#1
crit4crit

I don’t know what you said
But it sounded beautiful
When you speak of the devil
You sound like an angel

I’d give any offering
That you would ask of me
But I’m begging you to stop
Begging me to leave

Don’t make me turn back
Now that I found Heaven’s gate
You say I’ve stayed too long
But forever is not too late

Within these scriptures
Let’s pretend there’s an us
Let’s pretend we’re in love
My beautiful caged dove

There's an angel underneath
Your divine vulture wings
And when you prey then I pray
That you'll spread them for me

Don’t make me turn back
Now that I found Heaven’s gate
You say I’ve stayed too long
But forever is not too late

You are the beads
On my rosary
So please pray for me
Pray for me
You are the beads
On my rosary
So please prey on me
Prey on me
#2
I don’t know what you said
But it sounded beautiful
When you speak of the devil
You sound like an angel

i like this oppening especiallly the last two lines

I’d give any offering
That you would ask of me
But I’m begging you to stop
Begging me to leave

i like the repetittion of begging, and the flow of this is very good

Don’t make me turn back
Now that I found Heaven’s gate
You say I’ve stayed too long
But forever is not too late

i really like this i think that this is my favorite verse i love how you threw in this rhyme it fits very well

Within these scriptures
Let’s pretend there’s an us
Let’s pretend we’re in love
My beautiful caged dove

this one i dont like as much. i like the metaphor of a caged dove, but i dont like the rhyme of us and dove, because it sounds somewhat forced. but i dont know how you could change the rhyme without removing the metaphor. i think that you should change the end of the second line of this verse

There's an angel underneath
Your divine vulture wings
And when you prey then I pray
That you'll spread them for me

i like the metaphor of something better inside, and i really like the internal rhyme of prey and pray

Don’t make me turn back
Now that I found Heaven’s gate
You say I’ve stayed too long
But forever is not too late

You are the beads
On my rosary
So please pray for me
Pray for me
You are the beads
On my rosary
So please prey on me
Prey on me


this song is very good and origional. the only change that i would make to this piece is the second line of the third verse, the one that goes, "lets pretend there's an us". other than that, this is a great song