#1
So recently my band has been getting some gigs, we played a couple recently and have one in june so to keep us busy until then we have been asked to audition for a gig at a local pub and i was wondering if you guys had any tips to make us stand out from other local bands and what we could do to improve our performance and to increase our chances of getting the gig?

Thanks for your help guys
#3
What style of music do you play This would help give advice on the good and bad ways of standing out
#4
Classic rock style, we play around an hours worth of mostly covers ranging from late 60s stuff like the beatles and stones to more modern stuff with a classic feel.

we will probably have about an hour for the audition because were the only band auditioning at that time not 100 percent sure but we need a way to make us stand out a bit more... were also quite young so we need people to take us seriously, weve done gigs before and before we go on stage the audience think were a bit young and probably not very professional but when we get on stage they are very impressed with the quality of music.

We would also like to use this opertunity to get more gigs so this is pretty important for us to try and look as good as possible so any advice would be useful, we have a pa and pretty decent equipment ( i use an american made fender and we all try and get as good gear as we can get ) we also have stage lights because our roadie does discos and parties so that also helps.
#6
As far as i know it is quite a range of ages, but mostly 20 year old and over and some with a few children and were inviting a bunch of our friends so around 16 and over, so its a pretty varried audience but we have played to a similar age category before and went down amazingly well... hope that helps


thanks for the speedy reply.


forgot to ad the venue, im not entirly sure as ive not been there befor but i do know that bands play there quite a bit i do know that it is a pub/club venue should fit around 200 people possibly more not 100 sure...
Last edited by The_0thersid3 at Jan 30, 2008,
#8
The audition is in front of a few people (maybe 10 not including the guy who drives our van and our sound and lights guy)

but we also would need help to get the attention of our audience at the actual gig so any advice on that would help too...
#9
Right.

First off, the most important thing is to be professional. It's not just an audition for your on stage performance.
Be punctual, set your gear up as quickly and with as little fuss as possible.
DO NOT be smart arses. (I know, that's obvious but it still needs saying)

The lights will be a nice touch as long as they can also be set up with a minimum fuss.
You should be looking to have all your gear set up, including the lights, and be sounchecked in about half an hour.
Practice setting your gear up, play a song, then stripping it down again and repeating the exercise a couple of times

Start your set with something that's simple, punchy and has a good upbeat rythm. Keep the groove like that for another song or two, then do something a little slower.
Try to alternate your songs in this way until the end of the set but leave on a big upbeat.
On the very last note of the last song, get a roadie to turn your stage lights off at that instant. The timing for this has to be just right so it may be worth practicing it. But it looks good when done correctly.
Another good trick to do is going from one song straight into another.
You know when you're ending a song on a crescendo and there's that little pause just before everyone plays the final note together? Well instead of playing that final note, make it the first note of the next song. This looks really professional, but don't do it more than twice in one set. Again, practice this to make it tight.
Above all, enjoy yourselves on stage and don't be too nervous about it. Remember, they have asked you to audition and that, coupled with your young age means they must see something in you that they already like.
When you're finished, strip your gear down and take it away with the same professionalism that you set it up with, quickly and with minimum fuss.

Hope this helps.
Last edited by SlackerBabbath at Jan 30, 2008,
#10
Well, obviously as it's an audition on your ability you want to make sure you all prepare for it beforehand so you feel comfortable before you're even on stage (so everyone warm up their respective body parts needed to play...as annoying as it is, yes the drummer should make his own air drum kit if needs be to get his hands/legs coordination up and running too!)

As it's not to an audience, you don't want to go on with the stereotypical 70's/80's rockstar and act like gods by holding an air of arrogance about yourselves...take to the stage calmly and make sure it's known you do put on a good live show (so don't just stand still, get everyone of your band members to move about freely and get into the spirit...just not too OTT).

Finally, I'd suggest making sure you get all the larger parts of your gear (guitar stands, amps, drumkit hardware etc.) so that you can get your stuff on the stage as quickly as possible. It gives a good impression that you all know what you're doing and can set your equipment up quickly and efficiently.
#12
Quote by last_biscuit
Well, obviously as it's an audition on your ability you want to make sure you all prepare for it beforehand so you feel comfortable before you're even on stage (so everyone warm up their respective body parts needed to play...as annoying as it is, yes the drummer should make his own air drum kit if needs be to get his hands/legs coordination up and running too!)

As it's not to an audience, you don't want to go on with the stereotypical 70's/80's rockstar and act like gods by holding an air of arrogance about yourselves...take to the stage calmly and make sure it's known you do put on a good live show (so don't just stand still, get everyone of your band members to move about freely and get into the spirit...just not too OTT).

Finally, I'd suggest making sure you get all the larger parts of your gear (guitar stands, amps, drumkit hardware etc.) so that you can get your stuff on the stage as quickly as possible. It gives a good impression that you all know what you're doing and can set your equipment up quickly and efficiently.


Agreed, I think the correct phrase to use would be 'reserved but not boring.'
Also, if it's a small stage, have a couple of guys setting the kit up on the floor in front of the stage area, while everyone else is setting the rest of the stage up. Then just lift the kit up (obviously you've left enough room on stage for the kit) and put it into position. This stops having people falling over each other, saves time and is again, professional.
#13
Not a problem,

With regards to movement on stage, there's a golden rule all the top performes take into account: When you do something on stage, you have to exaggerate it because what may feel like an almighty leap from one side of the stage to the other in your eyes, will look more like a half-arsed bounce to someone in the audience.

It's partly to do with adrenaline and nerves messing with your perception and mind, but it's easy enough to overcome. At rehearsals, start acting like you're on stage (if it helps, all stand with your back to the drummer, facing forward) and record your rehearsals on video camera/a friend's video phone/whatever.

Watch it back as a group after, and try and pick out the things that looked good and the things that didn't. Work on this each time you rehearse and you should stop yourself from looking 'half-arsed' no matter how lazy you all are!

One thing to try is for the singer to look at one person at any one time in the crowd...try to reach that one person just for that one moment and they'll feel important and start liking you more. It helps that when you're in the crowd, you can't tell exactly where people on stage are looking, just the rough direction so more people think they're being singled out

If your guitarist(s)/presumably you have long hair, if there are any technical parts of songs that you need to watch your hands usually to prevent messing up, try leaning forward towards the guitar and as your hair covers your face glance to the fret board (I often do this to check I'm playing at the right position...sometimes onstage, perceived pitch can be tricked by other instruments). And then when you hold notes/bends or anything simple, you can lean back to one side with your legs open wide and start looking at the crowd etc.

Try to look like you're enjoying the song too...it sounds simple, and it is. Even so little as mouthing the words to choruses/catchy hooks in songs if you don't actually sing them as a vocalist, because noone in the crowd can hear if your voice is horrible or not.


And for talking in between songs, play the first song without speaking beforehand, and go straight into the second one as suggested by the other guy earlier. Then introduce yourselves (Hello, we are ____, I'm sure you've already made up your mind what we're all about...This next song is called _____ *drummer counts in song*). After next song 'Thank you, _________________ *random info...you've got a new recording to come out, more info on the myspace at www.myspace.com/______, we've been working on some new stuff lately...here is ______*

And before the final song, 'This next one is gonna be our last song tonight *pause for crowd reaction* We'd like to thank all of you for coming and giving us your support, hope you've enjoyed yourselves, 'cos we definitely have! This is... __________'

Just stuff like that. At the actual audition it's best just to introduce yourselves before you go on stage, play like you mean it but without the whole crowd interaction speeches.
#14
Quote by The_0thersid3
Thanks for the help guys, the info on seting up gear has been particuarly useful.

any adivce on moving on stage/stage pressence?

and any advice on what to say between songs both on stage and at audition?

You're very welcome.
Check this thread for stage presence.
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=12594536#post12594536

Just be polite at the audition, if anyone cheers, say 'thankyou' and act a little more like your playing a gig (they'll be cheering because they want to see your reaction) but still stay reserved.

At the gig, it's always good to have a couple of one liner heckler putdown lines ready, such as 'Where've you just landed from? The Roof?? Ahh that explains a lot then.' or 'Was your mother a weightlifter? No? How did she raise a dumbell like you?' But ONLY use these types of lines when there's a loud drunkard in the audience that's pissing everyone off.
The audience gets right behind the band in this situation and if you can handle a heckler, they'll love it, but don't push it too far, just say your line and get on with the set.
Generaly, say thankyou when you get an applause and introduce songs that may not be obvious. But again, don't go overboard. The crowd have come to see a band, not someone giving a lecture.
If you want a little variation, try telling the crowd what the song was called after you've played it ('Thankyou, that song was called...') It's important for the whole band to go into the number as soon as it's been introduced, instead of everyone standing around looking at each other and saying 'Are you ready?' to each other.
A good solid count-in works very well or, if one person starts the song on their instrument, have them go into their piece as soon as the song is introduced.
Again, rehearse doing this just to make the beginnings tight.
If someone breaks a string or something, then play with the crowd until they've changed their guitar or done what needs to be done. Say, 'OK, let's split the crowd down the middle.' then get one side to shout something (it could be anything, but because of your age, don't make it rude, a 'woohooo' generaly works) then play the other side off against them, seeing if they can do it louder. End by getting the entire crowd to shout together. Hopefully the problem will be solved by now and you can get on with your set.
This also works nicely in the middle of a set anyway, but again, don't go overboard with it, do each side twice then the whole crowd, then on with the show and straight into the next song.

Quote by last_biscuit



And for talking in between songs, play the first song without speaking beforehand, and go straight into the second one as suggested by the other guy earlier. Then introduce yourselves

Yeah, my own band actualy do this, we play 'Black Sabbath' first then go straight (via our guitarist playing the intro) into 'Fairies Wear Boots' then say hello.
Last edited by SlackerBabbath at Jan 30, 2008,
#15
Ah, that's a good point raised there too^

Hecklers can make it awkward for people in the crowd to enjoy your music and not be put off (sadly, many people are like that and do make judgements based on how they think other people react to you).

I've only ever had one instance of a heckler before, some drunk woman totally in a different scene to her norm (I assume) started dancing oddly right in front of the stage shouting "c'mon, isn't this what you rockers do?!'.

It was unnerving, but the bassist quickly said 'Looks like we've made our new No. 1 fan, we'll give you a t-shirt and cd after the gig, love' and the crowd laughed and quickly got back into it. Funnily enough, that woman and her friend glared at us, then left shortly afterwards

At the end of the day, some people are just dicks and you have to deal with it maturely but coolly, so you don't look put-down in any way.
#16
Quote by SlackerBabbath
Quote by last_biscuit
And for talking in between songs, play the first song without speaking beforehand, and go straight into the second one as suggested by the other guy earlier. Then introduce yourselves


Yeah, my own band actualy do this, we play 'Black Sabbath' first then go straight (via our guitarist playing the intro) into 'Fairies Wear Boots' then say hello.


Haha, same here although technically if the intro to the set is classed as a song we do 3, but the end of the intro leads right into the opener on our latest recording.

By intro, I mean the PA guy/soundman puts on our 1-track intro CD with the lights down everywhere except for some faint colours beaming on to the stage and we turn on the smoke machine for a bit.

Then when the smoke builds a bit the drummer goes on behind it and gets up to his kit, meanwhile I wait for the end of this weird voice talking to play a whammy bar squeal matching some odd sample on the disk and the rest start walking on.

As soon as the cd track finishes we go straight in to the ex-'live only' intro of our first song and then straight into the second song afterwards

Can you guess we're a metal band?
#17
wow usually when some one starts a thread like this the awnsesr is watch a videeo of_____id say queen but w/e this was acctually usefull
Last Biscuit and Slacker Babbath pwn

its to otherside to but i cant spell his name like that
Quote by Eliyahu
Mr.Cuddles killed The Metal!!!! FUCK YES!

Quote by TheReverend724
Mr Cuddles pretty much nailed it...

Quote by thanksgiving

"Oh Mr.Cuddles, you make my pants go boom boom. I are horny. Do not disappoint I"


Viscara (my band)
#18
Quote by Mr.Cuddles
wow usually when some one starts a thread like this the awnsesr is watch a videeo of_____id say queen but w/e this was acctually usefull
Last Biscuit and Slacker Babbath pwn

its to otherside to but i cant spell his name like that


Why thankyou, I guess we do sorta pwn...perhaps a little bit...of a lot
#19
Quote by Mr.Cuddles
wow usually when some one starts a thread like this the awnsesr is watch a videeo of_____id say queen but w/e this was acctually usefull
Last Biscuit and Slacker Babbath pwn

its to otherside to but i cant spell his name like that



Just call me Ben...


Thanks for the help guys, lots of useful information, just when i was starting to loose faith in UG...
#20
Quote by last_biscuit
Ah, that's a good point raised there too^

Hecklers can make it awkward for people in the crowd to enjoy your music and not be put off (sadly, many people are like that and do make judgements based on how they think other people react to you).

I've only ever had one instance of a heckler before, some drunk woman totally in a different scene to her norm (I assume) started dancing oddly right in front of the stage shouting "c'mon, isn't this what you rockers do?!'.

It was unnerving, but the bassist quickly said 'Looks like we've made our new No. 1 fan, we'll give you a t-shirt and cd after the gig, love' and the crowd laughed and quickly got back into it. Funnily enough, that woman and her friend glared at us, then left shortly afterwards

At the end of the day, some people are just dicks and you have to deal with it maturely but coolly, so you don't look put-down in any way.

I love hecklers.
Seriously, I do, because I've seen so many shows, including my own bands shows, that were kinda going OK but the crowd weren't too enthusiastic, until a heckler shouted something.
If you can put a heckler down immediately and give the crowd a good laugh at the same time, it can suddenly turn a mediocre gig into something more.
We get them quite often, some drunken idiot shouting their head off, that kinda thing.
I actualy have a sheet of paper next to my set list with about 20 or 30 decent putdown lines written on it so I always have enough material and never look lost for words.

True story, a couple of months ago, I went to see a young band in my local and this pissed up, loudmouthed woman was heckling them all the way through their gig. After the gig had finished and they were packing their gear up, she was still having a go at them. The kids looked gutted because this screaching harriden had just completely ruined their gig, so I shouted, loud enough for everyone in the venue to hear me, 'Before they strip the mics down, why don't you get up and give us a song (my intention was to heckle her as soon as she walked on stage to see how she liked it) but she turned around and actualy said 'Eh? I can't sing!' So I shouted back 'Well for God's sake, shut the f*ck up then!'
The rest of the crowd, who were also obviously feeling sorry for the band cheered and clapped, and the heckler turned bright red with embarrasment and stormed out.

Quote by last_biscuit
Why thankyou, I guess we do sorta pwn...perhaps a little bit...of a lot

Yeah, I'd say we DEFINATELY pwn.

EDIT. Erm, does that mean the same as 'own' or is it a reference to skint musicians pawning their instruments when we need money to buy alcohol with?

Quote by The_0thersid3
Just call me Ben...


Thanks for the help guys, lots of useful information, just when i was starting to loose faith in UG...

Anytime Ben.
Remember, some folks on UG are genuinly here to help and if you have any more problems, just get in touch.
Last edited by SlackerBabbath at Jan 31, 2008,
#21
Haha, sticking up for someone else's band is pretty cool dude, I haven't had a chance to be honest...I mean, I've never told a band they suck, often I'm supportive, but I did once say to my mates some pretty harsh things about a band who were doing their first gig...

Then the band helped us get some gear on (they'd applauded and cheered our soundcheck for christ's sake lol) and now everytime we go back to that city they're at the gig with a large group of friends, with t-shirts we gave them the second time they came

It means we get the crowd going because we already know a few of them. Actually we're back there on Feb. 10th, can't wait because it should be a great gig this time


Oh and I'm pretty sure it means the same as own :P I pawn nothing for alcohol...the doctors prescribed me Jack Daniel's for life support
#22
Quote by SlackerBabbath

I actualy have a sheet of paper next to my set list with about 20 or 30 decent putdown lines written on it so I always have enough material and never look lost for words.


Could we hear them? Please????
#23
Quote by Zander155
Could we hear them? Please????

Well.....seeing as how you asked so nicely.... go on then, just this once. But I shouldn't really because it took me ages to compile this lot.

OK folks, gather around for heckler putdowns 101.

1. I refuse to get into a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent! (always start with this as it also gives fair warning)
2. Aw. I remember my first beer too.
3. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
4. There's an alcoholic who doesn't want to remain anonymous.
5. You shouldn't drink on an empty head
6. Now I know why some animals eat their young.
7. What holds your ears apart?
8. Do I come to your work & tell you how to sweep up?
9. Go and lean against the wall in the other room,... that's plastered too!
10. Was your mother a weightlifter? No? How did she manage to raise a dumbell like you then?
11. If I could find enough wood, I'd board your mouth up!
12. I can't believe it. A hundred million sperm...and you were the quickest?
13. Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?
14. If brains were bricks, you'd be homeless.
15. Are you from the shallow end of the gene pool or something?
16. Why don't you take a piggy back ride on a buzz saw?
17. With a face that ugly, you could put your nose in your ear and blow your brains out.
18. If I wanted to hear from an arsehole I would have farted.
19. I'm sorry, I don't know how to deal with you, I'm a musician not a proctologist.
20. On a scale of one to ten.... you're an dickhead.
21. You're ugly, your dick is short, no one likes you, shut the f**k up.
22. I've seen better faces on a clock, and even then a cuckoo came out of it.
23. You couldn't get laid in a brothel with a fistful of twenties.
24. Save your breath, you'll need it to blow up your date later.
25. Look man, I grew up in... (name an area with a bad rep near to where you're playing) I've already been through your wallet, I know where you live, now shut the f**k up.
26. Good to see you again, I see you've gone back to wearing men's clothing.
27. To a man who has just implied that you're gay: You want to know if I'm gay? Why don't you and your girlfriend bend over and see which one I f**k?
28. I could have been your father.... but my brother beat me to it because he had change for a dollar.
29. You'll never be half the man your mother was.
30. I got into this business because I thought it would be a bit of a fanny-magnet, but I didn't think I'd come across as big a c*nt as you.... Then say....I apologize for calling you that. I'm sure you're not a c*nt. You probably don't have the depth or capacity to give pleasure.
31. Hey, I like doing my act the way you like having sex- alone.
32. You're the load your momma should have swallowed.
33. How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?
34. I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.
35. I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
36. He's so empty headed, if you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
37. I honestly don't think you are a fool.... but then what's my opinion worth against thousands of others?
38. Do you know what you have in common with a sperm cell? You both have a 100 million to one chance of becoming a human being.
39. If you want to be on stage we'll switch places - you
come up here and entertain the audience, I'll go down there and act
like an asshole.

There is a 40th but it's so nasty, I don't think I should put it with these.

WARNING!
Now listen folks.
This is my complete list and some of the above are a little strong and can result in you getting banned from the venue for life or even beaten up. Use these lines wisely, read your audience first. Some audiences, you can get away with a bit more, like in a strip club or something. Others, well you'll definately be on thin ice with a lot of these.
Notice that the list is written in some kind of a rough order with the least offensive ones at the beginning.
DO NOT, get into a slanging match with someone and use all the lines up in one go as this gets boring pretty quickly. Just do a couple of them then launch into the next song, if the heckler carries on after that, give him a couple more and play the next song. If this carries on after each song, the audience will actualy start looking forward to the gaps between your songs, making everything about your set entertaining, not just your music.
Finaly, ONLY use these lines if someone heckles you, don't just decide to pick on a member of the audience thinking it'll be funny because from the audience's point of view, it won't be.

Sometimes, things just happen and legendary moments come about.
One of the funniest ones I ever saw was when I was playing in a band called the Three Amigos. This guy had started heckling us, so we ALL heckled him back three times as bad as he heckled us. Eventualy he couldn't take any more, so he stood on his chair, just in front of the stage, with his pants round his ankles, waving a big bare backside to us. It was all getting a bit out of hand so we decided to carry on with the set.
Later on, our drummer noticed him going to the toilet. (He'd been watching him like a hawk all night just praying that the guy would go to the toilet and give him the opportunity of doing what he did next) He jumped out from behind his kit, actualy stopping us midsong, grabbed a spotlight, lit him up in the toilet doorway and said over a microphone "Hey YOU! While you're there mate, wipe your arse!"

Another good 'un.
I organise a gig called Quazfest every August with about five or six bands and visual acts like jugglers ect, between the bands.
Last year we had this guy who was doing a balloon act, y'know, making animals and stuff out of them, but instead of the usual 'sausage dog, giraffe' kinda stuff, it was more like 'rabbit on a Harley Davidson'.....and you could tell it was a Harley Davidson!!
Anyway, he walked on stage, blew up his first balloon and was immediately heckled by some prick. He walked straight up to the heckler, made a few twists on the balloon to make a kind of a hat and then placed it on the guy's head. It made him look like he had a huge dick and two bollocks growing out of his forehead. The entire room was laughing at the heckler, who tried to laugh along with it but you could see he was embarassed. He was cirtainly very quiet after that. One of the most effective putdowns I've ever seen, and not a single word was said.
Last edited by SlackerBabbath at Feb 4, 2008,
#24
Oh my god, some of those are absolutely brilliant!

Mind if I steal some? I'm sure our paths won't cross for anyone to notice haha.

There's a few I wouldn't use, but
24. Save your breath, you'll need it to blow up your date later.
4. There's an alcoholic who doesn't want to remain anonymous.
2. Aw. I remember my first beer too.
8. Do I come to your work & tell you how to sweep up?

are all works of art.

I'd probably combine 2 or 4 with 8
#25
Quote by last_biscuit
Oh my god, some of those are absolutely brilliant!

Mind if I steal some? I'm sure our paths won't cross for anyone to notice haha.

Not at all bud, that's why I placed them here.
Quote by last_biscuit

There's a few I wouldn't use,

Yeah, that's why I put the warning on it. I haven't used all of them myself, but they're still on the list, just in case a perfect moment to say them comes up.
It's more a case of being prepaired for any eventuality.

The one that I would NEVER use was;
40. Is that your girlfriend? Is she good in bed? (the guy has to say 'yes' because she's sitting right there beside him.) then say, How do you think she got to be so good?

That one was too insulting even for me as it involves picking on an innocent member of the audience and implies that she's a slut.

Quote by last_biscuit

24. Save your breath, you'll need it to blow up your date later.
4. There's an alcoholic who doesn't want to remain anonymous.
2. Aw. I remember my first beer too.
8. Do I come to your work & tell you how to sweep up?

are all works of art.

I'd probably combine 2 or 4 with 8

That's what I generaly do and I generaly steer clear of personal remarks about family members and private parts. But in the right place, in front of the right audience, these can occasionaly serve a purpose too. It's just not always too easy to judge when to use them.
In a venue with a bar f'rinstance, you're usualy safest sticking to the alcohol related ones.
Last edited by SlackerBabbath at Feb 3, 2008,
#26
Quote by SlackerBabbath
I love hecklers.

Anytime Ben.
Remember, some folks on UG are genuinly here to help and if you have any more problems, just get in touch.


If Ug had a points system this guy would get a good couple hundred right about now.... thanks to every one who has posted so far and I'll be keeping my favourite put-down lines to one side for future reference, lets hope i wont have to use them too often....
#27
Smoke a lot at the audition.

You will seem cooler and older.


Everyone loves people like that.
#28
Quote by The_0thersid3
If Ug had a points system this guy would get a good couple hundred right about now.... thanks to every one who has posted so far and I'll be keeping my favourite put-down lines to one side for future reference, lets hope i wont have to use them too often....

Cheers bud.

Like I said earlier with the list of putdowns, it's more a case of being prepaired for any eventuality. The eventuality being that someone in the audience makes a smartarse remark that the rest of the audience find funny, If you can't come back with a line, then you've just lost some of that audiences respect and before you know it, people are shouting out smartarse remarks left, right and centre. Put 'em down swiftly and cleanly and the audience will be back on your side.
#29
wow, some of those were genius. i'll definatly remember those...for if i ever get in a band
The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far.
#30
^ dont worry mate it will happen.


BAD NEWS:!

Our roadie who has all of our sound and light gear is in hospital ( get well soon mate ) so we have no PA, all we have spare is a pretty loud bass amp and a line six spyder ( I know, i know but i dont use this as a guitar amp any more ) so were stuck using this gear for vocal duties....what should we do? tell the venue we cant do it and risk not getting invited back or telling them the situation and hope it wont look unprofessional?
#31
Quote by The_0thersid3
^ dont worry mate it will happen.


BAD NEWS:!

Our roadie who has all of our sound and light gear is in hospital ( get well soon mate ) so we have no PA, all we have spare is a pretty loud bass amp and a line six spyder ( I know, i know but i dont use this as a guitar amp any more ) so were stuck using this gear for vocal duties....what should we do? tell the venue we cant do it and risk not getting invited back or telling them the situation and hope it wont look unprofessional?

Hmmm, difficult.
Is it your PA gear or his?
Y'see, generaly, the band have their own PA system that they could, at a push, operate themselves.
My own band have a 5k rig that we can operate by putting the mixing desk on stage, (athough it's always better to have someone mixing for you in front of the stage) and a lighting rig that can be put on 'automatic.'
Of course, it helps if you also have some knowledge of how to operate a mixing desk.
Ring the venue, let them know you're having problems, (it's always better to let them know your having problems before suddenly dropping a cancelation on them, it's just more polite, and therefore more professional) and ask them if they happen to have an in house PA that you could possibly borrow or know of anyone who could help you out, or you could ask any other bands that you know of if they can help out.
That's the good thing about this business, there's usualy someone, somewhere who will be prepaired to help when your stuck. You just have to find them.
Failing that, if the gig that you may get as a result of the audition is a decent earner, it may even be worth your while hiring a PA and mixing guy, but this will probably cost quite a bit of cash, although, you could try explaning your predicament to someone who hires out PA systems. If he feels sorry for you, theres always a chance that he'd be prepaired to give you a dropped rate because it's only an audition, not a gig, so to him, it'd be an easier job because he wouldn't be having to hang around a venue all night guarding his gear from the crowd. And it'd be a quick job too, get the gear in, set it up, do the audition, strip it down, take it out again.