#1
the verse melody is an adaptation on an idea given to me by one of my friends.

the melody ideas had been kicking around my head for a while now, and i wrote the lyrics in quite literally 5 minutes yesterday....just sat on the stairs and it all came quite quickly...whcih explains their shoddy quality

hope you like it. i think it's a nice song.

http://www.mp3.com.au/applemangolove

or

http://www.myspace.com/applemangolove
#2
Vocals kind of remind me of a lower Robert Smith. The progressions don't do a lot for me, but you can play the piano reasonably well. It's also nice and short and tightly written.

All in all something about it just doesn't appeal to me. Maybe the piano. I just don't think it's imaginative enough for me on its own. Maybe consider arranging a string part or something. Maybe like a French horn harmonizing with the vocals.

EDIT:

Mind listening to mine?
http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=778600