#1
song i finished today, i have a ful acoustic recording on my page so check it out, critics welcome. Peace


when i look into youre eyes
i dont know what i see
who you are or who i want you to be
but i know
when you speek you light up something inside of me
but as you walk away its gone its gone and im

giving up on chasing shadows in the dark
And it tears me apart but its killing me more
to stay here with you knowing that this isnt real
despite what i feel

seen this coming from so far away
but i still try to find a way
and we all lose when
we play this game but i know

when youre near youre near and
theres nothing that i wont do
just like a drug i need more every time im with you but im

giving up on chasing shadows in the dark
And it tears me apart but its killing me more
to stay here with you knowing tha
Quote by casualty01


btw, you're annoying me.

banned.

Cas-
#2
A lot of spelling errors and why don't you use punctuation and caps? Makes it seem amateur to me. 'Youre' in the first line should be 'your', 'speek' should be 'speak', and 'tha' in the last line is supposed to be 'that', I'm guessing.

And now about content and whatnot: there are quite a few cliched lines that I didn't really like in here. For example, 'light up something inside of me' and the drug idea in the fourth line. 'Chasing shadows in the dark' was really original to me, though, I've never heard it before. A few spots, rhyme sounds a little forced with simple words like 'see', 'be', and 'me' in the first stanza. Did you really try to rhyme 'away' with 'a way'? If you didn't, please change it.

Well, now I'm going to listen to the mp3 of it on your profile. Don't take anything I said to hard, you don't even have to take it seriously if you don't want. I'm just being honest and I hope it helps you.
#3
its cool i was thinkin the same thing, honestly i wasnt worrited about spelling i keep frgetting that people on Ug are all like English Professors and care that much. thanks fer being honest about the cliches the stuff kinda just flowed.
Quote by casualty01


btw, you're annoying me.

banned.

Cas-
#5
haha aight... i mean "Alright" i can take that one.
Quote by casualty01


btw, you're annoying me.

banned.

Cas-
#6
when i look into youre eyes
i dont know what i see
who you are or who i want you to be
but i know
when you speek you light up something inside of me
but as you walk away its gone its gone and im
the first line just kinda seems cliche and old for me... and you should try spell check.

giving up on chasing shadows in the dark
And it tears me apart but its killing me more
to stay here with you knowing that this isnt real
despite what i feel
not a bad idea but feels like it needs more


i have nothing else important to say about the rest. But overall, just seems like it's missing something and is too... normal. Nothing makes this unique really.