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#1
Well, for a start, my life has really taken a turn since my 15th birthday. It all started when my mom, whom I've always been closer to, left the country for a few weeks to take care of my grandmother. My dad became really hot-tempered, which led to many unnecessary arguments, which ultimately led to me leaving home until my mom came back. A month or two later, I got kicked out of home in the heat of the moment during an argument at home, which resulted in me sleeping in the airport and crashing at friends' homes for a week or 2.

My relationship started falling apart right around this time. This was the girl who taught me how to love. Half a year, and a simple text from her ended it all. I think of her as the last wall between my sanity and the ultimate destruction of myself, which eventually even the bonds of love succumbed to. It's been 8 months since she ended it, I've been in a failed relationship since then, but every day, every day, I think of her. I know I'm still in love with her, and although everyone around me thinks its pathetic, I'm not afraid to hide it.

Then in summer, I was arrested for possession of weed. Here, the drug laws are very strict, and the school found out. My parents pretty much gave up on me then. In school, word got out and eventually it got to the point where I'd get stares just walking down the corridor. (My school is full of underexposed mommy's boys who'd shy away from you if they found out you stayed out later than 8PM.) Pretty much the only people I had to turn to were friends in other schools, who I only saw pretty much on the weekends.

At the end of the summer, it just got too much for me to handle. On a night out with the boys, I ended up drinking too much and I made the mistake of taking out an old picture of my ex and me. Ended up with me trying to jump off the roof of my friend's apartment building. I was wrestled down by 2 friends who then proceeded to beat some sense into me, for "my own good". It was here that my parents realised that I needed them, and since then, we've been working on rebuilding the relationship.

After this, it seemed like it was getting better. I was beginning to take notice of other girls, and I was thinking about my ex less. She had moved to Indonesia because of her dad's job, and from what I heard, she wasn't too keen on being friends with me after the relationship. I didn't let that affect me. Finally, life was beginning to look up for me. I was meeting new people, experiencing new things, and I actually felt happy.

Fast forward to three days ago. On my way to meet a group of friends, I bump into my ex. She's with her best friend, whom I'm pretty well acquainted with, and what seems to be her boyfriend. I try to look away and keep walking, but her best friend stops me to say hi. She keeps on walking. After a brief exchange of words, I come to find that she's back on holiday and she brought her boyfriend with her.

After this, this feeling came over me. Indescribable. All the old memories just came back to me, and I just began to lose control. I thought drinking would help me get my spirits up, even if it was for a short period of time, but I just ended up walking all around the island until 5 in the morning with tears in my eyes.

Last night, I made another attempt to forget my troubles with another night out on the town with the boys. Except this time it ended up with me on top of a bridge over a busy road, crying my eyes out and threatening to jump. (I do not remember this part, but this is according to my best friend, who was with me at the time.) According to my best friend and confidante, I was calling people and saying sorry to them for all my wrongdoings in the past. Eventually, someone called my father who came. He and my best friend pulled me off the bridge, and let me calm down before putting me to sleep in the car.

Here I am now; at 3AM, I should be asleep, getting ready for school tomorrow. But yet, this inexplicable feeling is tormenting me - confusion, lostness, vulnerability, longing, fragility. No matter how hard I try to clear my mind and think straight, memories of what we had between us, my ex and me, keep flooding back. On one hand, I want to keep remembering these moments, but on the other hand, I begin to cry just thinking of them. I feel like I've lost my friends, my family. I feel like I've lost myself. Everyone around me tells me not to give up - my father thinks I need help; but I just don't know what to do anymore.

I'm really sorry I had to post this here, and I don't expect anyone to read this; in fact I don't expect anyone to take this seriously but I just had to get it out.

I've lost myself.
#3
You really need your friends and your family. Try to be with them, and I know it doesn't sound like the best option, but stop getting drunk. You do crazy things when you're drunk, and one of them might end up being the wrong one.
#4
you think im going to read all of that?!

edit: i read.... that's effed man.... just try and get it all back together, even tho that seems the hardest thing to do
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Last edited by lexaah at Feb 10, 2008,
#8
Lol never post stuf like that in the pit, its an invitation for all things flame
D-U-F-R-A-I-S


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WRONG.

The only reason it exists is because drugs get people fucked up, and people love getting fucked up.

#9
you're pathetic...
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My wife plays my guitars fine, but my girlfriend has smaller hands, and she wants to learn how to play.
#10
You really shouldn't have posted in the Pit if you're looking for sympathy...
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#11
I scanned it.

I'm pretty sure you're being ultra self pitying and blaming all your problems on others

Take some responsibility
#12
Don't argue with your parents no matter how right you are.
Don't drink if you can't handle it.
Don't try to hang on to relationships that didn't work.
Stop letting little things get to you. It could be much worst.

And for those who didn't read it: Don't post. Why would he care if didn't read it or not? keep it to yourself.
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You'll Never Walk Alone
#13
dude yall stop flaming he needs help besides dude gets get straight i meen just keep you murdertrain in the tracks
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#14
life is about more than some chick and she lives in indonesia so sorry pal its not working out. seek out therapy itd do you some good
#17
Quote by pnblwzrd
I have a feeling you may be bi-polar. Honestly, you should go into counseling.

It's called alcohol intolerance.
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You'll Never Walk Alone
#19
The guy tries to kill himself twice, and all you guys say is "stop being a pussy"?

That's going to help him tremendously.
#20
ya be with your friends and family as much as possible and no booze, no weed. definately no weed
#22
I read it all,
try to find somebody to talk with, or write your feelings down. and being drunk isn't a solution for your problems.

I'm really sory for you
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#23
1. Quit being a little pansy and don't jump off things of high elevation.
2. You are still very young, there will be many more girls to come.
3. Holding on to the past and crying about unfortunate experiences makes you a baby. Forget the past. Live for the present and plan for the future.
4. Talk to your parents, a heart to heart conversation and explain everything. Same with your friends. There's nothing a solid conversation cannot solve.
5. Screw that girl. She doesn't want you, why would you ever want her? You deserve better.
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#24
I read it all.

Sounds like you aren't living for yourself. Who gives a **** if your hideous ex girlfriend has a new man? Her loss. If there is just one noble truth in the world it's that there is always a more attractive woman out there.
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#25
hey dude i read it all... what u gotta realise though... is that shes not worth it... if shes treating you like that shes not even worth bein ur gf... ur better than her. if anything its her loss . keep thinking that... cos its the truth.
oh n stop drinking.. and instead of letting your dad think that you need "help".. talk to him. and your mum.. and tell them exactly what you just wrote to the pit.

its only temporary... it'll pass.. just try to enjoy life dude.
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#27
I don't understand how you will not take the advice from ones that you know and love who also love you as well, but you resort to posing your situation to individuals who, for the most part, probably have no significant problem more than what they are going to eat for supper. If you really want advice, anything that you are thinking about now will probably change drastically in the coming years. After a few years have passed, I think you will look back and question as to why you were even contemplating thoughts of suicide (if that is in fact you are implying)

As well, if you're in your teens, you really have no concept of a true relationship and the word "love" gets thrown around too often that most teens have lost the concept of what that means. Infatuation is more like it but then again, you may have been in love but think of it this way, there are over 6 billion people in the world and you are going to worry yourself what such a small number of people think/do?

Think about it
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#29
Quote by kidsilcon
It's called alcohol intolerance.

No it's clearly some kind of mental instability. Most people who drink don't close the night with some good old attempt suicide .
#31
call her, tell her how you feel
Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds.
#33
Teenage relationships are so stupid. You will break up with them eventually. Just try to have fun in your life and realize that you are not special in what you are going through. Almost every kid in every part of the world has had to deal with similair things. And stop drinking or smoking. Thats like putting a bandaid over a avulsion. Deal with the root of the problem, not the symptoms.
I'll be your number one with a bullet.
#34
Quote by bikerboyjosh
call her, tell her how you feel


The last thing he needs to do is think about her again. She doesn't like him. Read about the part where he is in Hong Kong and she is in Indonesia. Cross country relationships usually end in phail, and with 15 year olds, it will be uberphail.

He needs to move on and find another girl.

HEAR THAT??? MOVE ON!
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#35
what iv'e to say acording the whole story.
and what others said.
stop drinking!
you can't solve your problems with that.. thats ignoring them.. and that doens't help.
it makes it worse..


i know exectly how you feel.
my relation also ended up like that.. and i feel abandon'd.
and still it hunts me trough the day... or in my dreams.

but.. you have to let go.
and maybe you have the feeling you can't do that without her?
then what someone else also said... try talking it out with her.
i don't have that option... you do i hope.. take it.

and maybe go in to therapy..
iv'e had it to (involving other things)
and it's not so bad.. if you really feel so down and depressed.. you want it to stop right?
then.. get your face out your hands.. and start fighting for yourself!
seek help...

it realy helps.
Kitto onaji koto wo kurikaesh.ite anata wo
#36
Quote by pnblwzrd
No it's clearly some kind of mental instability. Most people who drink don't close the night with some good old attempt suicide .

Yes they do. Infact, 67% of all suicides are under the influence.


Wait your 15? You're very young, move on.
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You'll Never Walk Alone
#37
I'm 17.

It may be love, it may not, but let me just say this.

This inexplicable feeling, part psychological, yet partly physical came over me when I realised I loved her. It came to me through something seemingly routine - I was lying in bed thinking of her, looking at our photos.

The first time I tried to jump, I burnt part of the photo in an attempt to erase her from my memories but to no avail. That was when I accepted the fact that I still had feelings for her.

To this very day, whenever I look at the photo, the same feeling overcomes me. I wish I had the option to talk to her about it, but from what I've heard, she does not want to talk to me at all. I was a bit of an asshole to her towards the end of the relationship; I vented all my frustrations due to other events concerning my family and academical life on her. I don't blame her for not wanting to talk to me.

You guys don't need to reply if you don't want to. I just really needed to get this out before another impending breakdown.

iron_maiden_571: Call me a pussy; in fact, call me whatever you want. Laugh at this if you must, but I strongly believe that a real man will in no way try to mask his emotions, be it for the sake of proving his masculinity or another reason.
#38

strongly believe that a real man will in no way try to mask his emotions, be it for the sake of proving his masculinity or another reason.


Don't mask them.

Control them.

Cut all contact with her, erase all evidence of her
#40
if you're ex doesn't want to talk to you.
there's not much you can do about it.

maybe it's better.
just try not to be busy with her in your head (don't take that the wrong way xD)
push al feelings of her aside. and try to distract yourselff.. or call someone.
talk to your parents.

or maybe write her a letter.
and if you're ready... send it to her..
or just write it on paper and then hide it.. or burn it whatever works.
maybe you have the feeling that when it is on paper.. it's out of your head.. and imagine it is to her...

just try make things work for yoursellf.
life is what you make of it... try to fix what bothers you.. and seek advice and help by friends or family.
Kitto onaji koto wo kurikaesh.ite anata wo
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