#1
Alrighty Tighty. Here's another one of my little escapades into riff lyricing. this one seems a little more cliché to me, but i still like it. again as with my other songs, you need to hear it to appreciate it. and the first verse... i don't really like it. but it works. i like the second one better. ACTUALLY. you can hear it. but i need to explain the recording too (be patient) this recording is with my old band. and our old singer was a huge drug addict and he didnt even try to learn the chorus, so he just made up some random ****ty dying mmonkey sounds. so he did that for the chorus (wich is my favorite part) and i did the verses. it's also not a very good recording. so during his monkey noises imagine i'm doing the chorus that's down there. any way here's the myspace: http://www.myspace.com/theunforgivensoldiers

and here are the lyrics (FINALLY! thanks for baring with me):

Hit The Ground

Digging. Digging
Digging my grave
Spilling. Spilling
Spilling My Soul
Lying Killing
It Won’t Go Away
Dying Waiting
For Another Day

You pull me up, you push me down
Don’t know what just happened, ‘Till I Hit The Ground
You make me invincible, you make me cry
You kill me a little, because you lie
I hit the ground, I Hit it hard
I made a mistake, I let down my guard
I Hit The Ground, because Of You
I Hit The Ground, you never knew

Heal Me. Take Me
Kill Me. Hate Me.
But You Bitch, I Will Not Die
I’m Healed By All, The Tears I’ve cried

You pull me up, you push me down
Don’t know what just happened, ‘Till I Hit The Ground
You make me invincible, you make me cry
You kill me a little, because you lie
I hit the ground, I Hit it hard
I made a mistake, I let down my guard
I Hit The Ground, because Of You
I Hit The Ground, you never knew
#2
although i wanted to blow my brains out from depression... to be honest although its not my kind of thing for what it is it seems really good...
#5
I'm sure it works for the music you're writing it for, but from a purely technical standpoint, it's extremely repetitive. It's very cliche and doesn't do anything new at all. It just feels like the same old metalcore angry lyrics, and the rhymes are very basic and forced sounding. Sorry for being negative, but that's my view on it.
#6
I think I'd be dudette :] lol. This is okay, but I don't really like the very continuous use of repeating certain phrases. Like saying "I hit the ground" three times in the chorus, it just didn't do it for me, sorry :[ Other than that, though, there was a really good flow and, except for the repitition, the chorus was very catchy.
#7
Its a good song but its wayyy to deathy for me. I can't stand that type of music, but i do like the lyrics. For what it is its a really good song, but i hate the style. Its nothing against you or the song.

You were right by the way, the chorus does sound insanely weird, but it is a good song for what it is.
#8
Quote by rush4life
I'm sure it works for the music you're writing it for, but from a purely technical standpoint, it's extremely repetitive. It's very cliche and doesn't do anything new at all. It just feels like the same old metalcore angry lyrics, and the rhymes are very basic and forced sounding. Sorry for being negative, but that's my view on it.


Yea. It's not bad, it's just been done before and there's little imagination to it...but it's not any worse than half the radio rock out there.
#9
yeah man thats basically what i said in that paragraph i wrote up there^ i said myself it was cliché so if i already admited it, i don't really think it was necessary to point it out. but thanks anyway
#10
Quote by pandafriedrice
Yea. It's not bad, it's just been done before and there's little imagination to it...but it's not any worse than half the radio rock out there.


That's my point. I figured most people would want to aspire to better writing than that. Nowadays, everyone complains about modern music, but it doesn't help when the ones making the new stuff are just recycling the same things everyone is complaining about.
#11
yeah well im not trying to change the ****ing world with my music man. always remember: im a Guitarist before i am a writer. the lyrics could be about scrubbing a toilet with your tongue and i wouldnt care, as long as the music is good.

however, sadly enough a song about scrubbing a toilet is better than anything out there because there's nothing new to write about, so people like you coming up here complaining about "it's just another heartbreak song wah wah whinny angry metal" you feed me some ****ing topics and i'll write just stop your goddamn complaining because you guys are the ones starting to sound recycled.
#12
Don't post something on a forum dedicated to feedback and critique if you can't handle responses. We're just here to give you our opinions, and if you don't want that, then don't bother posting.