Poll: Which one shall it be?
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View poll results: Which one shall it be?
:lost highway:inverse sonnet: (inspired by Lost Highway)
3 33%
2047 (inspired by 2046)
6 67%
Voters: 9.
#1
:lost highway:inverse sonnet:

she laid sweet, curled in my lap,
tripped on and on through wake, sleep and half sleep,
saw visions in moments, heard words out of place.
i sat straight upright.
followed the hard feather curl of your ear,
followed or tried to the filmglowing screen.
but tell me my dearest, what did you see?
what scenes followed which, what tale did you choose?
and in your blissful half-ignorant slight sleep
how did your dreams join each sight to the next?
did each murder make sense, did freedom and
internment follow cause and effect?
were the reasonless blanks filled in with night's logic,
did you remember as you wished, not as things were?


2047

Do you know what people did in the old days..
when they had secrets
they didn't want to share?

She'd make a ring with her fingers,
and I'd whisper through them,
"Leave with me..."
Every day I would ask her,
but she never answered.

As I sat in a train compartment,
counting the lights as they flashed by.
Even if I can't feel it, I can imagine it...

I told her that in Singapore
you can tell what season it is
by the warmth of a kiss, the moisture
on a lip, the subtle urge to resist.
Its closeness to your skin, a drip of
mist pressed against your cheek,
but you never really care what...

Hours later and she would cry, a tear
comprised of rust, she would smile with
decreasing lust, bite her lip and
she would whisper "yes" into the air.

The air I was never around to breathe.

Do you know what people did in the old days..
when they had secrets
they didn't want to share?
They'd find a tree, carve a hole in it
and whisper the secret into the hole,
then cover it in mud.

One day I wondered why she would
never answer. I questioned if she loved
me or not, and so I gave up.

Because...
It doesn't matter what secrets you write,
everyone will read, but when you speak
of secrets, of admissions, of proposals
and there's no one around to hear, it is like
you never spoke at all.
#2
I liked both a lot. First was fine in form, the rhyming excellent. The ending was rather effective.

But I was just really touched by #2. Maybe it's elements from the movie that I particularly loved. However, it was cleverly written and those two ending verses especially won it for me.
#3
2047 is one of the best pieces I've read around here in a really long time. Loved it.

I wish I hadn't had to pull out of the comp, though seeing the entries I'm pretty sure I would have gotten my ass kicked anyways.
#4
The second one is a glaringly boring, and the whole secret in the tree thing I've heard a billion times.

first.
www.facebook.com/longlostcomic
#5
Matt you make me laugh, lol you haven't seen the film have you? Didn't think so. I still you.
Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.
#6
Quote by The Hurt Within
Matt you make me laugh, lol you haven't seen the film have you? Didn't think so. I still you.


Yeah I realize that gets to be the problem lol

Also, nice piece steve.

ps. talk to me on msn.