#1
I'm sorry if it's not good, it's the first song I wrote since I started songwriting (half a year ago), and I'm only 15, And I'm from Belgium, so I'm not awesome in English.

You can't deny
-Cause you were there too
the day I decided to go-
You said that you'd miss me
Yeah, do you still know?
Days they passed
And I was broken
How could you've left me for what I was*
You said that you loved me
I guess that that's passed

(chorus)
Why have you broke my heart
Why did you have to break me apart
I'm not perfect but neither are you
Everything's messed up because of you

In just one day
You didn't talk to me anymore
And I did not understand
Have I done something terrible before
I didn't know what was going on
I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep
Are you happy now?

(chorus)

And I know that things will not be the same from now on
But I am still dying because you are gone

(chorus)x2


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*That verse was literally translated from a dutch expression so I really don't know if it's right. :]


grts Darleen
#2
its okay they verse you translated doesnt make sense though but the message is there and easy to understand, actullay it reminds me of what happened between me and my ex a couple weeks ago
#3
I dunno it's like ur telling some kind of story...not really a song
I don't get the message,but normaly people don't use retoric questions in their lyrics....so that's kinda cool
Ibanez RGA 8 (Dimarzio D Activator 8)->Rocktron Hush->Engl E530 preamp->Marshall 9200 poweramp->Marshall 4x12 closed back cab w/ G12t75's
#4
It was pretty cliché in a lot of parts, maybe try using simple techniques (metaphors, imagery, etc) and incorporate them into your writing as much as you can.

Good luck
#5
Quote by K!nj!
normaly people don't use retoric questions in their lyrics


actullay in country/bluegrass music they use them quite a bit
#6
How do you know when something's cliché?
Is "Why did you have to break it all down" (instead of "Why have you broke my heart") cliché? Or is it the "Why" that makes it cliché? Or is it something else? xD
#8
i thought it was pretty good. couple grammer mistakes but that's to expect from a person who's not too familiar with the language. its good cause a lot of people can relate to it. i know i can. that literally just happened with me and my ex about four days ago. it might be a little cliche, but basically every love song ever written is. i wouldnt change too much, just work on the grammer and word choice.

crit mine? its called oblivion. just search it. great song. i really enjoyed it.