#1

I'm the fuck hungry stump
with no working brain
and not much of a liver left either.
Hulking hunchback -
and if you saw me,
I'd be falling along with all the others,
hands in my back pockets,
erratic and wandering
to find my own path.
I'm upright but dead on my feet,
leaning forwards into air,
eyes flitting from
one obscene moment to the next and
I attack the floor with my feet,
putting miles between
me and the rest of humanity,
across the floor of a dirty bar.

My father is here and he
watches my stumbles.
Watches me crawl through shit.
I have nothing.
I want nothing.
He says:
"Son, you were a proud man once,
you could stand tall with your
head held high.
You could walk with confidence
and you'd come out ahead -
you were motivated.
But here you are,
on your hands and knees with
all the world kicking you down.
What happened?"

"That's just the way I walk now".




love is a dog from hell.



Last edited by we have sound at Feb 2, 2008,
#2
It feels like I'm reading about my situation .I read the first 2 lines and I knew it was about alcoholic person sadly. Your ending was good as always but this time it was both thought provoking and depressing in some strange sense. I don't know how to crit this , seems pretty good to me and I dig it . Srry for the lame crit . I'll stop talking now
Hi
#4
The part in quotations seemed to ramble on and even repeated an earlier part of the poem. I would either re-write or trim down that part. Otherwise I have no complaints.
<(^_^< (>^_^)> <(^_^< OH YEAH! (>^_^)> <(^_^< (>^_^)>
#6
I loved it. I know you've said this a while ago about one of my pieces but I'm going to say it too: it's so damn real. It's so down to earth and it really drags you right into the misery and your language is so beautiful yet so.. real. It's something that I can really connect with and I felt what you were saying and all, so yeah, good job once again.
I just posted something.

#8

It's not supposed to be optimistic. More just sad, and lonely and full of something. Y'know?




love is a dog from hell.



#9
the last line resonates a lot. this is evident in that I read this once, when it was posted, and sometimes when I'm walking I think "this is just the way I walk now"
love dead like a crushed fly

for those of you who said you'd be interested in hearing my lyrics put to music- I started work on recording an album, if you get in touch with me pm or otherwise I'd be more than happy to fill you in