#1
In this serene glistening stream
I saw the refection of my loves dream
Floating on the surface ever so pristine
I dipped my hand into the water in hopes to catch it sleeping

It slipped through my fingers
And to the bottom where it lingered
No longer then could I see
The droplets of you,
Rippling right through me


Twisted invented
Mental visions of the demented
I’ve seen within these moments \
my future self committed


I cannot stop \
These moments from being caught\
I wish I could see
The purpose of my thoughts.

Existing within,
These moments I intend
I cannot say what the message was
The message I meant to send

So I Stand outside,
This instance I create in time
Bend with pride,
The matters of my mind.

And If you cannot hear
The words I speak divine
You cannot read the message,
The thoughts I leave behind

So where I am now,
Is a place you cannot go
For if I ‘m to see you here
My soul is sure to flow

Away from my life
My soul shall leave
Astray in this strife
A scratch upon my greaves

I will find you
One day upon the knoll
I will entwine you
Your essence to my soul
The meanings to make me whole


Fighting across the vasteness
The space encompassing my being
I want to take you with me
To the place of love’s decreeing..


Swelling the sadness,
it flows through my veins
As cold as the wind blows
stinging like the rain

This last verse doesnt quite fit so you can omit it..
#2
nice!!
i like it alot
the imagery of memories as water was really cool, how it slips from the hand and lingers in the deep .. really liked it.
#3
TY. I like to think imagery is key, and makes reading / hearing music more entertaining.. Any other critiques?