#1
This is a song I wrote for my band Stasis. We're Alternation/ Hard Rock. It's play in a minor. let me know what you think. thanks in advance. C4C

Hollow is the one,
Destructive as the sun
Silent, sinister and deadly
Like a quiet melody

In the dark and in the light
I can hear it burning bright
And I can see it through the night
Under its promise death lays
I feel it’s cryptic cries
Pushing me to reconcile
Leading to my final trial

Thoughts that I can’t shake
Decisions I have to make.
Regret what I’ve done,
Or burn like the sun

In the dark and in the light
I can hear it burning bright
And I can see it through the night
Under its promise death lays
I feel its cryptic cries
Pushing me to reconcile
Leading to my final trial

A I Prepare for then
Before I make amends
I am finally ready..
To listen to the Melody

Bridge/outro (melody)
Last edited by End of Nights at Jan 30, 2008,
#2
Hollow is the one,
Destructive as the sun
Silent, sinister and deadly
Like a quiet melody
I like this a lot, the rhyme scheme flows very well.


In the dark and in the light
I can hear it burning bright
And I can see it through the night
Under its promise death lays
I feel it’s cryptic cries
Pushing me to reconcile
Leading to my final trial
Same thing here, and great use of vocab.the only thing i dont like is that fourth line doesnt fit well at all, maybe you could relocate or rewrite it.


Thoughts that I can not shake
Decisions that I have to make.
Regret the things I seem to've done,
Or burn like the sun
Just a few suggestions for rhyme scheme, and to lengthen the lines a bit.


A I Prepare for then
Before I make amends
I am finally ready..
To listen to the Melody
i think you forgot to finish this, or mistyped becuase it doesnt make sense =p

Nice piece overall, i'de like to hear it recorded.
#4
Quote by Smoothrider_41
Hollow is the one,
Destructive as the sun
Silent, sinister and deadly
Like a quiet melody
I like this a lot, the rhyme scheme flows very well.


In the dark and in the light
I can hear it burning bright
And I can see it through the night
Under its promise death lays
I feel it’s cryptic cries
Pushing me to reconcile
Leading to my final trial
Same thing here, and great use of vocab.the only thing i dont like is that fourth line doesnt fit well at all, maybe you could relocate or rewrite it.


Thoughts that I can not shake
Decisions that I have to make.
Regret the things I seem to've done,
Or burn like the sun
Just a few suggestions for rhyme scheme, and to lengthen the lines a bit.

A I Prepare for then
Before I make amends
I am finally ready..
To listen to the Melody
i think you forgot to finish this, or mistyped becuase it doesnt make sense =p

Nice piece overall, i'de like to hear it recorded.



thanks the "Under its promise death lays" goes into a different rythem then fall back into it. and there a solo at the end that is a realy eary melodic sound the finishes it off. By the Way the "Melody" is death
#6
Quote by con job
That's actually really good, just be careful if you're putting it into a song, because the seven line stanzas are gonna need a less than conventional rhythm to make them fit.

Crit mine? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=774254


I already wrote the music for it. I'm just having recording issues
Songs

[HTML]http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=774802[/HTML]