#1
This isn't really my first post...I lost my pw to my old account on an e-mail address I haven't used in 2 years.

Anyway, these lyrics are written in mind for my band that has a male (Harsh vocals, or screaming if you'd prefer) and female clean singing. Anything in parenthesis ( ) is sung by female.


Untitled[End]
Last edited by twitchyx7 at Jan 29, 2008,
#2
I like this one a lot. I think that you've reallly done something great, and it's so much better that you've written it to be sung by a certain group. I've written lyrics for my band, as well, so check the link in my signature when you have the time.

Anyway.


Untitled

-v1-
Too long I've spent silent
Freezing in this quiet, stoic place
like your frosted heart
As dry and cracked as my throat
from which whispers can't escape

I like this one a lot. It works very well.

(Speak, let me in
Too often I see a distant gaze
Where has your mind been?
Love is a maze, come back to me
Take my hand, we'll finish together)

A bit awkward, I'd have to hear it sung.


-Bridge-
So far gone
What was once mine
Now never another's.

Concise, good bridge.

-Chorus-
You eat away like a viral strain I don't feel this line at all. It's kind of a non-sequitor.(I will never stray)
Choking this life til it starts to spin (Breath easy, we have time)
With you I watch myself spiral down in vain (Stand up, wounds heal)
Forced to end this unholy curse with another sin (I won't give up)

-v2-
Tragic those eyes, your lips
this guise, I now let fall to the floor
A hate hidden beyond detection
I charge you now for your imperfections
The smile you bare a sadistic trick
Hiding twisted thoughts, intrinsically sick.

This one blew me away. I like it a lot. It's choppy, but I'm assuming that is intentional, because it works very well.

(Hush, now
Rest easy tormented soul
I hold so close, so close those
tired eyes and lay down your fear
Forget the evils out there and stay safe inside
My warmth will always be here)

It's good, but there's a few lines, like 'tormented soul, and 'I hold so close, so close' which just don't do it for me for some reason. If I heard it, I could suggest how to change it, but it might sound better when sung than it does in my head.

-Chorus-
You eat away like a viral strain (I will never stray)
Choking this life til it starts to spin (Breath easy, we have time)
With you I watch myself spiral down in vain (Stand up, wounds heal)
Forced to end this unholy curse with another sin (I won't give - )


That's about it. I like it a lot, peace out
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