#1
My first "real" lyrics.

My eyes cry
As you walk away
I looked back
It was just the other day
When we held hands
And looked across the bay
Alone with our words
There’d be nothing left to say

Except,
Baby I'll be here,
When the world crashes down
You'll look at me,
From the ashes of the ground
I'll smile and pretend it's a dream
Because I know
You really do love me

My heart breaks
As you turn away
I shut my eyes
Wishing I’d be back in that day
When we sat on the beach
And watched the sun set over the bay
Alone with our words
There’d be nothing left to say

Except,
Baby I'll be here,
When the world crashes down
You'll look at me,
From the ashes of the ground
I'll smile and pretend it's a dream
Because I know
You really do love me
You really do love me so

And there’s nothing I can do,
Nothing I can say
To keep you from walking away
The flowers I hold in my hand
Won’t help me understand
The mistakes I made
And the lies of yesterday

And all I can say is,
Baby I'll be here,
When the world crashes down
You'll look at me,
From the ashes of the ground
I'll smile and pretend it's a dream
Because I know
You really do love me
You really do love me so
#3
oh jees u made my heart skip a beat it was that good, not kidding. nice work i liked the chrous thats what did it


crit mine in my sig please? thanks
#4
well, i think it's really really cliche, but yet at the same time, i enjoyed it. The first verse is my least favorite. the repeated rhyme just seemed annoying and somewhat forced. the chorus however, is really good. i really like the "You'll look at me from the ashes of the ground" part. very nice touch. So overall, it was pretty good, especially for your first. good job. could you crit locks of fear? it's in my sig. thanks.
#5
The chorus was odd. Let me suggest some changes...

(Except,)
Baby I'll be here,
When the world crashes down
You'll look at me,
From the ashes of the ground
I'll smile and pretend
that it's just a dream
Cuz I'll know
You really do love me

"Except" is put in as an intro, so it is said in the measure directly before it. Thusly, it doesn't count as one of your eight lines. "I'll smile and pretend it's a dream" is split in two to accomodate for this change, since it was too long. I think it's excellent
Last edited by Ninjamonkey767 at May 28, 2008,