#1
I was trying to study, and as I couldn't do anything to concentrate, I decided I would write about my situation.

It hasn't got a title yet though.

Thanks for reading

By the way, you really have to feel really bored to see what I mean


Now I'm here,
trying to focus on my reading.
I've got a problem, and severe,
I just feel like ****** skiing.

I can see palm trees,
I wonder if they ever grow up pears,
my friend beside me feels bored too,
I ask him what he'd wanna do.

He's playing rhythm patterns
and now my mobile phone rings.
He talks about this method called Ghauss
I'm sorry, ooooh
I just.... don't
I just don't give a shiittt

Oh boredom!
What a sensation!
It makes you feel somewhat dumb
and play hide'n'seek with your left and right thumbs

Suddenly, there is this black and white bird,
and I name it "Charles the III"
but he no longer is there,
he has flown away,
that bird is gay.

Boredom!
Yeeeeah yeaaaah
The valley of sensations!


*to be edited :P

So what?
#2
that bird is gay

lol good line
Quote by Lord-O-Donuts
'Nine out of ten people actually enjoy gang rape.'
#3
Quote by nightraven
i enjoyed reading this, i wouldn't say these are top-notch lyrics but they're great for some provocative song

but yeah, please crit my poem
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=783699

thanks, Nick.



Okay thanks

All the lyrics I've done are in the key of Humour Major, so it's basically what I come up with

Checking yours now, Nightraven.

Oh by the way! Ghauss, it's not meant to be the maths thing, but a method to follow in discos.
Last edited by Deagle-Eyes at Feb 10, 2008,
#4
i liked it. a few cliche rhymes, but not too bad. easy to relate to. ive definately felt that way before. i hope it didnt take you too long to write this so you still had some time to study lol. good song. id definately listen to it.

crit mine? its called oblivion. just search it. i like the "that bird is gay" line too. it made me laugh. you've got a good start, just a few minor changes that were already pointed out by nightraven.
#5
This was not a bad piece of work really. It definitely reminded me of "Longview" by Green Day, ex. just the bored elements present. Sorry for this half assed crit, but I don't have anything I want you to look at right now, or I would've made a page long, broken down crit.

Mark
#6
Quote by XxGibsonSGxX
This was not a bad piece of work really. It definitely reminded me of "Longview" by Green Day, ex. just the bored elements present. Sorry for this half assed crit, but I don't have anything I want you to look at right now, or I would've made a page long, broken down crit.

Mark


I never stopped to read the lyrics of Longview, but now I will

Thanks!

Edit: Actually; i remember the first lines, and yeah !
Last edited by Deagle-Eyes at Feb 11, 2008,