#1
C4C, ya know the drill.


(backing vocals)

Come sit here next to me
as I attempt to fall asleep
Just protect me from these voices and shadows
'till the morning and away they creep

Chorus:
Just don't close the door
(leave the light off)
The light only casts more
(Shadows in a dark room)

Please just stay one more night
to protect me while I sleep
Save me from these shadows
So they'll no longer haunt my sleep


Yes I know its pathetic but
I cant stand to be alone tonight
So please just stay with me and
Spare my life from this fright

Chorus:
Just don't close the door
(leave the light off)
The light only casts more
(Shadows in a dark room)


Just to clarify the meaning of the song to me, I wrote it with the thought of that time in our lives that we just can't stand to be alone because being alone will drive us insane and how some may resort to drastic measures to not be left alone.
You can take it however you may please because thats the beauty of music we can take things however we want and make it mean something very special to us.
Last edited by quicksilver25 at Feb 6, 2008,
#2
Quote by quicksilver25
C4C, ya know the drill.


(backing vocals)

Come sit here next to me
as I attempt to fall asleep
Just protect me from these voices and shadows
'till the morning and away they creep

The first two lines are pretty good, and the last two would be good too, but they fumble over eachother a bit because of the length..

Chorus:
Just don't close the door
(leave the light off)
The light only casts more
(Shadows in a dark room)

Ummm the chorus is alright, but the line "the light only casts more" doesnt really go with it, it seems like you were just trying to make something rhyme..


Please just stay one more night
to protect me while I sleep
Save me from these shadows
So that they'll no longer haunt my sleep

Second verse is pretty good, but it would work better were you to take out the That in the last line so it flows better..

Yes I know its pathetic but
I cant stand to be alone tonight
So please just stay with me and
Spare my life from this fright

Again, seems like you're trying to make it rhyme a little too hard with the last line, but it kinda almost works..

Chorus:
Just don't close the door
(leave the light off)
The light only casts more
(Shadows in a dark room)



I suppose it's not too bad, could use some polishing. But it's kinda muddled in portraying what you're trying to say. it seems like a mix between a love song, and a song about a kid being scared of the monsters under his bed.
#3

Come sit here next to me
as I attempt to fall asleep
Just protect me from these voices and shadows
'till the morning and away they creep

in this stanza i would pu a "these" before shadows to fluency. I would also get rid of the "and" in the last line as I feel it is unneccesary.

Chorus:
Just don't close the door
(leave the light off)
The light only casts more
(Shadows in a dark room)

To me it seems that you should say "Just don't open the door" rather than close. I don't know, it just seems as if that way it makes it so your not letting in outside light. The last two lines are awsome. And since I take it that the ( ) represent another singer, I am curious as to what style this will be developed into. Anyway the contrasting voices should add a nice affect.

Please just stay one more night
to protect me while I sleep
Save me from these shadows
So they'll no longer haunt my sleep

Alright, so this stanza to me anyway, loses its flow. I like the idea but it needs some rearanging. Mostly the second line, to me it just doesn't fit. Of course I would have to hear it sung since rhythm and melody can make up for that. Wording wise I would suggest not using sleep at the end of both the 2nd and 4th lines.

Yes I know its pathetic but
I cant stand to be alone tonight
So please just stay with me and
Spare my life from this fright

This one is good overall. All it needs is some wording fixes. I would suggest the word "here" after "alone" and I would do something with the word, "fright". I wouldn't worry about the rhym here so much and would possibly go for a longer word.

Chorus:
Just don't close the door
(leave the light off)
The light only casts more
(Shadows in a dark room)



Really this is quite a nice piece. It does as the user above mentioned remind me of a mix between a little kid's begging and a lover's begging. It also strikes me as a blink 182 / Angles and Airwaves type song. If that wasn't intended I'm sorry, its just what came to mind. I really would like to hear it recorded, GP5 it, or at least know the genre that you have in mind. Good Luck .
#4
the genre? I can't really say a definite genre right now, its all up in the air. I doubt it will ever be used with my current band. (the guitarist is the writer) It could be anything from pop-punk to a metal(musically wise) song probably with screaming, of course depending on the music behind it. I've mentally put music to it with different styles.
if i can get it recorded somehow I'll let you know.
#5
I tried to critique it on here, but it kept messing up, so ill just tell ya
Its very nice. Somethings are a little hard to get into, but thats probably cause of the music not being there and all. maybe take out the line spare my life from this fright
Quote by skaterskagg1
Gotta have more shaft!

Don't sig that!


Just because you said not too!