I mean...I'm no expert on metal so I can't say much. I would try to switch up the rhythms in these long passages of...whatever note they are (it's straight something notes, which is a bit repetitive) Do a fast sequence but with a complex rhythm to it.

This low growl voice is a bit hard to take seriously. It kinda reminds me of some characters from some old fighting games I used to play (big burly viking type guys). The other voice you use is much more believable. Try to keep it less over the top somehow if you still want to use that voice.

What did you record this with? Your guitar playing is pretty impressive/accurate (though there was one extended bend near the beginning that sounded off, but I think I might have just not heard what you were trying to do.... otherwise I notice no mistakes).

C4C? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=826830
ye thanks man..yeah our drummer really needs to work on his overall creativity as a drummer... keep things spicy hehe...but yeah...thanks for the critique...i am the guitarist...but the recording we did was like done with one little mic haha for drums and everything...so the recordiing isnt great...but it gives an idea...
The prehistoric golden age of man