#1
this is a new song
its short but has some cool breakdown parts to it
really would like some criticism on this one please

Verse
We were a loving pair
Making it through the world
Never had any despair
Til I met another girl
I thought that I loved you
Til death do us apart
But this love wasnt true
I think its time for us to depart

Chorus
I thought you were what I wanted
With your smile and your eyes
Now my mistake leaves me haunted
Leaving you with words that are lies
Maybe we should have never started
Should we have said I do?
Leading to waters that were uncharted
With nothing left but adieu

(Guitar Breakdown)

Bridge
I never wanted it to be like this
We dont even do anything together anymore
I dont want to reminice
Lets go back to how it was before

(guitar solo)

Chorus
I thought you were what I wanted
With your smile and your eyes
Now my mistake leaves me haunted
Leaving you with words that are lies
Maybe we should have never started
Should we have said I do?
Leading to waters that were uncharted
With nothing left but adieu
#2
Quote by michael_cndff
this is a new song
its short but has some cool breakdown parts to it
really would like some criticism on this one please

Verse
We were a loving pair
Making it through the world
Never had any despair
Til I met another girl
I thought that I loved you
Til death do us apart
But this love wasnt true
I think its time for us to depart
seems a bit generic so far, 'this love wasnt true' why not?

Chorus
I thought you were what I wanted
With your smile and your eyes
Now my mistake leaves me haunted
Leaving you with words that are lies
Maybe we should have never started
Should we have said I do?
Leading to waters that were uncharted
With nothing left but adieu
again, put your own spin on age old sayings.
(Guitar Breakdown)

Bridge
I never wanted it to be like this
We dont even do anything together anymore
I dont want to reminice
Lets go back to how it was before

(guitar solo)

Chorus
I thought you were what I wanted
With your smile and your eyes
Now my mistake leaves me haunted
Leaving you with words that are lies
Maybe we should have never started
Should we have said I do?
Leading to waters that were uncharted
With nothing left but adieu


i dont mean to seem harsh, but thats just my opinion, sorry i cant be more help than that.
i need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah.