#1
My Desire

I remember a time girl
When this world was grand
Just you and me girl
And the special times that we had
So would you revive this heart?
Maybe take it back to the start
When there was no pain
And I had everything to gain

On the river that leads to your love
Floats the bodies of many a one
Who were captured by your charms
And who have fallen trying to get into your arms
So sit now dear upon your throne
For you are the only one
And if you give me a chance dear
I will hold you close with fear

CHORUS
It could be just you and me
In this world of misery
You are my water in this world of fire
You are my desire

It would be nice to be free
Free to roam in your love
Because your love floats in your arms
And paradise is close to your heart
The summer is gone away love
And here comes the golden leaves
And dough this wind is strong love
Would you walk with me?

CHORUS
It could be just you and me
In this world of misery
You are my water in this world of fire
You are my desire
#2
actually i'm gonna correct myself, it's very life relating to just about anybody. sorry. it's constructed ok but some lines shouldn't be where they are. my first impression was good, but i re-evaluated it.
Last edited by metalclash22 at Feb 11, 2008,
#3
Heady Chorus. I would suggest trying to develop the second and third verses a bit more in attempts to say something a little different from teh first. Good ideas and imagery though.
#4
The chorus is a real cliche, but the rest seems pretty good, with nice imagery etc.