#1
Oh, Odessa. Your thighs are milk.
I've been moving my fingers on wood to
s o u n d s
recorded in the wall grooves.
I smashed the jar of applesauce
against the counter.
The lid wouldn't open
it was the glass's fault.
I'm blind but I've always been more of a
s o u n d s
and
touch
boy.
#2
This was great. I might crit this later, I might not. Maybe I'll just tell you on chat.
#4
´Trist´ means sad, or down in Norwegian. It adds a little touch to the piece, to me at least. ^^
#5
argh... this is hard to crit.


I mean, there are interesting lines scattered through out the whole thing but I don't really see what you're getting at.

I get two or three possible meanings out of this, but they seem much to far fetched to be serious. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's bad. The writing is bloody good. I'm just saying that I don't know what I'm saying or what you're saying, if you're saying anything.


Did that help?
#6
I would return the crit but there isn't anything here to crit really. I mean, I'm like Kyrl... sure you has a lot of good lines and ideas... but they are so spread across such a thin canvas that it is hard too take a lot from this. You've painted a beautiful picture, but you sort of lost meaning in the details. All together this was fun read... and packed a punch for how short it was... I just didn't take a ton out of it.

Thanks for getting to mine... Sorry I wasn't much help.

-zC
#9
Quote by Leonheart
Writing of the week?

...I don't know what to say.

:')!


(21:47:23) (&Leon) lolz
(21:47:26) (&Leon) ...me?
(21:47:28) (~cabby) yes you.
(21:47:32) (&Leon) Wtf.
(21:47:33) (&Leon) Lies.