#1
I am not a turn-of-phrase.
I'll turn your phrase
and you won't know what hitcha.

Point-counterpoint philosophy.
I am the words you'll never say.

That stupid bush you beat around.
The spiny leaves that spear your skin
and capture you in the grasp therein
so you're pinned like poor old Floyd Collins
circa nineteen-twenty-something.

Or maybe I'm a laser beam.

Beeeeeeam.
Blip.
Z a w a n g - a w a n g - a w a n g .

"Freeze."

You're a deer.
I'm the headlights.
I'm a dear.
You just ain't right.
There's only one girl in the world for you
and she probably lives in Tahiti.
#3
hey
I am not a turn-of-phrase. i'd use "i'm" instead of 'i am' here, for flow's sake, and because it will match the "i'll" in the next line. It's a cool first line for sure
I'll turn your phrase technically you need a comma here, but i think it's better without one
and you won't know what hitcha.

Point-counterpoint philosophy.
I am the words you'll never say. love this line!

That stupid bush you beat around.
The spiny leaves that spear your skin
and capture you in the grasp therein awesome flow
so you're pinned like poor old Floyd Collins i don't like the 'poor old' bit - maybe take one of them out? or try some other adjective(s)?
circa nineteen-twenty-something.

Or maybe I'm a laser beam. lol, nice

Beeeeeeam.
Blip.
Z a w a n g - a w a n g - a w a n g .

"Freeze."

You're a deer.
I'm the headlights.
I'm a dear.
You just ain't right.
This is a pretty cool piece, seems fresh I'd love to see more of what you've written

Iain.
To see a World in a Grain of Sand
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
And Eternity in an hour
#4
Not much crit I can do... I liked it. Fresh and unusual. Kind of like beat poetry more than a song, but still real nice. I like the title... kind of a pun, no?
#5
Thanks, you guys. I'm trying to do a little "experimentation," I guess, so all my pieces don't sound exactly alike.
There's only one girl in the world for you
and she probably lives in Tahiti.