really sure how seriously you want this to be taken, but either way:
He said "let's do a shot
then kiss
then do another shot." what a classy proposition
And I was like
sure why not?
And we did. i'd use 'so' rather than 'and' here, just a personal preference, but then you'd lose the whole 'and' repetition you
He had a tongue ring technically there sound be a comma here lol, anyway, cool line
and it was weird.

and I didn't really need it
you know like, physically, I'm not sure the 'like' is necessary
but, idk, it was fun. ...was it fun or was it weird? This gets reeeeally colloquial here lol, but it fits. I do like this piece, though without the title it's totally weird. I wouldn't agree that this is where romance is headed at all, just where some people have decided to take it, or maybe where they've taken it for the time being - in their own lives. I'm certainly an optimist, and this is odd for me to read because it seems so pessimistic, but at the same time embracing, accepting, curious, and interested, even though you sort of set it up as a negative thing.

I'm going this weekend to get my clit pierced. being rather clueless, i'm not even sure if this's part of it, though i think it is, which supports my idea of the acceptance bit. I don't really know how much I want to comment on this, sorry. If you could tell me what inspired it, i'd be interested, and what your thoughts on that experience were, otherwise there isn't a whole lot to say - unless you want me to randomly throw my opinion at you about sexuality and meaningful relationships etc - because you said so little. Anyway, I hope that helped you even a little bit? Thanks for the interesting read

Iain


it's part of the piece; I don't have a clit.
I'm an optimist, too. A closest optimist.

what happened was I was in lecture and I heard someone say this.
then I wrote it down. it wasn't a very good lecture.
love dead like a crushed fly

for those of you who said you'd be interested in hearing my lyrics put to music- I started work on recording an album, if you get in touch with me pm or otherwise I'd be more than happy to fill you in
#11
Quote by less than that
it's part of the piece; I don't have a clit.
I'm an optimist, too. A closest optimist.

what happened was I was in lecture and I heard someone say this.
then I wrote it down. it wasn't a very good lecture.

lol, succinct to the end Thanks for clearing that stuff up!
To see a World in a Grain of Sand
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
And Eternity in an hour