#1
I wrote this for Creative Writing. Final is due Tuesday.
(update: I changed a tad, and threw in some punctuation.)

She drew me out of the shade,
It required no effort from her
petite yet voluptuous frame.

Seemingly without cause,
slowly at first.
Questions, she inquired of me.

I helped her with her work,
she provided fellowship.
There was no fellowship in the shade.

She shared stories with me;
past and present, I said little,
that's what she needed,
I see that now.

I had little and said little;
I thought that's all I had,
but more came with increasing interest,
compound interest, compound gift.

I didn't stay in the shade anymore;
I roamed the savanna, relating across the veldt.

She thought she owed me,
I thought I owed her.
I loved her.
She continued to share,
but now I ostentatiously directed.

She wanted me to get out there;
until I was,
then she got jealous.
She wanted me to stay the same,
liking who I was.
I didn't like who I was.

It was infatuation, not love.
I see that now,
a while from then.
But now I see another.
Is she trying to draw me out?
She shares stories with me;
past and present,
I say enough.
Last edited by therealdrag0 at Feb 11, 2008,
#2
I love how you used words like "voluptuous" that add to the idea of your infatuation instead of love. I also like the concept of hating your mirror image ( I might be a little over-analyzing there) and of copying as the greatest form of flattery.

A couple of things...


"I helped her with her work
she helped me with my fellowship
There was no fellowship in the shade"

It took me until the middle of the poem to figure that one out. I don't think "fellowship" is really the word that you should be using, since the definition and mental picture of that word seems more attributed to a different sort of friendship. I can't think of a better word for it off the top of my head, though. Maybe Webster's can.

Then the last bit.


"But now I see another
is she trying to drawing me out?
She shares stories with me
past and present, I say enough"

Just a formatting thing. I think it would look better as

But now I see another
is she trying to drawing me out?
She shares stories with me
past and present.
I say enough.

That's just me though.


Cool beans!
So good to see you once again.
I thought that you were hiding.
And you thought that I had run away.
Chasing the tail of dogma.
I opened my eye and there we were .