#1
I figured, it would start off with a slow, or steady palm mute. Let me know what you think, I wrote this song based off of a personal experience, but thats besides the point, anyways give me any tips,help,pointers,addition,critique and constructive criticism you have for me, just don't be a prick lol...

As we walk down
This dark path tonight
You grab my hand
I hold yours tight
When we reach our destination
Under the bright stars and moon lit sky

My back against the wall
While my chest meets yours
As I feel my heart race
and my heart might just burst
When our lips touched that night
On April twenty-first

You were the best thing I ever had


I stopped here and I wanted to see what people thought of it so far, so let me know if you think I could make something of it. Thanks and I will Crit for Crit.
My Gear:
Ibanez Gax 70 Gio electric guitar cherry red color
Epiphone PR-150 Acoustic guitar sunburst color
Crate MX10, 10 watt amplifier
Boss DS-1 Distortion effects pedal
Dunlop GCB95 Original Crybaby Wah Pedal
Allergic
C4C please
#2
even tho i havent found anything wrong w/ it u should type it up in microsoft word or whatever u have if its a mac n use thesaurus cuz that shyt rulz
Quote by aig91
"It doesn't get much beter than that! Ok, maybe a free ibanez guitar and marshall half-stack in perfect condition would be better, but free pancakes comes right behind that"

Quote by neptune1988
"My tone should be like me........FAT! "
#3
A lot of it is just physical description. To make a good song it has be able to relate to others, and the chances that somebody else did that same stuff is slim. Throw some symbolism in it. Get creative. Pick a word and try and see how it could represent something larger. . . . Not your pen** though something else.

I feel like its supposed to be a nice song, but the dark path seems like some foreshadowing, so I might be wrong. I need the whole thing
#5
Quote by Nike-Man
A lot of it is just physical description. To make a good song it has be able to relate to others, and the chances that somebody else did that same stuff is slim. Throw some symbolism in it. Get creative. Pick a word and try and see how it could represent something larger. . . . Not your pen** though something else.

I feel like its supposed to be a nice song, but the dark path seems like some foreshadowing, so I might be wrong. I need the whole thing


I understand where your coming from with it being a physical description and that no one else has this same expirence, I didn't look at it that way, but thats what all you people are for right, point out my flaws haha, thanks I see what your saying though.
My Gear:
Ibanez Gax 70 Gio electric guitar cherry red color
Epiphone PR-150 Acoustic guitar sunburst color
Crate MX10, 10 watt amplifier
Boss DS-1 Distortion effects pedal
Dunlop GCB95 Original Crybaby Wah Pedal
Allergic
C4C please