#1
Heyy.. here's a song I recently threw together, genre's punk. Tell me what you think?

Sitting here, been wondering
How this world, keeps turning
When everyone, is just the same as (you)
Telling me, to stop crying
Now your love, keep denying
And all I want, is to never be like you

I'll be fine once you tell me you'll be gone
Be on mine I've been waiting for so long
To you I was the only one that was wrong
Best you must leave this house so you'll be gone

Said so much, all your lies
Now a book, you life abides
How can, everyone like to follow (you)
No one knows, of the nights
Up so late, from the fights
And all I want, is to never be like you

I'll be fine once you tell me you'll be gone
Be on mine I've been waiting for so long
To you I was the only one that was wrong
Best you must leave this house so you'll be gone

Take a look, your insides
Be ashamed, don't try to hide
Everything done, can't ever please (you)
Your lonely life, such a crime
Making love, come in time
And all I want, is to never be like you

I'll be fine once you tell me you'll be gone
Be on mine I've been waiting for so long
To you I was the only one that was wrong
Best you must leave this house so you'll be gone

[solo]

I'll be fine once you tell me you'll be gone
Be on mine I've been waiting for so long
To you I was the only one that was wrong
Best you must leave this house so you'll be gone

I'll be fine once you tell me you'll be gone
Be on mine I've been waiting for so long
To you I was the only one that was wrong
Best you must leave this house so you'll be gone
So you'll be gone..
#3
hahah thanks! Pretty proud, it's my first non deathly emo song:p hahah
#4
Quote by Soph37
Heyy.. here's a song I recently threw together, genre's punk. Tell me what you think?

Sitting here, been wondering
How this world, keeps turning
When everyone, is just the same as (you)
Telling me, to stop crying
Now your love, keep denying
And all I want, is to never be like you
wondering and turning doesnt sit well,seems a bit forced i think. also, be more creative with 'just the same as you' its been said a million times, make it your own.

I'll be fine once you tell me you'll be gone
Be on mine I've been waiting for so long
To you I was the only one that was wrong
Best you must leave this house so you'll be gone
i dont understand the wording 'be on mine' then 'ive been waiting here so long' what were you trying to say?

Said so much, all your lies
Now a book, you life abides
How can, everyone like to follow (you)
No one knows, of the nights
Up so late, from the fights
And all I want, is to never be like you
again, the last line is overused, just try to make it yours.

I'll be fine once you tell me you'll be gone
Be on mine I've been waiting for so long
To you I was the only one that was wrong
Best you must leave this house so you'll be gone

Take a look, your insides
Be ashamed, don't try to hide
Everything done, can't ever please (you)
Your lonely life, such a crime
Making love, come in time
And all I want, is to never be like you

I'll be fine once you tell me you'll be gone
Be on mine I've been waiting for so long
To you I was the only one that was wrong
Best you must leave this house so you'll be gone

[solo]

I'll be fine once you tell me you'll be gone
Be on mine I've been waiting for so long
To you I was the only one that was wrong
Best you must leave this house so you'll be gone

I'll be fine once you tell me you'll be gone
Be on mine I've been waiting for so long
To you I was the only one that was wrong
Best you must leave this house so you'll be gone
So you'll be gone..

Your off to a good start here, but imo a lot of it seems to have been said over and over. Mind telling me why you hate mine? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=780996
i need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah.
Last edited by 12epi345 at Feb 7, 2008,
#5
Heyy, thanks for the crit. For the "Be on mine, I've been waiting for so long" It's just means like.. I've been waiting so long to be on my own? hahah. And yeahh, I kinda just realized that those lines have been overused.. so I'll think of something else to put, with the same kind of meaning. Thanks.
#6
Very good... i was playin it on my guitar without it being punky or something but i was just improvising with some chords, i used C,G,F and Am...

Try this just to show u.... C - Sittin , G- here, iv been F wonderin...
C how this world keeps Am Turnin

I thought it sounded good the way i played very good song =]