Hey all!
im kinda new to UG although i have been surfing on UG for a while now.
Anyway, im 16 and this is my first song posted here, on UG.
Looking forward to your critisism.

this probably isn't gonna be the feedback your looking for... but here goes

honestly i didnt like it it all... i actually thought it sucked. just a bunch of powerchords going on and on and on... there would be a few random notes thrown in there... but nothing aurally pleasing. not impressive at all

the drums kept doing that little tom roll nothing that interesting after the first the u used it...

most teeny kids are into that 'post-[insert genre]' scene. i guess its just the genre but eventually u will out grow it... or u should outgrow it if you wish to become any better.
haha. thanks anyway man.
im kinda working on a metalcore-ish one.

thanks man, appreciate it.
I kinda agree with the other dude.. random power chords and then like random "high" notes thrown in.. like the section where you play those 12th fret harmonics. Wtf?
Well, I'm not gonna be as harsh as the other guys... But I do agree. I can sort of heart what you might be going for, but you didn't really accomplish it.

Establish a key and use it (Not saying through the whole thing, because key changes can be done and are wonderful, but don't change on every note, y'know?).

The "lead" part that first occurs at 22/23 doesn't sound good. It sounds completely out of key with everything else. But once again, I can hear what you're going for.

The "lead" part that starts at 42, once again, it doesn't sound that great.

And I really suggest not ending on the harmonics.

Overall, you had a good idea, but poor execution. Don't let it bother you though, it just takes a lot of practice writing songs. We've all been in the stage where no matter how hard we try, we can't get our ideas to sound right. Especially me. Welcome to UG.

Care to listen to mine? http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=770496
as a first song not bad

you show potential

but you need some music theory to make it work better
all the theory youd need to learn at you level can be found on wikipedia and just searching things on google

but id say 7/10 as a first song
keep it up
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The drums were okay... but the guitars were just boring, not to mention they grated on my nerves endlessly. The harmonies were way off mostly. And nothing really had a key..... That always bugs me.
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Sounds kinda like blessthefall/other screamo bands that aren't very talented. And I'm not hating or anything just the impression I get. It's good for your first songs. Music theory would help, and try to think it out a bit more and then write it. Play with it more and update me.
Its ok for a first song. Cause mostly every bodies first song will indeed suck but you gotta admit this is one of those songs. What music do you listen to? Im sure you dont listen to sucky music thinking its good and then produce something as low as this. Cause most of the music that users on here is quite decent. So writing something like this is a shame. But its ok just learn that it takes time to produce something that isnt scraps. Start from new cause the 2nd attempt at a song would be better if you listen to the songs you like all day. nice try. 1/10
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I liked the drums.
My meh gear:
Peavey Raptor Plus EXP
Digitech RP90
Digitech Bad Monkey
Electro-Harmonix Big Muff Pi (WTS)
Crate GT15 (SHIT)

Peavey 6505 112 combo
MXR 10-band EQ
Ibanez TS-9
Boss HR-2
Compressor (open to suggestions)
The drums were actually pretty good.
However, the guitars were just annoying.Not to be rude i just didn't like them that much.
But its still your first try and it was better then allot of other first attempts so keep trying
I actually really liked it
It sounded very Avant-Garde.
But... Something tells me you weren't trying to write Avant-Garde.

Keep trying, and writing and you'll improve.
And never forget the Bass!!

~Loki <3
~ Please Crit One Of My Songs? ~

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