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#1
Five Levels of Hangovers


One Star Hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 Pepsi's and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.


Two Star Hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.


Three Star Hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke--yet you haven't peed once.


Four Star Hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars. Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts.


Five Star Hangover (*****)
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate spit so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to take a dump results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'Floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'Floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your butt. Death sounds pretty good about right now...

*****

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Indubitably; Innovative; Preliminary; Proliferation; Cinnamon

*****

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Specificity; British Constitution; Passive-aggressive disorder; Loquacious; Transubstantiate

*****

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK :
1.) Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2.) Nope, no more booze for me.
3.) Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4.) Good evening officer isn't it lovely out tonight.
5.) Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.
6.) Sorry I'm being such a jackass.
#2
Why does this need to exist?
Quote by Les_Frederiksen
PlayMadness, you give me hope for mankind.

Quote by Darksucker
PlayMadness - Jesus 2.0

Quote by genghisgandhi
Society's doing great. There's a rise of people like PlayMadness. I feel pretty good about the way things are going.
#4
Haha, very good.
"Even though I've found God, I still love blow jobs, and I still say fuck." - Dave Mustaine

You know, when you, like, you grab a woman's breast and it's... and you feel it and... it feels like a bag of sand when you're touching it.
#6
how about you...

transubstantiate.


wow you really do learn a new thing every day.


and ive only ever been as bad as between a three and four star.

not bad for someone only 13 years old woppop
#7
Quote by PlayMadness
Why does this need to exist?


Because its a little joke and I thought I would share it with a few people.

Sheesh!

FWIW, I do not drink, but I used to... so I've been through all the levels!
#9
I like it!
Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way
#10
Quote by Bill43
Because its a little joke and I thought I would share it with a few people.

Sheesh!

FWIW, I do not drink, but I used to... so I've been through all the levels!

Oh, ok.

Just wondering
Quote by Les_Frederiksen
PlayMadness, you give me hope for mankind.

Quote by Darksucker
PlayMadness - Jesus 2.0

Quote by genghisgandhi
Society's doing great. There's a rise of people like PlayMadness. I feel pretty good about the way things are going.
#11
Quote by burn the stars
how bout no hangover because your smart enough not to drink?


How about getting the f*ck of your high horse?

There is nothing wrong with drinking. I enjoy the taste of cider, both apple and pear, and jagermeister.

SOME of us don't drink to get sh*tfaced.
#12
This is down right genius.

I believe the things that are listed impossible to say are honestly true,
If you disagree you obviously haven't been drunk properly.

Edit:

Now I think about it, theres blatently levels after 5*.

The times where you physically can't move, your body just hurts,
you have some random girl (if your a guy) or (if your a girl) in bed asleep probably feeling worse than what you do. (If your a homosexual, the count the same sex.)

You get up and collapse due to lack of strength left.
Quote by demoniacfashion
Is there any black people on UG?
I don't think a lot of black people play guitar anymore.

Quote by Oasis-fanatic
they all kinda went extinct after hendrix really.


Needless to say, I lol'ed.

Quote by human panda
Appart from being on UG or wanking, thats what i mostly do
Last edited by Kingyem0c0re at Jan 29, 2008,
#13
Some of us do drink to get sh*tfaced.

I've conquered level five more than once. I don't drink anymore, but when I did, I did it with an elite crew of alcoholics and we made it our number 1 priority to say f*** the world. There is nothing wrong with that. If you can't handle it, then don't. Why does everyone preach these days? When I was getting hammered, it wasn't me being a dirty drunk, it was me not being you. Take that to your mom's crotch to cry about.
#14
Quote by soulphonate
Some of us do drink to get sh*tfaced.

I've conquered level five more than once. I don't drink anymore, but when I did, I did it with an elite crew of alcoholics and we made it our number 1 priority to say f*** the world. There is nothing wrong with that. If you can't handle it, then don't. Why does everyone preach these days? When I was getting hammered, it wasn't me being a dirty drunk, it was me not being you. Take that to your mom's crotch to cry about.


I wasn't preaching, I was having a go at the guy who said drinking was stupid as a general sweeping statement

I don't drink to get sh*tfaced, but it happens, lol
#15
Quote by Deliriumbassist
I don't drink to get sh*tfaced, but it happens, lol


Don't we all, haha.
Quote by demoniacfashion
Is there any black people on UG?
I don't think a lot of black people play guitar anymore.

Quote by Oasis-fanatic
they all kinda went extinct after hendrix really.


Needless to say, I lol'ed.

Quote by human panda
Appart from being on UG or wanking, thats what i mostly do
#16
Quote by Deliriumbassist
I wasn't preaching, I was having a go at the guy who said drinking was stupid as a general sweeping statement

I don't drink to get sh*tfaced, but it happens, lol


Our comments were directed in the same place. I only used something you said and changed it a bit to fit accordingly to myself (or my pastself). It wasn't meant for you but the same guy you were having a stab at. I say, keep drinking until you are thirsty no more.
#18
Quote by Kingyem0c0re

Don't we all, haha.


Ah, I remember when I was going out for my 19th... I didin't MEAN to get pissed, but people were buying me drinks all night (generally people I didn't actually know). And then my housemates decided to buy me nothing but (proper) long island ice teas all night. And it's rude to refuse a drink

I must've hit a 12 on the chart AND I had an assessed practical laboratory session the next morning
#19
I don't really get hangovers, as in, feeling sick and headachy.

If I just **** myself on mixtures of spirits all night, then I just can't concentrate, move properly or focus for the next day.
VENUSIAN
FB SC BC TW
Patterns In The Ivy present ethnicity on an intriguing and dedicated level. ~Ambient Exotica
A mesmeric melange of yearning voice, delicate piano and carefully chosen samples. ~Lost Voices
#20
I was riding at least a 4-star on Sunday, following 2 consecutive piss-ups. I couldn't hear properly, every bone, muscle and joint in my body ached and I shat like a pressure washer. It lasted until Monday lunchtime, horrendous feeling.

Never again...
Quote by buckethead_jr
^And known for that bloody awesome croissant with a crown.
Man that's badass.


MINE SIG R PINK
#21
I usually hit a 4 on the scale most times I'm drunk.

This morning was only a 1 though, thank Christ.
Originally posted by TestForEcho
Badreligionrock is the man.

Quote by Pinky19
Badreligionrock you have the greatest avatar of all time. Rejected is the best video. Period.
#22
this is genious

i usually only end up with a two, but i've definately gotten up to a four before
I'd like a chocolate shake.. with a whiskey chaser
#23
4 is my personal best, but I have a ways to go yet.
Life is underrated.


Quote by Mad Marius
That's like saying you got cancer that comes with AIDS.
#25
only got a 2 star hangovebut I had to play a play that night that wasnt much fun
#26
I'm lucky, no matter how much alcohol i put in myself i've never had more than a 3.
#27
On vacation from modding = don't pm me with your pish
#29
hahaha i have never had a hang over! no one in my family gets them...though most have drinking problems....
#30
Had a few 4 stars, and once, I had a 5 star. Never ever again, tequila can lick my balls.

Quote by hazzmatazz
youmakemesmile...

Quote by sebastian_96
Today I stole a girls tampons for being such an annoying bitch.





MUFC


My love for you
Is like a truck
Berserker.
#31
funny
I've probably been at five stars once when I was young, just standing up was horrible as my body was like 1/3 water 1/3 vodka and 1/3 spiralling misery, and as I am not employed yet I've missed out on some character building experiences apparently.
Nowadays I barely reach one star, not that I mind ... I heard hangovers were a sign of ageing
Quote by Pharoah
Can God create a hot dog so hot even he couldn't eat it?

Lyke omg D@ @p0OcpLpSYe.
#32
Quote by steee21
I'm lucky, no matter how much alcohol i put in myself i've never had more than a 3.



+1, I think I've had level 4 only once, and that was after several days of straight drinking.
Including a mate's birthday party, two cruise days and a day in Stockholm.
Didn't sleep at all between day 2 and 3, and when I came home, there was a repairman re-tiling my bathroom, keeping me from going to bed for a few hours.
#34
Ive had my stomach pumped so I know Ive been over level 5.

Im not proud of that fact but I only drank that much because I was going through some messed up times...

Normally a Friday night leads to a level 4 - 5 Saturday morning and a woman who I do not know making me egg and toast... And I just want her to leave.

That happened once.

She told me she loved me.

I wish I wasnt home because I wanted to run home.

(Not to self, next time.. Go to the womans house and make sure she doesnt know where you live!)
Sat in a lab, curing diseases. They actually LET me play with chemicals!
#35
"5.) Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing"

So true.


I'll have a bourbon.
#36
Quote by burn the stars
how bout no hangover because your smart enough not to drink?


or how about no hangover because your smart enough to bring a flask of whiskey around with you all the next day incase your starting to feel it.

Can't start a hangover if you never stop being drunk
#37
Quote by skaguitarist53
or how about no hangover because your smart enough to bring a flask of whiskey around with you all the next day incase your starting to feel it.

Can't start a hangover if you never stop being drunk

Truer words have never been spoken!
Gear:
2011 Fender American Standard Stratocaster
2012 Tanglewood TW170

Boss Katana 100w 1x112
Line 6 HD500
#38
Quote by Gyroscope
Drink water.


Best advice.

Even better advice, according to Alexi Laiho is to drink some good Irish Whiskey.
#39
I once had a hangover that lasted three days. T'was in the summervacation and I was at a mates house with some friends. I got to ****ing drunk and they layed me in the garden and i layed there for a total of three days, every time i opened my eyes the clouds would fall down on me and i'd puke my guts out.

anyway that was pretty bad and it felt as if i was gonna die. i still drink quite alot though
#40
Quote by skaguitarist53
Can't start a hangover if you never stop being drunk

You can actually find a happy medium between getting drunk again & having a hangover by starting to drink first thing from waking up, then reducing the amount you drink over the day...

Then start heavy again on the night.

Repeat process.
Quote by demoniacfashion
Is there any black people on UG?
I don't think a lot of black people play guitar anymore.

Quote by Oasis-fanatic
they all kinda went extinct after hendrix really.


Needless to say, I lol'ed.

Quote by human panda
Appart from being on UG or wanking, thats what i mostly do
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