#1
There’s a last good country out my window, dear

There’s a last good country out my window, dear
My oh my.
The mist spray in the city
Spry. Sparse.
Gotta go to the fountains
To the nighttime suburbs
No forest to get lost in, trees blocking out the sun
No world undone, early to bed early to miss
Appointments.
No more waves now.

You ever wonder if we could take it all back
All the petroleum, all that lay out of the city,
All the planning and lives lost to building,
To energizing energy,
If we could take it all back to the Arrowhead, cutting
Through the river and salmon skull,
Instead of through the salmon sky
And into mystery.

I’m not here I’m just waiting,
On a swiveling citty to the left of the hill
Swirling crystal on a will, a whim.
Birds swim through fluid,
We breathe it, and combust it,
Into Hemingway,
And Tim O’Brien
And Sorcery stores,
And dreamy January afternoons without shirts under space heaters,
Energy efficient.

My oh my.
The mist sprays green and mossy,
Spry. Sparse.
Roll and toss me to the reservoir,
It’s the last clean water source left here in Texas, Mass.
And the only way I can get out of here without—
No more waves now,
Just metal tools stealing gravity,
Away from suffocation.
#2
that's pretty good. it could be great with the right music.
Looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the cake this morning!

yeah, that's an inside joke. i made it different colors and sizes to be obnoxious...
#4
well i think it should be something you do maybe kinda electric but with a pretty clean sound, but then later after youre rich and famous release an acoustic record with this on acoustic as more sombre (similar to blowin in the wind by bob dylan)
Looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the cake this morning!

yeah, that's an inside joke. i made it different colors and sizes to be obnoxious...
#5
hahahahahahahaha rosamamusa, you may be dumb.


just so this isnt spam, i like this but i dont have the time to crit it right now. Ill edit one in later.
#6
i think it would be better to all the small things? cus like then you could like instead of na na na could just go my oh my oh my. yeah.

shout-out to a writer? check.
monosyllabic reptition? yeah.

if this was a painting, it would be pretty. if it were a girl, it would be pretty. if it were a god damn car, it would be pretty.

if this were a relationship, i'd accuse you of never wanting to do anything fun with me anymore. if you're imagery were your dick, it'd be okay but lacking any real penetration.

but, because you're so pretty, i'd still sleep with you.
#7
Stirs up some pretty solid images, my friend....even though I am not 100% sure what every part means, i don't feel too bad about that cause the flow and imagery is pretty spot on..this is actually one of my favorites from you, even though I haven't read much from you in a long time.