#1
Two days left to prepare
For what could've been the best day of your life
I'll be sure to re-write the lyrics
And double check to see that the flowers I bought are all dead and bone dry
The chocolate kisses have all melted down
All the love and the hope has deserted this town
The words "I Love You" are all faint and distorted
The candy hearts have all been crushed up and snorted
By some drug addict who'll soon steal your heart
Too bad I wouldn't go that far

I've given you the best of me
But you don't want the rest of me
I could've given you the best day of your life
You went on ignoring me
But soon you'll be adoring me
When I finally say goodbye
You won't know what you've got 'til I'm gone
So I'll just keep moving on
As you sit there with a smile on your face
Remembering all the things I said
Realize that I really meant it
When I told you I loved you
But I guess it's just too little too late

The book of poems that I wrote for you is soaked from the tears
That I've cried from all the problems with you through the years
I always thought that I'd re-write them someday
But now I think I'll just let them all wash away
I'll give you a calendar, one from last year of course
You can mark off our anniversary
And someday the day of our divorce

I've given you the best of me
But you don't want the rest of me
I could've given you the best day of your life
You went on ignoring me
But soon you'll be adoring me
When I finally say goodbye
You won't know what you've got 'til I'm gone
So I'll just keep moving on
As you sit there with a smile on your face
Remembering all the things I said
Realize that I really meant it
When I told you I loved you
But I guess it's just too little too late

And I just wanted to say
Happy Valentine's Day
Hope it's a good one without me

I've given you the best of me
But you don't want the rest of me
I could've given you the best day of your life
You went on ignoring me
But soon you'll be adoring me
When I finally say goodbye
You won't know what you've got 'til I'm gone
So I'll just keep moving on
As you sit there with a smile on your face
Remembering all the things I said
Realize that I really meant it
When I told you I loved you
But I guess it's just too little too late
Last edited by Mlnwd at Feb 13, 2008,
#3
Wow. One of the best songs ive ever read. So deep and easy to relate to. I feel the same way. The only problem at all and its not even a big deal is the overuse of the words "you," and "your." I had the same problem in my song. Its probably just me though. Amazing song. Wish i could hear it with music. Crit mine? Its called oblivion. You don't even need to crit it if you dont want to, you can just type random letters if you want lol. I just need one last bump. Really great song. Keep up the good work.
#4
I agree that it's easy to relate to and the simple word choice works pretty well in this song. Due to the subject, the diction doesn't really have to be outstanding because I think it honestly gets the point across better the way you wrote it.
#5
Quote by Mlnwd
Two days left to prepare
For what could've been the best day of your life
I'll be sure to re-write the lyrics
And double check to see that the flowers I bought are all dead and bone dry
The chocolate kisses have all melted down
All the love and the hope has deserted this town
The words "I Love You" are all faint and distorted
The candy hearts have all been crushed up and snorted
By some drug addict who'll soon steal your heart
Too bad I wouldn't go that far

This made me laugh in a good way. I love the last four lines. Using candy hearts as some metaphor for cocaine which is addictive, like love is. It's brilliant. Only concern is the third line being perhaps abit too long. But with music it could flow!

I've given you the best of me
But you don't want the rest of me
I could've given you the best day of your life
You went on ignoring me
But soon you'll be adoring me
When I finally say goodbye
You won't know what you've got 'til I'm gone
So I'll just keep moving on
As you sit there with a smile on your face
Remembering all the things I said
Realize that I really meant it
When I told you I loved you
But I guess it's just too little too late
The first two lines make me think of ABBA. That's not necessarily a criticism, cos that's a kick ass song, yes I like Dancing Queen. But I love this stanza, it seems like there is geniue regret there, on both parties, but one of them knows that he/she has gotta move on. "As you sit there with a smile on your face", the fact it's a smile makes it all the better

The book of poems that I wrote for you is soaked from the tears
That I've cried from all the problems with you through the years
I always thought that I'd re-write them someday
But now I think I'll just let them all wash away
I'll give you a calendar, one from last year of course
You can mark off our anniversary
And someday the day of our divorce
Oooh. God. Bitterness about it seems. But damnit, it is good. Perhaps a tad emo, but I do like it. Especially the part with calender, it's a dagger in paper form.

I've given you the best of me
But you don't want the rest of me
I could've given you the best day of your life
You went on ignoring me
But soon you'll be adoring me
When I finally say goodbye
You won't know what you've got 'til I'm gone
So I'll just keep moving on
As you sit there with a smile on your face
Remembering all the things I said
Realize that I really meant it
When I told you I loved you
But I guess it's just too little too late
Same crit as above.
And I just wanted to say
Happy Valentine's Day
Hope it's a good one without me
Nice inclusion of this. The only crit would be, if you removed this the song would be universal and not just for one day.

I've given you the best of me
But you don't want the rest of me
I could've given you the best day of your life
You went on ignoring me
But soon you'll be adoring me
When I finally say goodbye
You won't know what you've got 'til I'm gone
So I'll just keep moving on
As you sit there with a smile on your face
Remembering all the things I said
Realize that I really meant it
When I told you I loved you
But I guess it's just too little too late


Overall. I really enjoyed it. Different due to the fact that the rhyming structure wasn't obvious and there was alot of interesting imagery going on. I think it would be a good song if you put it to music.

If possible. Could you crit my work?
Never The Right Fit and New York Ocean Waves
Last edited by FreedomFighter at Feb 14, 2008,
#6
I REALLY liked that song. Like, you're an amazing writer. I wish I could hear it to music.
#7
Thanks guys, hope your valentine's day was better than mine lol
#8
I really liked the first stanza. The rest was kind of meh, but that first stanza, especially the "candy hearts" bit, was wonderful.
There's only one girl in the world for you
and she probably lives in Tahiti.
#9
I realy like this man, and the title is great, this is just a great all around piece, good job.
Quote by dcdossett65
Life is too short to worry about this crap.

Who.

Cares.