#1
This is the first song i've posted on here. Let me know what you think i could do to make it better and so on. C4C


Intro:
Our perfect world
lies on the ground broken and lost
Left wishing for a day without you
I stand
heart in hand
waiting for you to put my soul to rest

Pre verse:
Don’t try to change your ways
You’ve dug your hole deep enough
Six feet below with no escape
There’s no turning back now

Verse:
All hope is gone, my love is lost
Betrayal’s in the air
You’ve ****ed with me for the last time
Let your final breathe, be your final lie

Chorus:
Remember these words
as we walk away from all we had
Please end this tragedy we’ve created

Bridge/Breakdown:
What
Has this come to
Your face sends chills down my spine
Stained
with the memory of you
I count the seconds till your gone
Lost
In your head you fall
There’s nothing more left for you here

Pre verse:
Open your eyes to the world around you
As you sit there and let the venom drip from your teeth

Verse 2:
Left alone, to fend for yourself
Look at the monster you’ve become

Bridge:
You’ve got one shot
To pick yourself up this time
Will you remember me

Chorus:
Remember these words
As we walk away from all we had
Please end this tragedy we’ve created

Outro:
Take these words in memory
You’re everything that’s wrong with me
Self painted portrait of agony
Thrive in your empty memories
Last edited by Brad7X at Feb 6, 2008,
#2
Quote by Brad7X
This is the first song i've posted on here. Let me know what you think i could do to make it better and so on. C4C


Intro:
Our perfect world
lies on the ground broken and lost
Left wishing for a day without you
I stand
heart in hand
waiting for you to put my soul to rest
heart in hand bit seems a bit overdone already, im sure you can think of something better

Pre verse:
Don’t try to change your ways
You’ve dug your hole deep enough
Six feet below with no escape
There’s no turning back now
middle two lines are pretty good but the last could also use some creativity

Verse:
All hope is gone, my love is lost
Betrayal’s in the air
You’ve ****ed with me for the last time
Let your final breathe, be your final lie

Chorus:
Remember these words
as we walk away from all we had
Please end this tragedy we’ve created
chorus seems a bit weak to me

Bridge/Breakdown:
What
Has this come to
Your face sends chills down my spine
Stained
with the memory of you
I count the seconds till your gone
Lost
In your head you fall
There’s nothing more left for you here


Pre verse:
Open your eyes to the world around you
As you sit there and let the venom drip from your teeth

Verse 2:
Left alone, to fend for yourself
Look at the monster you’ve become

Bridge:
You’ve got one shot
To pick yourself up this time
Will you remember me

Chorus:
Remember these words
As we walk away from all we had
Please end this tragedy we’ve created

Outro:
Take these words in memory
You’re everything that’s wrong with me
Self painted portrait of agony
Thrive in your empty memories

sorry i cant be more help, but you've got potential with this. just mix it up a bit, add some flair and it will be cool
i need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah.