#1
Honest feedback please

Have you ever experienced something so great,
When the next day came, it only felt like a dream.
Although it is stuck in your head, its seems to be,
Slipping away as time passes me.
The more you remember,
The greater you feel,
The more we are together,
The more it's so real,
The further the distance,
The closer we are,
The non-existance,
Love overcomes 'afar'.
I had that warm feeling when lying on your bed.
When I saw your words, I leant forward,
You did also, then we became one,
We were in heaven, higher than the sun.
Not forever will I have the taste of your mouth in mine,
Not forever will I have the smell of you body on mine,
But forever truely, you will accompany my heart.
You and me, forever inlove.
Yes this is real,
Its not some gimmick.
I know how you feel,
This is your lyric.
I look into your eyes,
I melt in your arms.
There she lies,
With love so calm.
I guess I will have to wait two weeks,
So once again I can experience the 'something so great',
And when the next day comes, it feels again like a dream,
I will sleep that dream right next to you...
#2

Have you ever experienced something so great,
When the next day came, it only felt like a dream.
Although it is stuck in your head, its seems to be,
Slipping away as time passes me. <This line sort of bothers me. You're using a different point of view with 'you' in the line above and 'me' in this line. I guess it could make sense if you really mean that it's stuck in her head and slipping away from you, but for me I had to read it over a few times to actually get that.
The more you remember,
The greater you feel,
The more we are together, <This line seems a bit long.
The more it's so real,
The further the distance,
The closer we are, <I like this line and the one above, they're a nice contrast to each other.
The non-existance,
Love overcomes 'afar'.<These two lines don't really make sense to me, perhaps you could make it clearer?
I had that warm feeling when lying on your bed.
When I saw your words, I leant forward,
You did also, then we became one,
We were in heaven, higher than the sun. <'Sun' sounds a little forced to rhyme with 'one'.
Not forever will I have the taste of your mouth in mine,
Not forever will I have the smell of your body on mine,
But forever truely, you will accompany my heart. <'Truely' should be 'truly' and I think it would flow better if you combined 'you' and 'will' to "you'll".
You and me, forever in love.
Yes this is real,
Its not some gimmick.
I know how you feel,
This is your lyric.
I look into your eyes,
I melt in your arms.
There she lies, <You're using different point of views again, you should either change 'she' to you' or all the 'you's to 'she's.
With love so calm.
I guess I will have to wait two weeks,
So once again I can experience the 'something so great',
And when the next day comes, it feels again like a dream,
I will sleep that dream right next to you...


The title for this song is great, I really love it n_n And I like how you used 'lyric' instead of the overused 'song'. The lyrics would probably be easier to read, and to crit, if you separated it into stanzas. All in all i think that this is quite good.