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#1
SO i was sitting in school today and I realized that i put my foot in my mouth almost every day. Here are a few examples:

I once heard a mormon girl talking about the "second coming" and made a sex joke. Apparently, that's inappropriate.

I told a jewish girl she was a Nazi.

And FTW:
I once made a joke about my history teacher having a small penis right to his face. Oops.

Anyway, i got to thinking and realized that the Pit MUST have some amazing foot-in-mouth stories, so let's hear em!
#2
i know that theyre not funny but...
ive gotten into trouble a couple of times for making "that's what she said jokes" to my teachers when they could hear me
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#3
I almost said ****** to a black dude? And once I made fun of Chinese people in front of my friend and he was like "I really don't care." I've done it a lot more times but there's so many I can't remember.
Quote by Douche ©
I may not be cool off the internet, but on the internet I am pretty cool.

Aww

The Pit Cliff Notes:
Quote by SOADfreak6
myabe we all suck thats why were sitting at a computer desk talking **** thro the enternet lol


If not all of us, at least him.

<//////>~
#4
Yeah, some black guy with a yankees cap walks into the ice cream parlor, and I said "We dont serve your kind here," as in, yankee fans, i guess he thought something else and left.
Don't cry over spilt milk! Soak it up with you penile sponge!
#5
Too many
Once when drunk I had the following conversation:
Me: "We'll kill them slowly and horribly"
Friend: "How?"
Me: "We'll go stab a load of gay ******s and get aids blood on some needle and go needle them!"

Sat next to me was my black gay friend
He bitch-slapped me
ohai little sig.
#6
Well, we were talking about parents and responsibilities one time in class. My teacher mentions that her dad left her when she was young. I then proceed to let out a Nelson-esque "HA-ha"

#7
Yesterday, a black security guard in Burger King (Hell Yeh) was kicking my mate out, and he said "Back in your cage, you monkey" I was like "Shwhaaat?"
"If you don't show it, I cannot grope it."

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.."
#8
Quote by oddhawk676
Yeah, some black guy with a yankees cap walks into the ice cream parlor, and I said "We dont serve your kind here," as in, yankee fans, i guess he thought something else and left.

When you saw me sleeping
thought I was dreaming
of you...


I didn't tell you
That the only dream
Is Valium for me
#9
To a Brett Keisel's mom before I knew she was Mormon: "Mormons? They should call them morons!". This was when I was about 12 or so. I'm still good friends with Connie, so its all good.
Founder of UGPSA: Ultimate-Guitar's Pot Smokers Association. PM me to join.
Quote by Slash_HuDsOn
ak guitarist doesn't dress in the morning. he kills throughout the day and attires himself appropriately

#10
Well we went to some amateur show with my class because some students played in it .
There was a sketch where the guy who planned the whole thing went on stage dressed as a clown , babbling about how laughing is good for you and that releases endorphins which makes us happy . And i said really loud ''Yeah so does masturbation.''
#11
Quote by oddhawk676
Yeah, some black guy with a yankees cap walks into the ice cream parlor, and I said "We dont serve your kind here," as in, yankee fans, i guess he thought something else and left.


dude, you win. hands down.
Quote by MakinLattes
dwelling on past mishaps is for the weak. you must stride into the future, unabashed and prepared to fuck up yet again.
#12
Quote by oddhawk676
Yeah, some black guy with a yankees cap walks into the ice cream parlor, and I said "We dont serve your kind here," as in, yankee fans, i guess he thought something else and left.

Oh dear lord.
Quote by Douche ©
I may not be cool off the internet, but on the internet I am pretty cool.

Aww

The Pit Cliff Notes:
Quote by SOADfreak6
myabe we all suck thats why were sitting at a computer desk talking **** thro the enternet lol


If not all of us, at least him.

<//////>~
#13
well it was in history

teacher- Some slave owners would fight duels using their slaves

Me- So, sort of like Pokemon with people....Black man, I choose you!!!!!
Quote by RevaM1ssP1ss
Wiggy = legend.

Devil's Advocate
#14
In English, somehow we got to talking about peoples' roles in our life...My teacher picked the wrong person to ask her question to. She goes "Joe (me), if you had a wife, would you rather her be cooking or vacuuming?"

I said, before I had a chance to stop myself, "Cooking. Women should always be in the kitchen."
This was a class of like 23 girls and 4 guys. One of the guys said quietly "That's like saying n*gger in a room full of black kids"
O.S.I.


Part of the 7-string Legion

Check out my profile
and my 7-string Ernie Ball MM JP-7 build


#15
About two days ago at band practice Me and my guitarist were having a conversation and were joined quickly by everyone else except the singer (she has no responses weird huh)

Me:Obama for President
Guitarist:Yes **** Clinton.
Bassist:**** off sexists you just dont want her in office cause shes a woman.
Myhead:If I was a ****ing sexist you wouldnt be in this band
Mymouth:Shut the **** up racist.
Bassist:Hilary Clinton is an amazing woman.
Me:Youre still racist
Bassist:No there are 2 types of african americans black people are respectable n*****s are assholes.
Me (to everyone):Were going to assasinate Clinton all of us
Bongo Player (yes we have a bongo player until he gets a guitar):**** yeah
Guitarist:Yes
Bassist:Assholes (Puts on Marilyn Mansons version of another brick in the wall I run downstairs grab a knife and hold it to her throat until she turns it off...Needless to say she turned it off... She didnt quit the band yet)

I have bad timing with almost everything I say this is a just a long example
#16
Quote by 6DgOfInTb
In English, somehow we got to talking about peoples' roles in our life...My teacher picked the wrong person to ask her question to. She goes "Joe (me), if you had a wife, would you rather her be cooking or vacuuming?"

I said, before I had a chance to stop myself, "Cooking. Women should always be in the kitchen."
This was a class of like 23 girls and 4 guys. One of the guys said quietly "That's like saying n*gger in a room full of black kids"


#17
In my English class we were talking about abortions. And someone said "OMG abortions are so wrong," and then I whispered to my friend, "wrong, but they're still delicious." When I said that the whole class went quiet and my teacher wanted me to go to the counselors.
Quote by LPDave
and my mom then told me to masturbate more.

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Big burly men grunting without shirts on pretty much summed up my childhood.

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Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do more look like?
#18
In Biology the other day we were watching a video about flatworms mating ritual called "Penis Fencing"(Google it) During the fencing I said "That looks like a hard job to do."

It was still funny though.

-TheOneAndOnlyIsaac

I-I

I----------------I

TheOneAndOnlyIsaac

#19
I accidently/indirectly called a chick fat.

I meant to say tall, but I said big, she took it as fat.

Too bad, I was thinking about asking her out. But apparently she was warned to stop flirting with me by a co-worker cus another guy they liked more than me liked her. Even though she had no interest in him. Very strange.
#20
I do it all the time, but I can't think of anything right now...

but the other day I was in walmart going to get some speaker wire, and as was walkin by some woman asks her husband, "do we need any brown sugar?" and he says, "Oh yea, I want me some brown sugar, I like brown sugar." and then a black woman walks by and he's like "oh, I'm sorry." and she just ignores him and keeps walking... it was all I could do to keep from laughing...

and then when I was telling my friend at work about it he asks, "was it an old black woman?" and right then a black woman walked by lol
#21
Back in 5th grade i got in a silly little aurguement and when i saw that i lost i said to the girl, "oh yeah, well your parents don't love you." Turns out her parents were abusive and she lived in an orphanage for 2 years before being adopted. yeah i kinda blew it with her. to this day she says, "creep." when she passes me in hallways.
#22
I was just joking around with my friend one day (who's white) and said in deep low southern accent "Pick that cotton, Boy!" Little did I know that there was a black guy not 2 feet away from me who prolly heard that. I think he just pretended not to hear it, which i'm glad he did.

Q#m
e|--6--|
B|--5--|
G|--7--|
D|--7--|x2586
A|--5--|
E|-----|


Play until she breaks up with you.

The most brutal band to ever exist is...

You should go like them...even if you don't like them.


-Sloppyjoe24
#24
A few weeks ago in the halls at school my friend loren walks past me and i yell fagot at her

no big deal right?

I turn around.. shes walking with one of her gay friends who by now is glareing at me...

my response is "o not you dominic i was talking to loren."
A fetus a day keep the doctor away.

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#25
Quote by The4thHorsemen
damn bendystraw... that's awful.... is she hot? cuz then it's even worse.

yeah. we have a lot in common. she even plays in all the school band functions
#26
Quote by sloppyjoe24
I was just joking around with my friend one day (who's white) and said in deep low southern accent "Pick that cotton, Boy!" Little did I know that there was a black guy not 2 feet away from me who prolly heard that. I think he just pretended not to hear it, which i'm glad he did.



and you are DAMN pasty....

Quote by WickedBeast666
Noooooooooooo how could this be! he at all the chocolate in the box
Oh well, now the empty shell of what used to be chocolaty goodness can contain a tasty guitar circuit.


speaking of my homemade pedal
#27
Quote by guylee
SO i was sitting in school today and I realized that i put my foot in my mouth almost every day. Here are a few examples:

I once heard a mormon girl talking about the "second coming" and made a sex joke. Apparently, that's inappropriate.

I told a jewish girl she was a Nazi.

And FTW:
I once made a joke about my history teacher having a small penis right to his face. Oops.

Anyway, i got to thinking and realized that the Pit MUST have some amazing foot-in-mouth stories, so let's hear em!


...
...



I love you.
#28
Quote by fosho
and you are DAMN pasty....




<<<and now I'm DAMN blue.

yeah, that's the diffuse glow on photoshop for ya.

Q#m
e|--6--|
B|--5--|
G|--7--|
D|--7--|x2586
A|--5--|
E|-----|


Play until she breaks up with you.

The most brutal band to ever exist is...

You should go like them...even if you don't like them.


-Sloppyjoe24
#30
this is my curse in life...

on the bus i accidentally yelled jehovah knowing full well the bus driver was one and i was at the gym doing step aerobics for the second or third time and was being uncoordinated and couldn't stop saying i was handicapped when there was actually some mentally challenged people participating that day!

i felt horrible both times
#32
Quote by The4thHorsemen
bendystraw, have you ever tried to apologize/make amends?

i have tried but her friends always pick up on some scent and swarm in to shoo me away. so i don't do "any more damages." makes me feel like a jerk
#33
i was in science class with this one chick who a couple weeks before had been hospilitalized for her anorexia. we were building this little roller coaster for a marble to go through and she commented on one of the loops being too big for the marble to make it through. without thinking at all about what i was saying or who i was saying it to, i said "you're too big". i think she pretended not to hear though, which is good.
If man is 5, if man is 5, if man is 5,
then the Devil is 6, then the Devil is 6, then the Devil is 6, the Devil is 6,
And if the Devil is 6,

then God is 7, then God is 7, then God is 7
This monkey's gone to heaven.
#34
My family was at the morgue, and the hairdresser got done and she said: "Kathy would die if she knew how much hairspray I used." Needless to say, we didn't find it funny...Kathy was the lady that had just died.


Back in high school I was in debate class, and some girl told me to get a haircut, to which I replied, "Your adopted, your parents don't even love you." She started crying and ran to the bathroom. I was then informed that she was, indeed, adopted.
~The Gear~
Schecter Hellraiser
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Mesa Single Rectifier
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ADA-MP1
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Last edited by TheAmishOne at Feb 8, 2008,
#35
Quote by shut_up_n00b
In my English class we were talking about abortions. And someone said "OMG abortions are so wrong," and then I whispered to my friend, "wrong, but they're still delicious." When I said that the whole class went quiet and my teacher wanted me to go to the counselors.


yet another pour soul destroyed by the pit.
#36
Quote by TheAmishOne
My family was at the morgue, and the hairdresser got done and she said: "Kathy would die if she knew how much hairspray I used." Needless to say, we didn't find it funny.

Who was Kathy, you didn't say that, and use commas instead of these guys( when quoting.
#37
Kathy was the dead lady.
~The Gear~
Schecter Hellraiser
Ibanez RG 550
Mesa Single Rectifier
Marshall 1960 4x12
VHT Two/Fifty/Two
ADA-MP1
Eventide Eclipse
#38
Quote by The4thHorsemen
I do it all the time, but I can't think of anything right now...

but the other day I was in walmart going to get some speaker wire, and as was walkin by some woman asks her husband, "do we need any brown sugar?" and he says, "Oh yea, I want me some brown sugar, I like brown sugar." and then a black woman walks by and he's like "oh, I'm sorry." and she just ignores him and keeps walking... it was all I could do to keep from laughing...

and then when I was telling my friend at work about it he asks, "was it an old black woman?" and right then a black woman walked by lol

I like how he thought he needed to apologize. Even though he was kidding around with a mildly racist term (and not even very racist), apologizing makes it seem like you think the person is so sensitive and can't control their emotions or are already jumping to the conclusion that you are a racist. BAH politically correctness can suck most times.
Quote by Douche ©
I may not be cool off the internet, but on the internet I am pretty cool.

Aww

The Pit Cliff Notes:
Quote by SOADfreak6
myabe we all suck thats why were sitting at a computer desk talking **** thro the enternet lol


If not all of us, at least him.

<//////>~
#39
I once gave my diabetic GF chocolate.

Said "Your Mom!" to a dude whose mom literally died 4 days before.


I have alot more but those ones stick out the most.
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Peavey Valveking 112
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#40
one time me and my mate were at hungry jacks, they have those self serve drink things, and my mate was pouring all of them into his cup, to make some kind of mix.

anyways, he puts in heaps of coke (there are 2 coke ones, one at the end, one at the start), and then moves onto the other ones, he gets to the last one just as the girl before him starts getting coke from the first one.

he starts pouring coke into the thing and i said "pfft, like you need ANYMORE coke"

the girl thought i meant her :/