#1
So I was typing this out earlier(the passage in " "), and thought I'd ask for help from the pit. There are "notes" in () for some understanding, so to speak. This has been going on for about 6 months. At some points the pain and shaking have hit points in which I would have to leave school because of how severe it is.

" This is to any who care, or to any who would listen. Or may by this is to myself... to rationalize everything. I don't know, and I don't care.
I am unable to feel...anything. Every emotion I know that I'm feeling... is transfered into physical pain and anxiety, leaving me feeling numb.(Girlfriend of 7 months broke up with me; lonely and betrayed--> Lonely, betrayed, frustrated, sad, tired, all just pain. I've bottled up and hid everything for so long... I'm just letting it out in the form of shaking, twitching, aching, and insomnia.
I'm typing this out at 1:44 A.M. because I can't sleep. I've forgotten how to express myself. And I'm losing control of everything because of it. I've lost what made music special to me.(In 4 ensembles at school--> I play my instruments, and it's just... routine. There is no emotion, no expression, just mechanics. And it scares me to play something and feel absolutely nothing. I play a riff, and when I hit the climax of it... nothing.
I've got no idea what to do. I can't release these emotions because I don't trust anyone to help me get back on my feet. Until I can, everyday will just be going through the motions, until I can't function all together. If you don't know how to feel things, is anything worth doing?
I need help..."
To those who say I'm "emo": F**k off. To those who give advice, I say thank you.

EDIT: the breakup is irrelevant. this has been going on for months. The biggest thing is that I need to know how to ALLOW my self to feel and express these emotions, not what are causing them.
'89 MIJ Fender Strat
Rivera S-120
'60s PEPCO Model 211 5w head
'60s Paul (Pepco) 1x12 tube amp
'60s Harmony H303a 1x10 tube amp
Last edited by theacousticpunk at Feb 10, 2008,
#3
Find new music to listen to?....Maybe you should play anything for a while, you might need a break...
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brot pls
#4
Just take it day by day man. It'll be like a rollercoaster until you get over all of it. Good luck to you though, tough it out and stick it out.
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#5
It's not what I play (I play a lot shred, blues, and jazz [weird I know, but lots of improv.]), and it's not just music, it's everyday life
'89 MIJ Fender Strat
Rivera S-120
'60s PEPCO Model 211 5w head
'60s Paul (Pepco) 1x12 tube amp
'60s Harmony H303a 1x10 tube amp
#6
im sure things will pick up, for the music thing just try playing something you've never tried to do. and for the pain thing, rough patches come and go, the best thing to do is just sit back and accept that its out of your control there is nothing you can do about it, once that is realized you should feel fine. just try doing new things sometime things in life get really tedious and you need to mix it up a bit, go do something different.
#7
with 4 ensembles, its a combination of stress, that supression of musical creativity (I'm not denouncing school music programs, it's education, not an art), and a heavy break up, maybe drop the ensembles and go solo or find a band to more freely vent emotions.
#8
No, it's not emotional pain, it's literal physical pain. On top of mild arthitis, it becomes unbearable. And it's not just sadness, its any kind of emotion.
'89 MIJ Fender Strat
Rivera S-120
'60s PEPCO Model 211 5w head
'60s Paul (Pepco) 1x12 tube amp
'60s Harmony H303a 1x10 tube amp
#9
obviously your depression from the breakup has caused you to think everything you once enjoyed is irrelevant. until you release your grief, anger, and sadness from the relationship, you'll feel distant, numb, and confused.

you need to let your emotions out in one way or another. if you haven't cried about the breakup, you should probably do so. if you can't, just watch a bunch of sad movies or something. now, i advise you not to do the things that you feel you can't enjoy at this point in time, as you'll just be forcing yourself to do them when you are in no state to. take a break from everything, and think about a lot of stuff. think about the relationship, what you hate at the moment, what you wish was and wasn't, and what you want to do. hopefully you'll come up with some conclusions and release some emotions/tensions.

don't worry about not having anyone to confide in; most people don't have anyone to help them in these sorts of situations, as it feels uncomfortable talking about these things with friends and family members. don't worry however, as these things pass.
#11
Okay, mayby I didn't voice this clearly: this has been going on for months, the breakup was 3 days ago, I put it there to explain the feelings of loneliness and betrayal. as for the ensembles, I enjoy them, and I play music I enjoy in all of them (jazz, classical, and broadway stuff).

sorry if I sound like an a$$, I'm just trying to get a point across
'89 MIJ Fender Strat
Rivera S-120
'60s PEPCO Model 211 5w head
'60s Paul (Pepco) 1x12 tube amp
'60s Harmony H303a 1x10 tube amp
#13
Quote by akack
You're either in grief or clinical depression. You're not emo. Go see a shrink.

+1
Telecaster - SG - Jaguar
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#14
I'll answer you through song.

Sublime - Burritos


I don't wanna go and party
I don't wanna shoot the pier
I don't wanna take the doggie out for a walk
I don't wanna look at naked chicks and drink beer
I don't wanna do a bong load and go and wrench on the car
I don't wanna go and hose the dog**** down
Cause i ain't even gonna get out of bed
Keep on skankin' ronnie skank the night away
But the time is comin' for us all to pay
I don't wanna watch no porno
I don't wanna play guitar
I don't wanna spank the monkey
I don't wanna go down to the corner bar
Ain't even got to listen to all the stupid **** you got to say
I don't wanna do a god damn thing
I ain't gonna make my bed today
I don't wanna eat burritos or read about o.j.
Ain't gonna get a head rush cause i ain't gettin out of bed today
#15
dude just sit back relax and listen to metal man just let the music take your soul
THE KREATOR OF THE ALL METAL AND KERRY KING GROUP PM ME TO JOIN
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RIP Charles Michael "Chuck" Schuldiner THE FATHER OF DEATH METAL
GOD HATES US ALL-SLAYER
#16
sounds like the show dexter to me. If you want to know why you are writing this it is because you are looking for attention. Since when did pain and anxiety feel numb? If You are trying to write music with this, don't the world has enough. I have never seen so much irony. Why do you think one of the first things you said was, "I'm not emo?" Why would you say what time it is. Does 1:44 AM mean that its really bad. You don't need anybody to help you, "get up." Using others to help you stand is what got you in this pathetic situation in the first place. There is not another emotion that feels more alive than pain. Hurt sucks, and everyone knows that. So as far as not feeling alive goes, not true. You said it yourself. Anxiety is a feeling too. I think somebody lost there V card and then got dumped. Don't worry, you play guitar, you'll get more pu**y. The best part of life, and the only reason for it, is feeling emotions. So since you are feeling all this ****, goood! I hope you get a mouth full. I love being jealous, angry, happy, sad, horny, it all rocks. You just gotta keep it all in moderation, and it sounds to me that you have been having too much happiness with that tight highschool pu**y and guitar. So you were due on the depressing department. As far as the music goes. Don't play because yo have to ever, or you might as well play football because your dad wants you to instead of being a band geek. Since you were obviously doing this for attention. The best help would be to not saay anything, but the other Douche bags ruined that idea , so you win. Peace
#17
to Nike-Man: You completely misunderstood the post. I feel emotionally numb, not physically. And I never said I didn't feel alive, just 'mechanical'. I DON'T feel sad, angry, etc. and THAT is where the problem lies. I haven't let myself express or feel any negative emotions for so long, my head is trying to release it in any way possible: physical stress/anxiety and pain. This isn't for attention, it is for legitimate help. Read next time.
'89 MIJ Fender Strat
Rivera S-120
'60s PEPCO Model 211 5w head
'60s Paul (Pepco) 1x12 tube amp
'60s Harmony H303a 1x10 tube amp
Last edited by theacousticpunk at Feb 10, 2008,
#18
Nike Man you're a stooge.
Oh dear god, I dont feel alive.
I have a new blog, of the interesting type.

In so far i have seen,

1. The Darkness
2. Wolfmother
3. The Grates
4. Faker
5. Kings of Leon
6. Coheed and Cambria
7. Architecture in Helsinki

and counting.
#19
I was not talking about physical pain. Also I am pretty sure that I told you that you have not felt anything bad in a while, and thats why you were, "due." So I'm gonna have to tell you also that you did not read or comprehend. I included quotes also just so you couldn't say I made it up. Don't think I am a hypocrite either because of me being bias. I tried to write just as much funny/help stuff, as the negative because not only do you want advice, you need a boot in the ass to get started. Just keepin it symmetrical, moderation, deja vu
#20
not exactly in the mood for comedic and/or sarcastic comments. it gets a tad serious when it affects your ability to function
'89 MIJ Fender Strat
Rivera S-120
'60s PEPCO Model 211 5w head
'60s Paul (Pepco) 1x12 tube amp
'60s Harmony H303a 1x10 tube amp
#21
Quote by akack
You're either in grief or clinical depression. You're not emo. Go see a shrink.


i second that motion

i suggest you play some sport to keep your mind off stuff. and yes, you are not emo
Member 2 of I Dont Masturbate Club....Pm X-boy To Join

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#22
I can really relate to that. I'm sorry you feel that way dude. The total blunting of emotion is hell. I'd felt that way for a few years. There'd be times when it felt like I was observing another person in my own body, and even though I knew intellectually I should be happy/sad/euphoric/angry/whatever, I never really felt it. What helped with me is that I would just find what's left that I could feel, and work with that. It turned out to be aggression, so I began to listen to lots of thrash metal and death metal. From there, I realized what my problems were (I'm not going to waste everyone's time listing them out, besides, I'm only suggesting what you could try and do.) Also, it helps to spend time with a person that loves you, especially unconditionally, even if it's just a pet, because that really helps 'relearning' positive emotions.

And seriously man, talk with a psychologist. Now I know that has the connotations of being crazy or whatever, but trust me, it works. Good luck with everything.