#1
not a heavy song. light. but not accostic


Blood running in a stream
Knives and needles in my skin
Needles filled with poison
That kills me so peacefully.

can't I be what I've always been?
A failure to the fast paced society.
I am a turtle and they a sports car
I observe them as they finish the race

I'm not gonna keep up the pace
For beyond the finish line
Lies death's cold embracing hands
Can't you see its a race of death.

*there is no escape from this race
You will complete it!
This is the race of death
And all will fallow its trodden path
Its the one thing that I didn't fail.*

Drugs and disease push along
They are your favorite sponsor.
Diseases are usually not your fault so
Drugs will not help prolong your life.

Human morals gone down the drain
born into this world to quickly finish the race.
Corruption of human soul
Will finish the race for this country.

I am still crawling along
My legs are broken but
I'm not complaining until
I'm the last one in the death race

*chorus*

A long way I've come.
Seeing fast cars every which way
I am still on crutches but
I am not the last one.

Canoe in a stream of blood.
Making way for more to fallow.
Everyone a follower
So don't be afraid to stick on out.

The turtles have meet.
And I am not alone
but what's the point when
Your child is in a speedboat?

*chorus*

Life wasn't so bad being so far behind.
Meeting others and changing along the way.
I was a lonesome turtle
But I have found my calling
And it is my one success.

Why do we have to race
Can't we just take a stroll.
Or not fall in the crimson rapids.
The line is here the line is there
Just don't join the------
blemonese of the Bass Militia, PM Nutter_101 to join
Quote by camhussynec
Its like getting anal for the first time. It hurts like hell but eventully ull get used to it and itll feel fine

Thanks for nothing
Last edited by matosh.lee at Feb 3, 2008,
#2
This is my first crit, im really looking forward to patronizing u, but not really.

Blood running in a stream
Knives and needles in my skin
Needles filled with poison
That kills me so peacefully.

im getting drugs here

can't I be what I've always been?
A failure to the fast paced society.
I am a turtle and they a sports car
I observe them as they finish the race


I'm not gonna keep up the pace
For beyond the finish line
Lies death's cold embracing hands
Can't you see its a race of death.

Mortality is always an interesting topic to write about.

*there is no escape from this race
You will complete it!
This is the race of death
And all will fallow its trodden path
Its the one thing that I didn't fail.*

Drugs and disease push along
They are your favorite sponsor.
Diseases are usually not your fault so
Drugs will not help prolong your life.

Human morals gone down the drain
born into this world to quickly finish the race.
Corruption of human soul
Will finish the race for this country.


I am still crawling along
My legs are broken but
I'm not complaining until
I'm the last one in the death race

*chorus*

A long way I've come.
Seeing fast cars every which way
I am still on crutches but
I am not the last one.

Canoe in a stream of blood.
Making way for more to fallow.
Everyone a follower
So don't be afraid to stick on out.

The turtles have meet.
Am I am not alone???
but what's the point when
Your child is in a speedboat?

To me the stream of blood here could be talking about your families bloodlines and your child is the next part of the stream. It sounds like your child is doing well in life but your not proud? Im not sure how the blood stream ties in with the opening line though. i could be way off here.


*chorus*

Life wasn't so bad being so far behind.
Meeting others and changing along the way.
I was a lonesome turtle
And it is my one success.

Why do we have to race
Can't we just take a stroll.
Or not fall in the crimson rapids.
The line is here the line is there
Just don't join the------
__________________

There seems to be a fair amount of metaphors in this song: turtles, sports cars, canoes, speed boats, cripples. It maybe gets a bit jumbled. You could choose the ones that work best and elaborate on them. Just a thought


Overall pretty good id say
Ironically it has almost got an opposite meaning to a song i put up earlier.The Three States of Mind Mine pretty much says that drugs are bad for ure mentality and effect artists potential. Where as yours says that drugs are ok because everybody dies anyway so why not have fun through "the race" of life. At least thats what im getting. sorry if ive misinterpreted.
#3
^thanks. well all the metaphors are for what is killing you in life. drugs, hate, ect. the turtles is cause i wanna live as long as possible. so we are slow. i broke my legs so that means im not dieing now. drugs are not okay cause its killing you. it is mocking how we are supposed seem to be living. race of death. we are racing. and we all wanna win this race. which will lead us to our death. some of us know what this race is really about. it is trying to kill us. so we dont hurry on. i might have forgotten something to say but oh well. thanks for the crit.
blemonese of the Bass Militia, PM Nutter_101 to join
Quote by camhussynec
Its like getting anal for the first time. It hurts like hell but eventully ull get used to it and itll feel fine

Thanks for nothing