#1
This is one of my lyrics (i've wrote eighteen ones, but with part of them i'm not satisfied). i'd be great to point out some unacceptable grammatical errors (and other ones), cause i'm english isn't my native language (and i'm not using it in everyday life

Heartbreaker

In the darkest of dark nights
In the deepest of deep waters
I lie with my heart running
All my mind feel it breaking
I lie with my mind shattered
Like broken mirror glowing
In the deadly pale moonlight
Don’t know even if I’m alive

I came to the border
And crossed the line
So there’s no comeback
I’ll never look behind

My eyes are forever blind
I’ve watched the sun too much
I lived in the daylight
I’ll never know the truth
The moonlight turns black
The silver trees aren’t no more
And the darkest of nights
Comes over me and takes me

My heart is breaking but
I don’t fell it ‘cause I don’t
Feel anything but dark night
Holding me and chilling me

I’m colder than ice
Don’t know even if alive
The silverlight shining at me
But I don’t see it
‘Cause I’m blind

I came to the border
And crossed the line
So there’s no comeback
I’ll never look behind

My heart is broken
The warm blood spilled out
Watering the silver trees
That grew higher than ever
And then faded, choking
With my poisoned blood
You poisoned it badly
With your deceit of lies

When I needed help
You gave me sharp knife
When I was breaking
You cut me with it
With a knife of lies
Hanging above my head
Like neverending storm
With mighty lightnings

I came to the border
And crossed the line
‘Cause you pushed me all way
And kicked towards end

Kicking the lying
On a cold floor
Preparing to die
To fade away

‘Cause you’ve broken my heart
Lying ‘I love you’ too many times
But in your eyes deceit lives
I was too blind to see it
I haven’t known you were playing me
Acting like I was your toy
Covering it with sweet words
When you were bored you’ve broken
My heart

So I know I’m not alive
I see the moonlight no more
My mind isn’t like broken glass
I don’t feel my heart breaking
I don’t feel my heart running
I only fell that I’m dead
In the darkest of dark nights
In the deepest of deep waters

Yes, i know that the title and some parts of the lyric are a 'bit' cliche, but... i like it :P
#2
Its not THAT bad gramatically, i'm not a native english speaker too but i noticed only a few errors compared to things that my friends have written, such as:

So there’s no comeback
There's no coming back?

you’ve broken my heart
you broke my heart?

Kicking the lying
not sure what you're trying to say

Lying ‘I love you’ too many times
But in your eyes deceit lives

The use of the word "lying" isnt really necessary because of the word "deceit' in the next line. Substitute with "Said" ?

Overall, I've seen things that are much worse. Not having english as your first language shouldnt be much of a problem if you put a lot of effort into your writing. Grammar isnt really important, what matters is making sense but if you wanna work more on grammar try reading more books to see how sentences are structured, it will really help you with grammar.
Last edited by xxemo_kittyxx at Feb 5, 2008,