#1
I'm going to the hardware store to buy some wood
To build my own trebuchet
Not for any specific reason really
other than to put a twist in your sanity

Then, when it stands tall and proud over my neighbours
I'm going to climb aboard and launch myself
into the sky above your home
and decree to you while I fly by:

"Do you know
that from up here
you look like the strange one?
You seem in a hurry
to cut a lawn
that will just grow back anyway!
I like your shingles
that green is a nice color
hope they last through winter.
Well I must be off
the ground has an appointment
with my face in a second or two."

I'm going to smile for the few short seconds after.
Before I crash and am gone forever.
Because even if I've reached high plain
I'll never forget that look on your face.

It will be a high price to pay no doubt
not just for the wood, but also my life
But it would all be worth it
just for one more sight
of that lost look on your face.
Quote by richwatkinson
haha You pwned an entire website....i bow down...

TheDudeBox
Last edited by Brandon860 at Jan 30, 2008,
#3
Quote by Brandon860
I'm going to the hardware store to buy some wood
So that I can build my own trebuchet
Not for any specific reason really
other than to put a twist in your sanity

"So that I can.." is just wrong, grammatically. Leave out the "that". The last two lines , specifically the last one, don't work very well for me. It just sounds weird, and the phrase "twist in your sanity" doesn't appeal to me at all.


Then, when it stands tall and proud over my neighbors
I'm going to climb aboard and launch myself
into the sky above your home
and profess to you while I fly by:

First, it's neighbours! You're Canadian dammit, act like one!
I don't really have any problems with this part, except I might change profess to something else.


"Do you know
that from up here
you look like the strange one?
You seem in a hurry
to cut a lawn
that will just grow back anyway!
I like your shingles
that green is a nice color
hope they last through winter.
Well I must be off
the ground has an appointment
with my face in a second or two."

I don't really get the idea you're trying to put across with this part, but the punchline is pretty funny. Other than that though, it just seems to be saying nothing.


I'm going to smile for the few short seconds after.
Before I crash and am gone forever.
Because even if I've reached high plain
I'll never forget that look on your face.

It will be a high price to pay no doubt
not just for the wood, but also my life
But it would all be worth it
just for one more sight
of that lost look on your face.

I'll just do both stanzas at once. Both of them are similar to me, as they don't really say much, or at least, leave me feeling like there should be more substance behind them. It just seems too straightforward and plain, and I'm not saying those things are necessarily bad, but if there's no point to them then it just falls flat with me.


Overall I just didn't feel it. You've written much better things in the past. Unless I'm missing some massive statement here that I can't see, I didn't really find this all that interesting.